Title: I Can't Win Author: Erin M. Blair E-Mail: eblair@sonic.net Classification: VRA--Vignette, Romance, Angst Content: Mulder/Scully Romance. Alternate Universe. Scully POV. Mulder POV. Spoiler: The End Rating: PG Archive: OK to archive at: Gossamer and Xemplary. Others: Ask me first. Please forward to ATXC. Disclaimer: The characters of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully doesn't belong to me. They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and the FOX network. No infringement is intended. Author's Note: I was feeling very melancholy today so I decided to write this short vignette. It's a mood piece based on the events of the The End. Contains no spoilers from the movie. This follows "Life Will Go On" where Fox Mulder, from a different universe, is in Dana Scully's alternate universe, and yes, she does call him "Fox" and he calls her "Dana". Stories in this universe: "Letters to Dana", "Without My Soulmate", "I Have No One", and "Life Will Go On." Feedback: As I'm trying to become a better writer, I appreciate positive, critical feedback. Summary: Scully's feelings after she sees Fox with Diana Fowley, and then she writes Mulder a letter. Alternate Reality. -------------------------------------- I CAN'T WIN Written by: Erin M. Blair -------------------------------------- Scully's apartment Georgetown, MD Monday, 9:00 p.m. -Scully's Letter to Mulder- Dear Mulder, I know that writing this letter is odd. Very odd since you're dead and I'm still here. Still here... Sometimes, I wish that I wasn't. I saw that Diana Fowley with you-know-who in the hallway, and you don't how fast that I ran to my car. All of this happened an hour ago, and he called me. I could hear his voice on my answering machine. I'm not answering. I can't win. I'm not going to try... Yours, Scully * * * She doesn't know this, but I was watching over her when she was writing a letter to me. Some kind of ghostly projection, that's what I'd like to call it. I'm stuck at what they call a "waiting area" because there are still some unfinished business that I'd left behind. Scully. I thought that if I killed myself all of her anguish would go away. They wouldn't do anything to her if I'm not in the picture. All I wanted was for her to move on and to be happy. I was wrong. I told her that she's my soulmate and how much I loved her. I still love her, and it hurts me so much to see how much pain she's in. How do I know? I'm always watching her... I have to watch her to make sure that she's safe. That she's happy... I have to show her that he loves her... I willed myself to write a letter and I gently put on the table. * * * Dana Scully's Apartment Georgetown, MD Tuesday, 5:00 a.m. I saw a slip of paper on the kitchen table, and it's from Mulder. Not the one that I had seen with Fowley, but the one who died. Although they are alike in many ways, they have slight differences in handwriting. "Dear Scully, I'm sorry for what I put you through when I killed myself. I shouldn't have left you like that. All I wanted for you was to be safe. I thought that if I killed myself, you'd be protected. I was wrong. Dead wrong. Sorry, slight dead humor. I also thought that you'd be loved by someone who loves you as I do. That's the reason why I'd arranged for the other Mulder to find you. That's why I had told you in my letter that we'll meet again soon. If I were still living, I would make certain that you know how much I love you. I'll always love you. That's why I'm still watching out for you. I'll always watch over you. Remember this: Diana Fowley isn't the key to my heart and soul. You are. It's true for me, and I know it's true for him. If you quit on loving him, he'll fall apart. He lost his chance before, Scully, you know that. I doubt that he wants to lose you too. You're all that he has left. You can win, Scully! Please believe me. Yours, Mulder" I read the letter repeatedly. Mulder knew about this? He had been watching over me like a guardian angel. He wanted me to be happy and to move on with my life. He *gave* me to Fox. He'd given Fox a light to find me when he needed it the most. To show him that there was a Dana Scully for him. * * * She read the letter several times, and I could tell that she was moved by it. Now, I had to reach Fox. I can't believe that I called myself that, but that's what he calls himself. I know that I'm off the subject---Scully. Scully and Fox. I have to fix them up for the second time. He has to realize that this is the only chance that he'll have with her. I decided to leave her, and find him. It wasn't that hard, believe me. I always know where he is, and I know that he was with Diana Fowley. I know that I had dated her, and I fondly remember her with disgust. She was the reason why it took me such a long time to realize that Scully was the one for me. The *only* one for me. The kicker was that I can't have her. I'm dead. I shouldn't have killed myself. If only I knew what I know now, Scully and I would be together. I know that now. * * * Fox Mulder's Apartment Alexandria, VA Same day, 6:00 a.m. I could see Fox in the apartment, and I guess that he likes to sleep on the couch. I *know* that I'd enjoyed it myself. I know that he could hear me so I decided to go into his dreams. "Fox, it's me," I said, simply. I didn't want to waste any time. "I need to talk to you about..." I paused. I decided to use the name that he'd called her. "Dana." That got his attention. "What about her? She's all right, isn't she?" His voice was in total alarm. From what his voice told me, he would die if anything happens to her. I decided to show him the letter that Scully wrote me. "There's something that you should see. Two letters. Scully wrote a letter to me last night..." "Last night? Why?" "She saw you with Diana Fowley at the hospital. She was going to tell you the news about Gibson Praise's MRI results." "How do you know that?" "I'm always watching out for her." "But why?" "All I wanted was for her to be happy and to be loved by someone who loves her as I did." "I'm that person, Mulder." "If you don't make her see how much you love her, then you'll be back to the universe where you're originally from where there's no Dana. There will be no more chances. You have to face this now." I think that he understood what he's faced with. * * * Dana Scully's Apartment Georgetown, MD Same day, 8:00 a.m. I heard some incessant knocking at the door, and I walked to answer it. It was Fox, wearing a grey T-shirt and jeans. He looked as though he hadn't fallen asleep. "Fox, what are you doing here?" "I couldn't sleep, Dana. How come you thought I loved someone else?" "Who told you that?" "Someone who cares," He replied, as he sat down on the couch. "It doesn't really matter, but it alarmed me to think you couldn't win. Do you know how much I despise Diana Fowley?" He paused. "She's so annoying. She's like a broken record. I know for a fact that *Mulder* hates her too." "I hadn't known that..." "It's true. All true," He said, with a sigh. "The truth is that I love you. We're meant to be together. You can win, Dana. In fact, you already won." At that, he took me into his arms, and I could feel his warm lips on me ready for a kiss. I kissed him. Long and hard. That's when I knew how I won. I won because I'm happy. I'm happy to be in love with him. End of Story. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------- - Erin Blair - eblair@sonic.net - "And if I quit now, they win." - from the X-Files: Fight the Future Movie