Deja Vu? By Laurie D. Haynes shannara@xemplary.com * R A, V, MSR, X Spoilers for "FTF" and all the way up to "Monday" in sixth season. Summary: Another possible ending to "Monday." E-mail address: shannara@xemplary.com Archiving: Xemplary, MTA and Gossamer are fine. Everybody else just ask. Disclaimer: Oh yeah, no copyright infringement intended: yadda, yadda, yadda. I know they're not mine, I'm just playing with them for a while. Mulder exchanged a worried glance with Scully and held his breath as the robber considered his girlfriend's plea to leave the bank quietly, not to make everyone keep reliving this awful day, dying over and over in the explosion from his bomb. Just as Mulder began to think that Bernard was going to listen, the robber's face filled with fury as he whirled, cursed and aimed one of the guns at Mulder. Just as Bernard fired, Pam leaped in front of Mulder, taking a bullet. But Bernard had squeezed off two shots and she went down with the first, leaving an open path to Mulder's chest for the second bullet. *SHIT* was the only thought Mulder had time for as the bullet caught him high in the chest, knocking him to the ground, breathless and unable to move. Bernard, though, only had eyes for his girlfriend, who had sought to protect Mulder. Bernard fell to his knees, dropping the gun, and stared blankly at Pam and the spreading bloodstain on her blouse. Scully's first instinct was to go to her fallen partner, but she knew she had to remove the danger Bernard still posed with the bomb strapped to his chest. She rushed over and handcuffed Bernard, who did not resist, still apparently stunned by what he'd done to Pam. Scully looked over her shoulder at Mulder. He wasn't moving, but she could see his chest rising and falling. Since Pam was the closest, Scully knelt beside the young woman. The bullet wound was very close to the center of her chest and from the amount of blood, it was clear the aorta had been perforated, if not the heart itself. Pam looked up at her with weary eyes that yet held an expression of surprise. "This never happened before," Pam said faintly, then closed her eyes and was gone. A check of her pulse confirmed that for Scully who didn't take the time to puzzle over the woman's words, but crossed quickly to Mulder, kneeling and pulling his head into her lap. His eyes were fluttering and he was obviously having a hard time breathing. "Somebody call 911!" Scully yelled as she began to remove Mulder's tie. "Guard!" she called to the security officer rising from the floor where he had lain with the rest of the hostages. "Hang on to the prisoner and don't let him move a finger." She threw the tie aside and ripped open Mulder's shirt to reveal the wound. She had hoped it had only caught him in the shoulder, but he wasn't that lucky. She could see the wound was a bad one. The blood was bright red, and though she didn't think the bullet had hit an artery, she was fairly sure Mulder's lung had been punctured. When he coughed and a trickle of blood ran from the corner of his mouth, she knew for certain the lung was involved. A cold fear ran through her and tears stung her eyes at the thought help might not come in time. "Somebody bring me a first-aid kit and a piece of plastic wrap!" she called. "If you don't have a first-aid kit, then bring me some scotch tape and some paper napkins." A clerk ran to the break room in the bank to get the items Scully requested. Scully pressed one hand firmly against the wound and Mulder groaned in pain. With her other hand, she cradled his head tenderly. "Sorry, Mulder. Just lie still. I'm going to get you out of here." Mulder opened his eyes and looked up at her. His pain was evident, but also worry and confusion. "The bomb ..." he whispered. "He's got a bomb." "I know," replied Scully, stroking his cheek with her fingers, stained with his blood. "We've got it taken care of. Don't worry." Mulder sighed in relief at her words. "Then ... we don't have to do this again," he said. Scully wondered what he meant, but decided he was delirious. He tried to look over to where Bernard had been, but Scully held his head firmly, preferring that he not know about Pam at this time. The clerk returned with a first-aid kit and a plastic baggie. Scully pulled some gauze pads from the kit, then covered them with the baggie and taped all around the edges, before resuming the pressure on the wound. The plastic would help prevent air from being sucked into Mulder's chest cavity as a result of the pneumothorax. It was probably five minutes before a SWAT team stormed into the bank. The team leader, sizing up the scene rapidly, ordered Bernard taken into custody and he radioed an all-clear for paramedics to come on to the bank. As Scully sat there, bent over Mulder and keeping pressure on the bullet wound, she heard someone call her name and looked up to see Walter Skinner standing over them. "Oh, God," said Skinner at the sight of the pool of blood surrounding Mulder. "How is he, Scully?" "Not good," she replied. "Where are those damned paramedics?" "The SWAT team captain said they've been called. They should be here any minute." Hearing the familiar voice, Mulder roused enough to open his eyes again and see Skinner nearby. "Sir," Mulder said weakly, then began to cough again and could not speak for a moment. "Shhh, quiet," Scully crooned, trying to keep a lid on the panic building at the site of the increased flow of blood from Mulder's mouth. "Scully?" "I'm right here, Mulder, I'm not going anywhere." "Scully?" his voice was much fainter now and she had to lower her ear close to his face to hear what he was trying to say. "Love you ... Scully," he breathed, then his eyes closed and his body relaxed. She frantically felt for a pulse and found none. Scully quickly laid Mulder flat on the floor. "Dammit, Mulder! Don't you dare quit on me now!" She looked up at Skinner, standing there worriedly. "His heart has stopped," she said with a catch in her voice. "I'm going to start CPR. Can you do the compressions?" Skinner nodded and quickly knelt, placing his hands on Mulder's chest. He nodded his readiness to Scully and they began. They had only been at it about a minute when the paramedics arrived. Skinner and Scully continued the CPR until the paramedics had readied their defibrillator. Scully felt again for a pulse, but there was none. She motioned for the paramedics to proceed. They hooked up Mulder to an EKG and confirmed what Scully had indicated. A quick call to a doctor standing by at the hospital ER gave them the order to use the defibrillator. "Clear!" yelled the paramedic with the paddles in his hands and Skinner and Scully moved aside. The electric charge jolted through Mulder and his body arched in response. The paramedic glanced at the EKG reading. Still nothing. "Again!" he called, and gave Mulder another jolt. After several agonizing seconds for Scully and Skinner, the paramedic confirmed he was picking up a heartbeat. The two paramedics moved the wounded agent onto a stretcher. They put an oxygen mask over Mulder's face then started a saline IV in one arm and a unit of plasma in the other. One fastened the straps of the stretcher around Mulder and spread a blanket over him as the other medic packed up their equipment. They raised the gurney to its wheels and rushed him out to the waiting ambulance, Scully and Skinner right behind them. They passed the second ambulance team that had given up working on Pam and was preparing her sheet-covered body for transport. Scully allowed no arguments as she climbed into the back of the ambulance with Mulder and the paramedics. "I'll meet you at the hospital," Skinner called out. "Where are they taking him?" "Northwest Georgetown," replied one of the paramedics just before he slammed the doors shut. Scully held Mulder's hand tightly as they sped to the hospital, hoping that somehow he could sense she was there for him. The trip was an anxious one and the paramedics had the plasma drip wide open trying to replace the blood Mulder had lost and was probably still losing through internal hemorrhaging as a result of the punctured lung. Mulder hung in there, though, and didn't crash on them again. The ambulance screeched to a halt outside the emergency room and the paramedics quickly unloaded their patient and turned him over to the hands of the waiting trauma team. Scully was forced to fill out the admission paperwork before she could go check on Mulder. Finishing that, she asked the ER receptionist what treatment room Mulder had been taken to. "Room 10," said the receptionist. "Are you family?" "I'm his next-of-kin," Scully replied and made her way through the familiar emergency section to find the trauma team working on Mulder. Unfortunately, there was no room for her in there, but she stood outside the door and watched, her arms wrapped tightly about herself. She didn't know how long she had stood there when she felt someone put an arm around her shoulders. "Hi, Scully," said Skinner. "What's the word?" "Nothing yet," she replied, trying, but not succeeding, to keep the raw emotion out of her voice. They moved out of the way as a nurse entered with two units of whole blood. "What are they doing?" Skinner asked. "They're trying to stabilize him, I imagine, before taking him to surgery," Scully said, not taking her eyes off the scene unfolding inside the treatment room. She watched as they moved a portable X-Ray machine over Mulder's chest. "They're trying to find out, now, just where the bullet is lodged, so they'll know when they open him up." Skinner nodded, then asked, "Exactly what went down in the bank?" Scully took a deep breath and shuddered at how near they had come to all being blown up. "Bernard -- I don't know what his last name is -- apparently came into the bank intending to rob it," she said. "Somehow, and I'm not too clear on this, Mulder found out and called me. He said the man's girlfriend was waiting in a car outside the bank and I should get her and bring her inside." "The girlfriend was the getaway driver?" "No," replied Scully. "I don't think so. I think she was just caught up in it because of her relationship with Bernard. Anyway, she and Mulder tried to talk Bernard into leaving quietly. It looked like he was going to listen, but he changed his mind and started to shoot Mulder. Pam jumped in between them and was hit, but the second shot got Mulder. Still, she probably saved his life. If he lives ..." Skinner gave her shoulders a comforting squeeze. "Mulder's strong and he's got a lot to live for," the A.D. assured her. "He'll make it. You'll see." Scully looked tearfully up at Skinner. "I can't lose him. I can't imagine life without him," she whispered. "I haven't even told him ..." her voice trailed away. "That you love him?" Skinner finished for her. Scully glanced up at him in surprise. "It's pretty obvious how you two feel about each other," he told her. "It's not that you're blatant about it, but anyone who knows you two well can see it. I've never seen such an intensity. You know, I almost had to handcuff him to keep him from taking Peyton Ritter's head off after he shot you. And I don't know how many men would go to Antarctica and place themselves in serious danger to rescue another person if they didn't feel very, very deeply for that person." Scully nodded and looked up at Skinner. "I know. After we got him back from the Bermuda Triangle, he told me ... he told me he loved me. He was in the hospital and on painkillers at the time and too, it kind of floored me. I didn't really know what to say. I brushed it off and left the room. But he'd never brought it up again until I was holding him at the bank, trying to keep him from bleeding to death. It was the last thing he said before he ... lost consciousness." She purposely avoided the word "died." "You do love him, don't you?" Skinner said gently. Scully nodded miserably. "But I never told him." "You'll get your chance," Skinner assured her. "I'll lay odds on it. But don't let the next opportunity go by. You never know, especially in our line of work, when you get up in the morning if that day will be your last." They watched as the trauma team prepped Mulder for surgery and wheeled his bed to the door. They moved aside and one of the doctors stopped to talk to them as the orderlies took Mulder to the operating room. "Ok," he said. "Are you Agent Mulder's family?" "I'm his partner, his next of kin, and this is Assistant Director Walter Skinner, our supervisor and a friend," Scully replied. "How is Mulder?" "I'm Dr. Roth. Well, we've got him stable for now and we're taking him to surgery to retrieve the bullet and repair his lung. The bullet went through the lung and is lodged against a rib. I won't lie to you. Agent Mulder is in critical condition. He lost a lot of blood and he's still bleeding internally to some extent. If he makes it through the surgery, he's got a decent chance of survival. I understand he went into arrest before the paramedics arrived. How long did he stop breathing?" "Not much more than a minute before the paramedics got there and maybe another minute before they restarted his heart," Scully said. She sighed. "I'm a doctor, a pathologist. I know what you're worried about." "Yes, anytime the blood flow to the brain stops for any significant amount of time, there is always the danger of brain damage," said Roth. "Well, we'll get him through the surgery and we'll just have to wait until he wakes up before we know about any other potential problems. And of course, anytime there is a bullet wound, there is a danger of infection from the foreign material driven into the wound. But your quick action at the scene is the reason he even has a chance now." A nurse came up to Roth and told him the patient was being anesthetized and would soon be ready for him. The doctor nodded and started to leave. "I'll send someone out during the surgery and let you know how it's going. We're going to be in there a long time. You might as well get comfortable in the waiting room." Scully thanked him and Skinner led her to the waiting room. She started to sit down, then remembered she hadn't called anyone to tell them what had happened. "I've got to call his mother. And the Lone Gunmen. My mother will want to know, too. She's very fond of Mulder." "Let me call Mrs. Mulder, Scully, that's my job. Think she'll come this time?" "No," Scully answered honestly. "But Mulder would want us to call her. I hate dealing with her. I get so mad whenever I call to tell her Mulder is in the hospital and then she gives me some sort of excuse about how she herself is ailing and can't come. Truth is, she can't be bothered. Talk about a useless human being! But Mulder loves her. In spite of everything she and Bill Mulder did to him, she's still his mother and he loves her." Three hours later, when a nurse came out of surgery to talk to Scully, she found a whole crowd of anxious people with Dana -- Skinner, the Lone Gunmen and Margaret Scully. As expected, Mrs. Mulder had complained of being in poor health, but asked to be called when there was news. "They've got the chest cavity open and they're going after the bullet, now. There were several blood vessels damaged and they're having to repair those as they go," the nurse reported. "Mr. Mulder's vital signs are holding steady and the doctors feel optimistic. It shouldn't be more than a couple more hours now." Scully thanked the nurse and dropped wearily onto a couch and buried her face in her hands. Her mother sat down beside Dana and pulled the younger woman into her arms. The nurse returned to the operating room and the Lone Gunmen and Skinner respectfully moved away to let Scully and her mother talk. It was like a dam had suddenly given way and Scully burst into tears. Margaret hugged her close and let her cry, just stroking her daughter's head and murmuring words of comfort. After a bit, Scully sniffled and pulled away. Frohike walked up and offered her a cup of coffee while Byers handed her his handkerchief. She smiled and accepted both the offerings. Skinner filled the Gunmen in on the details of what had gone down at the bank, while Margaret attempted to take Scully's mind off Mulder's surgery by telling her all about her recent visit to San Diego to see her grandson Matthew. Finally, Dr. Roth himself came out and declared that the surgery was over. "They're taking him to recovery, now, then he'll be in ICU for at least a couple of days. The surgery was successful. We removed the bullet -- yes, Assistant Director, we will preserve it for your people to use as evidence -- repaired the holes in the lung and reinflated it. Agent Mulder wavered at times, but he never gave up on us. That's a good sign. He'll still be receiving blood to replace the volume he lost, but he should have a full tank by late tonight, provided all our handiwork holds." "When can I see him?" asked Scully. "As soon as he comes out of recovery." "Do you expect him to regain consciousness in recovery?" "No, in fact, we plan on keeping him under for the first 24 hours. He needs the rest and he will be in considerable pain when he wakes up. Open chest surgery is no piece of cake." It was about an hour and 15 minutes later before Scully was told Mulder was settled in ICU and she could go visit him. The Lone Gunmen, Skinner and Maggie Scully all followed her up to ICU, where they were told only two people could visit with Mulder every four hours. Scully hugged her mother and the Lone Gunmen and asked if they minded if she and Skinner went in first, then maybe the others could sneak in and peek in on Mulder tomorrow. Scully and Skinner entered the ICU room where Mulder lay. Skinner saw Scully blanch at the site of all the tubes running in and out of Mulder and the huge bandage on his chest. He grabbed her arm and escorted her to a chair beside the bed. "I'm a doctor," she muttered. "I should be able to handle this." "It's different when it's someone you love," said Skinner. Scully clasped Mulder's right hand, careful not to dislodge the IV transfusing whole blood into him. A packet of antibiotics along with glucose dripped into the vein in Mulder's left arm. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed it. "You fight, you hear me, Mulder? You fight this. You've come this far, I know you can come back the rest of the way. I've got something to tell you and I want you to be awake for it." Scully turned to Skinner. "I'm going to stay here tonight. You might as well go home." Skinner smiled and approached Mulder's bed. He bent over to talk to the unconscious man in the bed. "If you know what's good for you, you won't disappoint this lovely lady. And I've got one helluva an X-file waiting for you as soon as you can come back to work." Skinner straightened and laughed before addressing Scully. "If one of those doesn't do it, the other one will." Scully returned his smile and bid him goodbye. For a long time, she just sat there, holding Mulder's hand. Finally, her exhaustion got the best of her and she decided to just rest her head for a little while. Still holding onto his hand, she wearily lowered her head beside it on the bed and was asleep within minutes. Scully sat on the bank floor, holding Mulder protectively in her arms and trying desperately to halt the flow of blood from his chest wound. The wild-eyed robber stood above them and she attempted to talk him out of his actions. "You're in charge here, you know. It doesn't have to end this way," she told Bernard, her voice cracking. Bernard heard a noise at the door and saw a SWAT team coming in. He turned back to glare at Scully and replied, "Yeah, it does," and flipped the toggle switch on his chest. Scully screamed, "No-o-o!" as everything dissolved into a bright white light. She opened her eyes to find the light from above Mulder's bed shining in her eyes. *Talk about a horrible nightmare. And it seemed so real ...* She read the vital signs readouts registered on the monitors near the bed. Mulder hadn't seemed to have moved at all, but then she noticed that his hand was clasping hers. Scully whispered his name, but got no answer. She decided he must have sensed her presence and responded in the only way he could. Scully stood, then leaned over and kissed his forehead. She spotted a couch and found a blanket in the closet. She stretched out on the vinyl couch and laid there awake for a long time, just watching Mulder sleep, as if by watching she could hold away Death. She remembered Fennig who had claimed to stalk Death, hoping Death would take him. How could anyone seek out death? Life is a precious gift and sometimes you don't know how precious until it's almost taken from you or someone you love. Scully hoped fervently that Death had other errands tonight. Scully woke every time the nurses came into check on Mulder, replenish medication and transfusions and take blood gas samples to make sure the oxygen level in his blood was sufficient. Finally, around 7:30 a.m., the surgeon came in with a nurse. Scully stood, straightening her clothes, and walked over to stand beside the doctor, who was studying Mulder's chart. He removed the bloodstained bandage and deposited it in the biohazard receptacle beside the bed. After examining the surgical incision, he noted the color of the drainage coming through Mulder's chest tube, then directed the nurse to rebandage the patient. The doctor turned to Scully. "He's doing well, his blood volume is almost back to normal and the blood gas readings are favorable. We're going to cut out the sedation and start letting him wake up. He'll continue to get oxygen for a few more days." "He's going to be in a lot of pain," Scully remarked. "Yes, I've left orders to bring in a self-regulated pump with morphine later on," Dr. Roth told her. "But we'll put a dose in with his IV meds as he starts showing signs of a higher level of consciousness." "Thank you, Doctor. And thank the staff for letting me stay in here with him." "We know very well how important it can be to a patient's recovery to have a spouse or family member or significant other close by," he said. "As long as the patient isn't disturbed, I don't have a problem." "The problem with Mulder will be keeping him down once he starts to feel better," Scully said, smiling. "He can be his own worst enemy." The doctor grinned and replied, "Just threaten him with restraints, that'll keep him in line." She laughed. "Believe me, there are times when I would like to handcuff him to keep him from running off on some dangerous wild goose chase." Roth chuckled and he and the nurse left. The day stretched on endlessly with nary an indication Mulder might be waking up. Maggie Scully dropped by with a bag containing a couple of changes of clothes for her daughter, having already figured she wouldn't be able to pry Dana away from Mulder's side. The Gunmen and Skinner called Scully, who had to tell them Mulder was still unconscious. That evening, Skinner came by and found Scully asleep on the couch. There was no change in Mulder. He shook Scully gently by the shoulder and sat down beside her. "When was the last time you ate?" he asked her. "To tell you the truth I don't remember," she replied and wiped the sleep from her eyes. "Then you're coming with me," Skinner declared. "That's an order." "What if he wakes up and I'm not here?" "Then the nurses can call you down in the cafeteria. Come on." Scully first checked on Mulder, then reluctantly agreed to grab some dinner with Skinner. "But no more than half an hour and then I've got to get back," she said. Skinner only managed to get her to eat a small salad and some crackers, but at least it was something. "What did the doctor say when he came by tonight?" Skinner asked. "He's not sure why Mulder isn't waking up. But I told him this happened the last time Mulder got shot -- that time down in North Carolina. We think it's just the way he reacts to the anesthesia. Otherwise, his vital signs are pretty good, although his blood pressure is still a bit low. They're giving him antibiotics, but they're still worried about infection. He's running a low-grade fever." Skinner sighed. "Mulder never does anything the easy way." "You can say that again." Skinner accompanied her back to Mulder's room, then left for the night promising to call in the morning and return the next evening. Scully settled down in the chair beside the bed and began talking to Mulder. "I don't know why you have to be so stubborn," she said with a smile in her voice. "I think you just like to make me worry. Well, you win, I have been worried. But I'm tired of that, so you can just wake up anytime. Now would be good, for instance." She got no reaction. "Please, Mulder. You can't leave me, now, when I'm just beginning to admit to myself how much I love you." Scully stroked Mulder's sweaty hair away from his forehead, then caressed his cheek. With an ironic grin, she bent over and kissed him lightly on the lips. "That always works in the fairy tales, Mulder. And you've come to make me believe in the most impossible things." She noticed that Mulder's eyes moved under his lids, though he did not awake. It was as if he could hear her, but was just too weak to respond. "I know you can hear me," she said. "I understand you're tired right now, so rest and I'll talk to you later. And then I'm going to insist you open those beautiful hazel eyes and look at me." She returned to the sofa and curled up under the blanket, resting her head on a pillow the nurses had brought her. When Maggie Scully returned the next morning, Dana had already used the shower in the nurse's lounge and changed into clean clothes. "Oh, Mom. He won't wake up. The doctor is beginning to think there might be brain damage." "You can't think like that, Dana. You've got to have faith. Why don't you come down with me to the chapel and we'll light a candle for Mulder?" "You believe in miracles, Mom?" "It was a miracle that brought you back to us when we were sure the cancer was going to kill you. I suspect we don't need quite such a large one this time. Maybe God would be kind enough to provide a little intervention," said Maggie. The two women went to the chapel and Scully lit a candle and prayed to Saint Mary Magdalene for her help in getting God to heal Mulder. "Hear my prayer, Saint Mary Magdalene. You loved a man who had a quest, who was out to save the world. You know what that's like. How much you fear for them, yet know that they have to follow their own path. In this case, Mulder's path is my path. We were so caught up with seeking the truth that we overlooked a truth of our own. I live for him and he lives for me. I love him so much, please don't let me lose him. Let us have the long years together that you and Jesus were denied because of his mission. Amen." Maggie couldn't help but overhear and her eyes watered. She offered a prayer of her own for Mulder's recovery. They rose and Scully insisted on returning to Mulder's room, though Maggie tried to talk her into going home for a while. "Mulder needs me. As long as he needs me, I can't leave." By early afternoon, Mulder showed signs of regaining consciousness. He had received a dose of morphine about a half-hour previously, so Scully hoped that would suffice. She moved to his side and implored him to open his eyes. Mulder groaned and slowly his eyelids rose. Scully took his hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm right here, Mulder. How do you feel?" "Like I've been shot in the chest," he whispered, his throat sore. "How should I feel?" Scully gave him a thousand megawatt smile that dazzled him. "Nothing wrong with that sharp mind -- at least anything that had to do with being shot," Scully teased. Mulder pouted and she just had to laugh at his expression. He grinned at her and blinked sleepily. "Don't go back to sleep just yet, the doctor wants to be sure you're all there," Scully told him, and signaled for a nurse to summon Roth. As they waited, Scully spoke. "You gave us a pretty good scare, you know. Why is it you can't even go to the bank without getting in trouble?" "If I didn't go, you did," said Mulder, remembering something that seemed like a dream but that he knew somehow was real. "The only thing that worked was Pam. How is she, anyway?" "She didn't make it, Mulder. She died at the scene. She was just too badly wounded. Bernard is in jail and was awaiting arraignment the last I heard. They'll lock him up and throw away the key for this." "Damn. I hope they fry him." Roth came in, examined Mulder and asked him a few questions to check the patient's lucidity and orientation to his surroundings. "What is your name?" "Definitely not Jesus Christ," replied Mulder. Scully gave him a look of consternation and Mulder gave the correct answer. "Do you know what year it is?" "1999. But don't ask me what day it is. I don't care, as long as it's not Monday. I don't ever want to be caught in a loop like that again." Roth glanced at Scully for an explanation, but she shrugged. Mulder yawned and struggled to keep his eyes open, but the effort was just too much and he drifted off again. "Well, I'm satisfied there's no brain damage, though he doesn't seem to be making a great deal of sense," said Roth. "That's not unusual with Mulder," Scully said. "Sometimes he makes no sense to anybody but himself." "Oka-a-y. Don't be surprised if he sleeps the rest of the night. Just being awake and talking was tiring for him," said Roth. "We'll keep him in ICU and if he continues to improve by this time tomorrow and isn't running a fever, then we'll move him to the progressive care unit." "He's going to want to know. How long before he's on his feet again and how long before he can return to work?" asked Scully. "Agent Mulder is looking at about another week in the hospital. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to send in a respiratory therapist twice a day. We need to get that lung back up to full speed. I'll consider desk duty for him at three weeks, if he's doing well, but I want him completely healed before he goes back in the field, so that will probably be another three weeks on top of that." Mulder didn't make it out of ICU the next day or the one after that. The infection that had taken hold in his weakened condition sent his temperature soaring. Scully never left him the whole time and she regularly applied cool compresses to try to help bring down the fever. Mulder would occasionally have moments of lucidity, but for the most part was delirious and seemed caught up in horrible nightmares. When his fever finally broke, Scully felt as exhausted as Mulder, but triumphant. Mulder's temperature had been normal for the past two hours or so, but his hospital gown and bedclothes were soaked with sweat. Scully called for a fresh gown and set of sheets. She insisted on sponging him down herself and asked the aide to come back in a little while and help dress him and change the sheets. Mulder awoke as Scully passed the damp washcloth over his bare chest. He blinked and just lay there for a bit, watching her through half-lidded eyes and enjoying the attention very much indeed. When she reached his lower abdomen with the washcloth, Mulder's body responded to her touch and he grew hard. Scully blushed and looked up. "You're awake!" she said accusingly. Mulder grinned. "Don't let that stop you." She chuckled and smiled back with a twinkle in her eyes. "We'd better not start anything you're in no condition to finish," she said. "Awww, Scully. How about a rain check, then?" She didn't reply, but got him to help her get a fresh gown on him. Mulder grimaced as the stitches pulled at his wound and lay back afterwards with his fists clenched tightly. Scully took the controls of the pain medication pump, pressed it once then pried Mulder's fingers open and placed the controls in his hand. She tenderly smoothed the hair back from his forehead. "You should start to feel better soon," she promised. "You can have a dose every four hours. Just press the button on the controls." As the pain started to recede, Mulder spoke again, being quite serious. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Scully, but I do love you, you know. I know exactly what I'm saying." She sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know, and I feel the same way." She leaned over and kissed him thoroughly. Using the arm now unencumbered by a plasma IV, Mulder drew her closer. They broke apart when the nurse's aide entered the room. The aide smiled but said nothing. Together, she and Scully managed to get the bed sheets changed. When the aide left, Mulder beckoned to Scully to sit back beside him. "You have no idea how long it took me to get up the courage to tell you the first time how I felt," he said. "Then when you brushed me off, I began to think you didn't feel the same way after all." "Actually, Mulder, I think I've been in love with you since our first case. I told myself it was just friendship and it would be a problem having a romantic relationship with my partner, anyway. And if truth be known, I was scared. I had to fight so hard to be accepted as an equal in the FBI, which is still very much a man's world. The repercussions if we got involved and the brass found out, would have been much worse for me. I was sure they would have removed me from field agent status and then I wouldn't have been able to work with you anymore. But we've proved ourselves and I think they know it wouldn't do any good to split us up." Mulder took her hand in his, caressing the back with his thumb. "I know what you mean. For me, though, it was a fear of scaring you off and losing the best friend I ever had. Even if I couldn't have you as a lover, I could still have you as a friend and that was better than nothing." "So what changed?" asked Scully. "It was a series of things, beginning when you were kidnapped the first time and then, after Dallas, when they were going to split us up and you said you'd quit first. The thought of you walking out of my life for good gave me a good swift kick in the ass and made me realize I'd better do something. I started to tell you so many times, but it wasn't until after Bermuda that I got the courage to tell you I love you." "So where do we go from here?" Scully wondered out loud. "I love you very much and I want you, but I don't want to do anything you're not ready for," Mulder told her, staring deeply into her blue, watering eyes. "Oh, Mulder, it's been so long since I've been with anyone I truly cared about. But I want our time together to be special. When you get out of here, I'm going to show you exactly how much I love you." Mulder pulled her into a kiss again, but grunted in pain as she came in contact with his sore chest. But the groan he gave was of pure frustration and Scully knew it. "I guess you're just going to have to hurry up and get better, then," she said, and laughed. "And getting you all excited right now is not going to help that." Mulder sighed. "So when do I get out of here?" "That depends entirely on you. Do what they tell you, take it easy and it won't be long at all." *********** Mulder and Scully celebrated with a bottle of sparkling white grape juice the day she brought him home. They had agreed she would stay with him for the next week until he could better fend for himself. He took a sip of his juice, which Scully had poured into a champagne flute. He wasn't allowed alcohol as long as he was still on medication. Mulder set both the glasses aside and leaned over to kiss her. She responded quite willingly, running her fingers through his hair. "You know I had to replace my waterbed," he said. "They were supposed to have delivered another bed, but I haven't even seen it yet. Want to check it out with me?" Scully grinned. "I think I'm going to like the idea of you having a bedroom." "Now, I have something to do with one, besides just use it for storage." Mulder stood up carefully, tugging on her hand to join him and together they went to test out his new bed. Their lovemaking was by necessity slow and gentle, but lost nothing of its intensity for that. Afterwards, they lay in Mulder's bed, Scully encircled in his arms. He kissed her long and well, then hugged her and said, "You know, this is one day I wouldn't mind reliving over and over."