Heroin: A Necessary Evil by Mulderslady Part of the Addiction Series DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did. RATING: R for drug use, and Torture CLASSIFICATION: S, A, MT, MSR KEYWORDS: MSR, Mulder and Scully angst, MT SPOILERS: None URL: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/5160/addiction.html FEEDBACK: Please!!! at damacia@home.com ARCHIVE: Oh yeah, anywhere!! SUMMARY: Mulder's kidnapped and becomes friends with a deadly new force. Part of the Addiction Series, a group of stories in which Mulder is dealing with an addiction. *****************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% If it makes you happy it can't be that Bad If it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad If it makes you happy by Sheryl Crow *****************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Mulder walked into the warehouse, flashlight blazing, gun cocked, the conversation he'd had with VCS two hours earlier still fresh in his mind. "Give it up Spooky, we're never going to find her." "Yeah we're never going to find her ALIVE." "What's wrong? Miss your honey? Was she really THAT good in bed?" Mulder fumed with anger and rose to full height, slamming his hand forcefully on the table. Everyone snapped to attention. "Shut up! An agent, one of your best forensic pathologists, my partner and wife has been abducted and you tell me we have to stop looking? Never! I will not stop till I find her, and I will find her with or without the bureau's help." That was two hours ago and now he was so close he could smell her. "Scully? Scully it's me where are you?" Mulder said softly as he approached a light. "Mulder? Oh god thank you! Over here!" Mulder ran towards her voice, sighing with relief when he saw her. She was strapped to a chair, her face was bruised, but otherwise unharmed. "I'll here you loose in a second." Mulder said as he worked quickly at loosening the ropes. Scully rubbed her wrists, getting the circulation running in them again. "Can you walk?" Mulder asked concerned when she stumbled a little. "Yes I can, let's get out of here . . ." Scully started only to gasp when she saw her abductors appear. They rushed them, Mulder tore Scully from their grasp, pushing her towards the doorway forcefully. "Scully RUN!" "No Mulder, I . . ." "RUN NOW! GO PLEASE!" Scully hesitated a second then ran out of the building, screaming for help, as Mulder was beaten unconscious. Hours later "Finally awake? Fox Mulder, heard a lot about you. My names Jim." A grotesquely thin man said. He smiled at him with unnaturally white teeth, his green eyes shining with deviltry. "What do you want?" Mulder growled as he tried to get out of the restrains they had him in. "To have some fun with that pretty little thing of yours, and since you let her go, we're going to have to punish you." Mulder took a deep breath, stay calm gotta think of a way out of here. "Actually this kind of punishment isn't that bad at all. Once you try it you really start to like it." Jim turned to an equally thin man in the corner and asked "Got it ready?" "Yep." The man replied, handing Jim a syringe. "Now lets have some fun." Mulder's eyes widened as he started to scoot himself away. "What is that?" he asked, eyeing the needle with fear. GOD I hate needles, he thought as Jim came closer to him. "Well Agent Mulder for your information, its horse or as you know it Heroin. Don't worry, you'll like it, we got the good stuff." "No! Get away from me!" Mulder said, trying desperately to get away from Jim and the needle. He hit against the wall and closed his eyes, Help me, somebody, anybody, Scully I need you help me, he thought as more hands held him still. "No matter how you squirm, your not going to get loose." Jim said ripping the sleeve off Mulder's shirt quickly, "here we go. The first time is always the best." He said as he jammed the needle into Mulder's arm. Mulder screamed in agony as the heroin was injected intramuscularly. His arm burned like it was on fire. Jim laughed and said "Give him some the same way every four hours. That'll teach him to mess with our fun." 2 days later GUMC ER "What you got?" A doctor said, running over to an EMT who was running in with a stretcher. "FBI agent, kidnapped, beaten, repeatedly injected with heroin for 2 days." "Ugh, he'll be going through DT's, private room, 5 point restraints stat." The doctor said to a nurse as he quickly checked vitals. Scully watched through the window of Mulder's room as he thrashed and screamed, straining against the restraints. "Let me out of here! Please I need some more! God please, give me some more! Scully! Scully!!!!" Scully flinched as he called her name. "I'm sorry Mulder. I should never have left you there." She whispered touching the glass lightly. "Good work Agent Scully, we would have never found you two if you hadn't escaped." A.D skinner said patting Scully on the shoulder reassuringly. "Yeah, but would he be like this now if I hadn't?" "Probably worse, they most likely would have raped you, and he would have been out of his mind. You did the right thing Agent." Scully nodded in agreement "I know I did, but why's it feel so wrong?" 2 days later "He's getting calmer. We've been able to remove the restraints but . . . he's still not stable." Mulder's nurse said, updating Scully. "Thank you." Scully said as she went into see Mulder. She brushed his sweat-dampened hair from his face as she sat next to him. He turned and smiled at her. "Scully." "Hey." "Your not hurt are you?" "Me? No I'm fine. I'm sorry I left you Mulder." "I told you too. You wouldn't have been able to get me out any other way." "It's my fault you are the way you are right now, addicted to heroin, I feel so responsible." "Don't be for once you listened to me." "And look what happened. I'm never listening to you again." Scully teased, wiping tears from her eyes. "No don't cry, don't cry honey, I'll be ok. I'll . . ." Mulder gulped hard clutching at his cramping stomach. "I'll . . ." Scully grabbed the trashcan and eased Mulder over on his side just as he heaved. He grabbed the trashcan from her as she went and got cool rag placing it on the back of his neck, rubbing his back lightly. "You were saying?" she teased. "Ok so maybe I won't be alright. Oh that hurt." "Your ribs were bruised." "How about the heroin?" "Almost out of your system." "Good . . ." His stomach heaved and he reached for the trashcan again. "Thank you Mulder." "For what?" He said, trying to catch his breath. "Saving my life, for looking for me when everyone else gave up." "I kinda missed seeing you every morning when I woke up." Scully smiled and ruffled his hair playfully. "I'll be back love." "Ok I'll be right here." "Heaving into the trashcan?" "Most likely." 6 months later "What do we got?" "Male 39, looks like a drug OD. His wife found him in their bedroom not breathing." "K, Narc kit him, put him in a private room, five point restraints, he's going to have some violent DT's." Mulder screamed, slamming his head back against his bed till his nose bled. He thrashed, trying to get out of his restraints, stopping when he heard a soft voice say his name. "Mr. Mulder, do you want some water?" Karen, his nurse asked. His eyes shifted to her quickly. "Hey, want something to drink?" Karen asked again, wiping some of the blood from his nose. "Yes, where's Scully?" "Scully? She's at the nurses station, do you want to see her?" Karen asked packing his nose gently to stop the bleeding. "Yes please." Karen nodded and held a straw to his lips. He took a sip and sighed. "I must be thirsty." "Why you say that?" "Cause that tasted great. I hate water." Karen laughed "I'll get her ok?" A few minutes later Scully appeared, looking at him with relief. "Mulder, I thought you were dead. Don't ever scare me like that again." She said, hugging him tightly. "Scully? I need help." "I know you do Mulder, I've been telling you that . . ." "I want help." Scully smiled and petted his hair gently. "Ok I'll see what I can do." "Thank you, that was . . . I have never been so scared in my life. I . . ." "Shh it's ok, you try and rest." "I can't, I'm cold. Every time I close my eyes all I see is me dead with a razor in my hand and . . ." "Mulder calm down, your hearts racing. I'll get Karen to give you something to sleep ok?" Mulder nodded and close his eyes. "Karen? He's sweating like crazy, his gown is soaked can we change him?" Scully said coming out of Mulder's room, wiping her hands on her pants. "Sure let me get him something cooler to change into." 5 days later "Mulder? Honey are you packed and ready?" Scully called, walking back into the bedroom when he didn't respond. She peeked in the bathroom, sighing heavily as she watched him separate a white powder into neat parallel lines on the back of a copy of celebrity skin. He bent down, snorting one line quickly, closing his eyes wincing slightly from the burn then snorting the next. He sighed heavily, when he finished leaning against the sink, looking in the mirror. He caught her eyes in the mirror and threw her a shamed look. "Are you ready Mulder?" Scully asked sadly. "Yeah I'm ready." "Do you have anymore in the house or at work?" "No that was the last of it." Scully nodded and reached out her hand for him "Then lets get going." Annapolis Maryland 4:00 p.m. Evan's Drug Treatment Center Mulder chewed his bottom lip with apprehension. "You'll be fine Mulder, call me when you get settled in. I'll be at mom's." Scully said, popping the trunk for him. Mulder nodded and got out, grabbing his bags. He hugged her tightly, kissing her gently on the lips. He looked at the building and sighed heavily "40 days." Scully smiled and smoothed his hair out of his face. "Here." She said, taking off her cross necklace and putting it around Mulder's neck. "So I'll be with you whenever you need me." Mulder hugged her again "I love you." "I love you too Mulder, I hope this helps." "So do I." He said heading in the building. "Agent Mulder? Hi, I'm Mais Cooper you're assigned counselor, how are you?" "Fine thank you." He said softly looking at the woman before him with light brown hair, and green eyes. "K let me show you to your room and I'll go over your agenda for the next 40 days." Mulder nodded, following her quickly. "Here you go a room with a view all to yourself." Mulder looked around the small room and put his bags down starting to unpack. "K. You're supposed to after meeting me, meet the rest of the residents in group therapy. There are only 15 patients here at a time all with their own personal counselor. Then dinner, then private time till bed. Well semi private time, I'll have to supervise you during your waking hours." "To make sure I don't use?" "That or harm yourself in anyway, but I'm flexible we'll see how you do. Any questions?" "No." he said, placing a picture of Scully on the table beside his bed. "She's pretty, who's that?" "My wife." He said with a smile "Nice." "Thanks, she's my partner at the FBI. She saved my life. I . . . I would do anything for her and she'd do anything for me." He said softly as he took out a large teddy bear, placing it on the bed. "And who's that?" Mais teased, I wouldn't have thought he was the teddy bear type. I've seen stranger things but never a Fbi agent with a teddy bear. "Scully." He said sitting on the bed and taking a deep breath, "Now what?" Group therapy "This is Fox Mulder. He's a new patient." The Program director Daniel Evans said. Everyone looked at Mulder and smiled. If they get up and join hands, I'm jumping out the window, Mulder thought as Dan said "Well tell us about yourself, how long were you addicted and to what?" "I'm addicted to heroin, and I have been for 6 months." "HA! Knew it! He looked like the heroin type. Girlfriend turn you onto it?" a resident asked "Women Problems or Man problem?" Another asked, making the others laugh. Mulder glared, clenching and unclenching his fists. "Oh I know, daddy hit him and he needed something to escape." "No he probably just wanted to try it and got hooked." Mulder growled in anger "SHUT THE FUCK UP! Unlike you I didn't chose to get addicted. I was kidnapped, the shit kicked out of me and shot up continually for two days! I'm nothing like any of you here so just shut the Fuck up!" the room was silenced as Mulder sat back down. "Would you like to talk . . ." Dan started after recovering from the shock of the sudden outburst. "No I don't want to talk about it with you, no I don't want to hold hands and pray about it, no I don't want anyone to pat me on the back as I cry fake tears. What I want is for this addiction, this craving to go away and let me get on with my life. Let the people I care about get on with their lives and not worry about me." "How do you expect to do that without talking about it?" "By getting something to change my habits, to stop the behavior, remove my self from the area. Change my routine and associates." Dan double blinked. "I know the drill Daniel. I'm a certified psychologist too." "So why are you here?" "I know the drill, but I also know I need help to accomplish my goals. That's why I'm here." The other addicts stared at him in shock "Well then Mulder just sit back and relax." "Thank you, I will Daniel." Mais stifled a laugh as Dan and Mulder stared each other down. 8:30 p.m. "You really shouldn't antagonize Dan." Mais said when they came back to Mulder's room. "He pushed it. Don't mess with a psychologist going through Heroin withdrawal, we get vicious." "Do you want to talk some during what's left of your free time?" "Not to you. No offense." "None taken. Your wife?" "Your psychic." Mulder teased as he picked up the phone in the room and dialed Scully. "Scully." "Hey honey it's me." "Hey, hold on a sec." He heard a door close. "Hey how are you?" Scully asked concerned "Good, I cursed out my therapy group, and showed up program director Dan." "Good day then." "Yeah a good day, would have been better if you were here. Never thought I'd miss your freckled face." "HEY!" Mulder laughed, hugging his bear slightly. "I'm sorry, God I want to come home." "You just got there Mulder, it will take time but you can do this. I know you can." "I know honey, I need to go it's group prayer time." "I hope you're kidding Mulder." "So do I, love you." Mais smiled and sat across from Mulder as he hung up. "Want to talk now?" "No, I want to do a few lines and sleep." "WHAT?!" "Well you want me to be honest don't you? That's what I want to do." "Well, now that were being honest . . ." "Can we start tomorrow? I'm tired." "K, I'm only going to ask once, do you have any heroin with you?" "No." "K, when did you last use?" "I'm sorry?" "When did you last snort a few lines?" Mais said sarcastically "Um this morning." "K, I'm at ext. 5231 if you need anything. You'll be going through some rough DT's" Mais said getting ready to leave. "Thanks Mais good night." 3 a.m. Mulder woke up in a perfuse sweat, his heart pounded as tremors ran through his body. I need a fix of something, anything, he thought as his stomach heaved. He barely made it to the trashcan before he vomited. The pain that radiated up his chest with each heave bringing tears to his eyes. I promise I will never ever do anything this stupid again as long as I live, he thought as he vomited some more. Mais looked in on him 15 minutes later, smiling sadly when she saw him, his head resting against the mattress as he sat on the floor, clutching the trashcan to him tightly. "Hey." Mulder looked at her weakly and smiled. "hey." "Having fun?" "Loads." "Want something for the nausea?" "No makes me sicker, I'm sensitive to meds." "Want some thing to drink then?" "Please." Mais came back with a cold ginger ale and handed it to him, sitting next to him on the floor. "Thank you." "Why'd you start?" "Start what throwing up? Have no clue, DT's I guess." "No using heroin after your DT's the first time." "Oh, I liked the high, the rush. My job's extremely stressful, it helped me relax, helped me cope. Snort a few lines, get a nice buzz, lay across the couch, get some sleep. I don't know, I just liked it." "When'd your wife find out?" "Scully found out when I started using at work. She found some in my desk when she was looking for a pencil." Mais smoothed his sweat soaked hair out of his face "You love her, don't you?" "Who?" "Scully." "Well yeah I love my teddy bear" Mulder said with a smile as he grabbed his teddy bear, hugging it tightly. "You know exactly who I mean." "Ah you got me." Mulder teased. "Why are you really here Mulder?" "To get clean." "For you or for her?" "For both of us. She . . .we . . . for both of us." "Why now? You seem to like it." "Cause I can saw the pain she was in because of it. When she found out, god she was angry. I've never seen her so mad at anyone. She didn't talk with me for days, then she said it was up to me to stop and that she was there for me no matter what I decided." "That didn't make you . . ." "Well I didn't think I had a problem. Scully didn't seem to mind much, I went back in the bathroom snorted some, came back out, didn't seem to bother her. I think when I OD'd that really did it for me. I was terrified that I'd die and never see her again. I know I scared her to death, she found me." "You know heroin is the hardest to kick next to smoking." "Yeah I know all about that, I used to smoke." "Really?" "2 packs a day after I got out of college till about 8 years ago." "How'd you kick that?" "Cold turkey, smoked my last pack, bought a bunch of junk food, got some good movies and locked myself in the house for a few days. That's how I got addicted to sunflower seeds." "Yeah I noticed your obsession." Mais said, picking up a strewn empty bag of sunflower seeds, placing it in the trashcan. "Oral fixation I like to call it." Mais giggled slightly. "You've got a great personality Mulder." "Thanks, so do you Mais." "I see why she loves you." "Thanks" Mulder said, shifting a little, letting go of the trashcan "So planning on starting a family soon?" "God, you're worse than my mom and hers combined! No!" Mais laughed "I'm amazed she didn't give you an ultimatum when she found out." "She was really understanding about it. It's just . . . she blames herself for what happened. Mais I'm tired, can we talk tomorrow?" "Sure you'll be alright?" "Yeah I'll be okay, I still don't see how talking is going to help anything." "Well you have 40 days to find out." "I know." Mulder sighed and hugged his bear tighter. "You know you can have her stay the night sometimes." Mulder's head perked up "With my consent of course." "Some times?" "Well not every night. The weekends or something." "Every weekend?" "No." "DOH!" "3 weekends, choose them tell me tomorrow." Next day 2 p.m. "Hey Mulder." Mais said, pulling up a chair in his room. Mulder sat on the edge of his bed still covered in dirt from the group football game. "Hey Mais how's it going?" He unconsciously kicked his leg every few minutes looking around nervously, sweat beading his forehead. "Better than you." "I was better when I was playing. Talk about jonesing! A couple of lines, an iced tea, a little Moby I'd be swell." Mais smiled, giggling slightly "What don't like the music selection?" "NO! I mean the Sixpence None the Richer was ok, but it's Contemporary Christian. I never realized how Contemporary Christian Jars of Clay was!" Mais laughed harder "Catchy stuff though." "Really? I thought it was Dan's way of torture." "No, Flood, Love song for savoir, Sinking, Liquid, . . ." "Love song for a sav . . ." "Well it . . . I didn't know it was called that till I read the words, I was like OH! I thought it was 'just an old fashioned love song' Mais?" "Yes?" "Why is Dan a sadistic prick?" Mais smiled "I mean I don't believe in god and . . ." "He just wants you to have faith in something other than a drug." "I do have faith. Why's it have to be in god?" "Well, I don't know that's one for Dan to answer. I think it has something to do with him being a retired Baptist minister." Mais said with a smile "AH! How about I tell him I have faith in a deity. She's 5'3, has bright red hair, ocean blue eyes . . ." "Well while were on that subject . . . why do you think Scully blames herself for your addiction?" "I told her to go when she thought she should have stayed. If she had, I think I'd be in a mental institution." "why?" "She would have been raped right in front of me while I was tied down. Then drugged up like me, raped again all while I was helpless to protect her. It's the least I can do, protect her I mean, keep her safe . . . she . .. she means the world to me." "I can tell. So that's why she blames herself." "Yeah I told her to get counseling to deal with the guilt, but she's more stubborn than me." Mulder said with a smile "You're going to have to change your environment." "My jogging route, that's when I'd get my drugs." Mudler corrected "Definitely." "I think I can handle that Scully and I . . . never mind." "You can tell me Mulder. I promise i won't tell personal stuff just your progress with your addiction." "We were planning on moving, getting a nice condo or house in Georgetown. She likes that area." "There are dealers in Georgetown Mulder." Mais said flatly "Yeah I know just not right outside my door like our apartment in Alexandria. I mean the dealer was right around the corner, very convenient. If I don't go looking for them in Georgetown, I'll never find them." Mais nodded in agreement with his answer "At least you have a positive outlook, we'll see by the end of the week how you are." "k." "Have you decided which weekend?" "Um next weekend, the weekend after , skip a weekend and my last weekend here." "K, they sound good." "No ones going to make a big deal about it are they?" "No, the other residents get to have their families visit for the weekend too." "Ok, I didn't want the other residents thinking I was getting special privileges or something. Some of them don't really like me." "That's a surprise" a husky voice said from behind Mais. Mulder's features changed quickly, a smile encompassing his face. "Hey!" he said reaching for her. "Hey eww! Your soaked, played hard?" Scully said pulling from his embrace, grabbing a towel quickly and drying him off little. "Very." Mulder said, leaning into her touch as she dried his hair. "Hi, Dana Scully." "Yeah he's talked a lot about you. Mais Cooper, his personal therapist." "There, as dry as your going to get my favorite G-man." "Thanks, I've been sweating like crazy!" "DT's, I brought those home magazines you wanted. I'm going to be in Massachusetts for a few days, here's my number." Scully said, handing him a slip of paper. "ok." He said with a sigh of disappointment, " The crop circles?" "Yep." "Man I wanted to go with you on those. I know how you hate them." "Yeah I know later, right now you need to get better." Scully said, kissing his forehead and smiling down at him. Mulder nodded as she started to leave. "Scully?" She turned and he motioned for her to come back "What?" he pulled her into a deep kiss, tasting her briefly and pulling away, resting his forehead against hers gently "I love you." "I love you too my precious Fox, I'll see you in a few days." She whispered back as she kissed him on the forehead and left. "GOD I love how that woman tastes!" Mais giggled, blushing at the sizable bulge in Mulder's pants. "Need a minute?" "Or two." "K I'll be back." 1 week later Group therapy "Mulder?" Dan said as Mulder grabbed his head, wincing in pain. "You okay Mulder?" "No, I'm not okay damn it! I'm going through Fucking DT's and this psychobabble, love god stuff isn't helping!" Mulder said viciously "Maybe if you were more positive . . ." Dan started to shoot back "And let my positive aura surround me to be the best I know I can be? Yes, I read your stupid manual and I want to tell you to stuff it up your ass guru Dan!" Dan turned red with anger "You have been nothing but hostile for a week and a half! How can we help you if you don't want us to . . ." "I don't want to let you in. I don't need you to understand me as a person. I need to stop these Fucking DT's, and get sobered up." Mulder shot back, sighing and saying in a softer tone, "Look I'm sorry but I don't believe in god, and I don't believe sitting here talking with you all is going to help me do squat, excuse me." Mulder said storming from the group session. He clutched at his stomach, grimacing in pain as he hurried into his room, collapsing on his bed, covering his head with his pillow. "Mulder? Mulder? You ok?" Mais asked coming into his room slowly. "No Mais, I don't feel well right now, can I be alone?" "No." "I don't want to talk." Mulder yelled at Mais "What do you want to do?" Mais said sitting down, giving him a concerned sympathetic look. Mulder looked at her and smiled "Honestly?" "Yes Mulder." "I want to screw Scully into the mattress." Mais blushed furiously. "Or until she's screaming my name in 4 different languages. That happened once you know." Mais laughed, turning crimson. "Ok well since that's not an option . . ." "Can you leave the room for while?" "No Mulder I can't." Mulder growled in frustration "Why won't anyone leave me alone! I don't have any drugs on me, I don't want to talk. I just want to be alone!" He screamed in frustration, tears coming to his eyes. He brushed them away angrily with a trembling hand. "They're worse this time aren't they?" Mais said softly "Yes! I haven't felt this awful since . . . ah never mind that's another therapy session totally!" Mais smiled and placed her hand on his arm lightly. "You need to stop being so volatile with Dan." "I can't stand that man!' "I know that but he's what's standing between you and screwing Scully into the mattress on a regular basis." Mulder smiled and sighed heavily. He reached for the phone and dialed Scully's number quickly. "Scully." "Hey it's me." "You don't sound good DT's?" "Yeah, god I miss you, I need to see you." "Oh your going through that kind of withdrawal?" Scully teased "The worse kind." "I miss you too Tiger." Mulder sighed, letting out a low growl. "You haven't fussed out Dan again have you?" "Well . . ." "Mulder." Scully said sternly "Yeah he was getting on my nerves and my stupid DT's . . . I can't stand him!" "Play nice. I miss you." "How much?" Mulder said, closing his eyes as he moved his hand into his pants. Mais looked away quickly, blushing again. "Oh god." He groaned when she told him. "Your wonderful Scully, I love you so much." "Mulder? Someone in the room with you?" Mulder opened his eyes and looked into the crimson face of Mais. "Oh dang, I forgot sorry Mais" Mulder said, pulling his hand out of his pants, blushing slightly. "I'll see you soon baby." "Two days, that's forever." "You can wait, love my Fox." "Love you too darling bye." Mulder hung up and smiled at Mais "Sorry about that, zoned out." "It's ok want to talk now?" "I told you what I want to do." "Mulder." Mais said sternly "Ok lets talk." Friday evening "DAN NO!" Mais said angrily. "Mais he's volatile, unresponsive, down right abusive. That shouldn't be rewarded by allowing her to stay the weekend." "He's still going through DT's Dan. He's in pain, he's jonesing, he misses his wife and he's tired of feeling the way he does. He's not religious, he's a loner by nature, he doesn't like to talk about his feelings, he's very introspective. Combine that with withdrawal and he's going nuts!" Dan gave her a condescending look as she continued, "If you deny her stay, you can just forget about ever getting through to Fox Mulder." "What ever Mais." Dan said walking away from her and going back to his desk. "No, no don't whatever me Daniel." Mais said, storming his desk, slamming her hand down hard to get his attention, "You see him twice a day. I am with him 24/7. I know him better than anyone here. He's been looking forward to seeing his wife for two weeks! He's responding to the one on one sessions and group activities. He doesn't thrive in group sessions. It's just his personality Dan. You watch, deny the visit and have the wrath of a jonesing Fox Mulder on your back." Mais said storming out of the office. "He's denying it, isn't he?" Mulder said softly as she walked by. "Mulder . . . I don't . . . I tried . . ." "It's okay." Mulder said with a sigh as he went back in the group living room and picked up his crossword puzzle. Mais watched him with a sad smile as he chewed his lip contemplating a word. He put down the book forcefully, running his hands through his hair, a tear ran down his cheek and he brushed it away angrily as he covered his face with his hands. Mais closed her eyes and went to his side quickly. "Mulder I tried, I don't know why . . " Mulder nodded no "Ok, do you need to talk?" "No, I need to see Scully. I need to hold her, I need her to tell me everything's going to be ok. I need . . . I need her." "Ok Mulder why don't you call her?" Mais said, running her fingers over his back reassuringly, Mulder jerked away from her touch. "No I want her here. I want to see her." "Ok, Ok Mulder come on, you need some fresh air." Mais said helping him up, throwing Dan an evil glare before they left the room. Saturday afternoon Mulder sat in the corner and watched everyone else's families come in, hugging and kissing them. Wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, all with over night bags, all staying till Monday, all except me. Mulder closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, sighing heavily. "Something wrong Mulder?" Dan said with a wry grin on his face. Mulder glared at him, a wave of rage ran over him and he shut his eyes again, slamming his head back against the wall. "Get your behavior up to par and we'll see about next weekend." Mulder trembled slightly from anger. I want to snap his neck in two he thought as Mais came over and touched his shoulder lightly "Hey Mulder." He didn't move, "Hey you ok?" "NO!" he growled "Well got a surprise for you come on." Mulder got up slowly and followed her outside. "Your letting me escape? OH Mais thank you!" Mais gave him THE LOOK and smiled "Better than that, close your eyes." Mulder closed his eyes and waited. "Ok now what?" "Open them." Mulder opened them and stared into ocean blue eyes. "Scully." He said grabbing her quickly into a tight hug, lifting her off the ground. She ruffled his hair lightly, and kissed his forehead. He claimed her lips hungrily tasting her, groaning into her mouth as he placed her back on her feet. "Mulder? Um Mulder?" Mais said, looking around as the kiss grew more passionate. Mulder tore from Scully lips "No." he whispered as he kissed her again. "Mulder?" He rubbed against Scully slightly. "Mulder? You're in an open area here." Mais said with a smile as Scully pushed him away. "I can't stay long." She said wiping her lipstick form his lips. "ok, ok come . . ." "Dan doesn't know she's here." Mais said flatly. "Dang I hate that man." Mulder grumbled under his breath. Scully touched his face lightly, running her fingers over it. He leaned into her touch and sighed "Get me out of here Scully." He said softly, hugging her again "Not yet, you still have a long way to go. Guess what I'm investigating? Another Flukeman!" "Ugh you hate those." "I know nothing else to do." Mulder smiled at her sadly "Can we at least walk for awhile Mais?" "Sure." "Unsupervised?" "No." Mulder sighed in disappointment, smiling slightly when Scully linked her fingers with his. Mais watched them as they walked to the pier and back, stamping her foot in disgust. This would have helped him greatly to have her with him this weekend. He's more verbal and gregarious when she's around. "I gotta go Mulder. I'll call you with my numbers ok?" "Yeah I love you." "Love you too Tiger, try and be good." Scully said, kissing him sweetly on the lips before leaving. Mulder growled in frustration as he watched her leave. "Can I be alone for a while?" "Why?" Mais asked concerned "Huh?" "Why do you want to be alone?" "I need to take care of something." "What?" Mulder gave her a strange look and laughed "You really want me to tell you?" "Yes I would." "I need to jerk off." "OH!" Mais said blushing, "uh sure you can be alone for awhile." "Thanks." Mulder said, running off quickly. Monday Group therapy Mulder sat and looked at the smiling, sated faces of the other patients and felt the anger beginning to boil inside him. Don't, be good and you'll see her this weekend, he thought as Dan took a seat and smiled at Mulder before looking around the room. "Everyone enjoy their weekend?" he said looking at Mulder as he said it, "Any good news from home?" As the patients related stories, Mulder stayed silent, willing himself not to have an outburst. I have to be good, have to be good no confrontations with Dan or he'll deny Scully's visit again, he repeated in his mind. "What about you Mulder?" Dan asked, the other residents giggled "Yeah how was the solo sex?" one resident heckled. Mulder stayed silent. "Mulder? Your weekend?" "It was fine." "And? Any thing new at home?" he wants me to open up, I'll open up the bastard, Mulder thought as he said "Well, my wife found another Flukeman she's investigating." Everyone looked at him with sardonic looks. Dan shook his head disappointed "Look, I know your upset that she wasn't able to stay . . ." "What? You don't believe me?" Mulder said genuinely hurt "No we don't." "And you wonder why I never open up and tell you anything. Half of the stuff I have to tell, you wouldn't believe. In my job, I investigate unexplained phenomena and paranormal happenings, a fluke man is as normal as we get." "Mulder. . ." Dan started with a reproachful tone of voice "Dan just stop ok. You aren't interested in me or what I think. I don't feel great today and I don't feel like arguing." "Arguing?" Dan asked innocently "You're getting on my nerves." "Oh I am?" "Yes you are so please . . . move to the next patient." "How are your DT's?" "I think I'm almost through them." "Really?" "What do you want from me?" "To open . . ." "Don't give me that crap Daniel. You hound me, pick on me on my worst days, then do your best to punish me for it when I lash out. I'm not a child, I refuse to be treated like one." "Really?" "Aw crap, I'm not arguing with you Dan, I'm not going to do anything of the sort cause if I do, I wont be able to see my wife AGAIN this weekend and I can't do that again." Mulder said running his hands through his hair in frustration "You've never told us about your wife Mulder. What's her name?" Mulder glared at Dan, shivering with anger. Mais came up behind him and whispered something in his ear. Mulder nodded and took a deep breath. "Her name is Dr. Dana Scully, we've been married about 2 years. She works with me." "Well nice to know. So have you . . ." "Dan leave him alone" Mais warned "But he's opening up." Mulder growled, picking up the chair he was sitting in and throwing against the wall "Open that up you prick bastard!" He screamed as he stormed out of the room. Mais ran after him "Mulder?" "God I hate him, I'll never see her now!" Mulder screamed as he stormed into his room. "Mulder you have to . . . " "No! No! I refuse to stay here, I . . ." he picked up the phone quickly and dialed Scully. "Scully." "Get me out of here, please get me out of here." Mulder sobbed into the phone. "Mulder? Honey, what happened?" "I . . I want to come home please, I want to come home." "Oh honey, what happened?" "Please I need to see you please?" "Ok I'll be up this afternoon." "Thank you baby." "Is Mais there? Can I speak with her?" "Ok." Mulder said handing the phone to Mais, who explained what happened quickly to Scully. "Ok let me talk to him again." Mais handed the phone back to Mulder. "Mulder? Honey I'll take care of this ok?" "Sure see you later." "Ok love you bye." Mulder hung up and laid back on his bed. "Want to talk about it?" Mais asked concerned "He reminds me of my father." "Who Dan?" "Yes, constantly pushing my buttons till I broke, then beating the hell out of me for talking back. Hated him too." Mais smiled sadly, petting his hair gently. He didn't move away from her touch and looked at her with sad eyes. "It's going to be alright Mulder, just a few more weeks." "If I survive that long." 6p.m. Scully walked triumphantly out of Dan's office "Arrogant prick, no wonder Mulder can't stand him." She muttered as she tried to calm herself down. I haven't been that angry since I caught Mulder snorting that first time. Deliberately being harder on Mulder, pushing his buttons cause he's an atheist, stupid Baptist preacher, bet he snake handled in his church, looks the type. "Scully!" Mulder said running to her, swooping her up in his arms, hugging her tightly "Get me out of here, get em out" he repeated over and over again as he held her. "Its okay Mulder calm down, calm down." She said rubbing his back reassuringly. "I miss you so much honey. I love you, I love you so much I want to go home. Please let me go home." Mulder said to her. "No Mulder, you have to stay here. You have to get better." "No, no please, please sign me out of here." "Shh baby come on you need to lay down." "No, don't leave me here." "Ok calm down." Scully said pulling away. She ran her fingers lightly across his face, down his jawline. He exhaled heavily and looked at her with pleading eyes. "I'm not signing you out. You need to be here." "But . . ." Mulder started "I will be here this weekend." "Ok." "You don't have to talk with Dan if you don't want to." "Ok can you . . ." "Mulder no you can wait." "Ok." "Honey its going to be alright." Mulder nodded "Come on you need to lay down." She said leading him back to his room "Hey Mulder you . . .well hello Dr. Scully." Mais said as they came into Mulder's room "Hey Mais, " then to Mulder, "Lay down, I'll be right back." Scully went and dampened a washcloth and came back placing it on Mulder's forehead. She let her fingers graze lightly over his chest and stomach "Feeling better?" "A little." Mulder said softly "I love you, I love my beautiful, beautiful Fox. Have you looked over the magazines I brought you?" "Yeah I found this nice ranch in Georgetown I like." "Ok I'll take a look at it later." "Can we be alone for a few minutes Mais?" "Mulder." Scully said sternly, before Mais could object. "Aw honey please." Mulder begged "I think it would take more than a few minutes." Mulder chuckled and shifted towards her, letting out a soft purr. "You purring Tiger?" Mulder purred louder. "Like that huh?" Mais smiled, frowning when she got a page from Dan. "Looks like you get your wish Mulder. I want you decent when I get back." 10 minutes later Mais came back in and blushed when she saw Mulder devouring Scully's mouth, rubbing against her urgently. "Mulder stop." Scully giggled as she pulled from his lips. Mulder groaned and unbuttoned his pants. "Mulder I don't . . . I have to go." "This won't take long I promise." Mais smiled as she left giving them some privacy. 15 minutes later Mais peeked back in and smiled as Scully untangled herself from a sated Mulder. She rebuttoned his boxers and pants. "There Tiger, feeling better?" she said softly as she smoothed his hair from his face. Mulder nodded, snuggling into her more. "Honey I gotta go." "No stay." Mulder said quietly, clutching at her. "I can't. I'll see you this weekend." "Ok I love you." "I love you too." Mulder sighed heavily, snuggling into his pillow. "He's probably going to sleep for a while." Scully said to Mais as she got ready to leave. "Ok I'll just keep an eye on him, see you later Dr .Scully." Next morning "Hey Mulder you look like your feeling better." Mais sad as she came into Mulder's room. He nodded as he tied up his sneakers "Yeah I am, what's that?" He said sitting up and pointing to the piece of paper in her hand. "Your progress sheet." "How am I doing?" "Well." "Great." "Mulder you have to change your routine." "Hmm?" "I talked with Scully and got an idea of your day. You have to change it." "What, I run, take a shower, go to work, home . . ." "That would be fine, but you're a workaholic. Mulder, you get to work at 6:30, 7, you don't come home till 8 or 9, even on the weekends. This is something you both need to work on, it contributes to your drug use." "Anything else?" "You two are too closed off. I know I'm going to sound like Dan a minute, but there are more people in the world besides you and Scully. You need to go out associated with other people . .. " "Open up?" "Yes. A person like you can't get bored or well, they find things to occupy their time." "Like snorting a few lines and . . ." "Right." "Ok, ok so anything else?" "No, not yet. Now anything we need to talk about?" "Can I be alone this afternoon?" "No." "I'm not going to use." "Why do you want to be alone so much Mulder?" "To think. I want to be by myself, think things through. I just need some time to mediate on everything I'm going through then I can start thinking of ways to do what's best for me. I can't do that in a group or supervised." "Ok then, I'll see you later tonight then." 1 p.m. "YOU WHAT?!" Dan bellowed "I let him be alone for awhile Dan. What's so wrong what that? God what do you have against that man Dan? He's just trying to get clean on his own terms. It's the best way for these 40 days to mean anything to him." "He's cocky and arrogant. He doesn't' apply any of . . ." "He doesn't believe in GOD Dan! Half of your manual is about prayer, god and faith. That man has faith in one thing, his wife. I want him to build faith in himself, once he has that, he'll have the determination he needs to stay clean. You need to watch it Dan, don't get personal." Mais said as she walked out of Dan's office. She found Mulder sitting on the beach watching the water. He picked up a stone and skipped it across the water, smiling when it made it more than halfway across. You're going to make it Mulder, you're going to make it, Mais thought as she went back to her office. Epilogue-3 weeks later Scully drove up in front of the treatment center and smiled when she saw him. He looked different. He'd gained back most of the weight he'd lost, had a dark tan from constantly being out side, a few blond streaks in his hair from constantly swimming in chlorine and saltwater. He held his bags tightly in his hands, practically running to the car when she parked. He put his bags in the car and got in quickly. "Come on, quick before they change their minds." Scully laughed and got in. "Call me when you get home Mulder. I still have to stay in contact with you for 6 months to make sure your doing ok." Mais said, waving to him. "Ok Mais bye." Mulder said as Scully pulled off. Mulder reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of Camels, pulling one out and getting ready to light it when he caught Scully giving him THE LOOK. "What?" "I know your not going to even think about lighting that up in here." Scully said matter of factly. "I . . ." "And another thing." "Yeah?" "Your not smoking in the house." "But . . ." "Just bought a nice new house and your going to smoke it up. Of all the things to take up again Mulder." Scully said with a sigh. "It was either this or gum and I know you hate it when I chew gum." "I would have preferred it to cigarettes." "I'm already addicted to sunflower seeds, I couldn't think of anything else." Mulder said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. He exhaled heavily and started to drum his fingers on his leg. "Can't you drive any faster? I need to get home so I can light this thing up." "I'm already doing 75 in a 55. Just relax, it's a two hour drive Mulder." Mulder growled in frustration as he rolled down his window and lit his cigarette. Scully glared at him as he took a slow drag, exhaling the smoke with a sated sigh, "Sorry honey, it's a necessary evil."