Disclaimer.

The characters belong to C-13, and Fox... They are not mine, nor
is the poster. (damn!) But they story is mine...
No sex,cussing(except in the disclaimer;)), or romance... Maybe a
bit of an x-file about obsession.

Enjoy...


Please replace the original in the archive with this one. Thanks.


Philosophy. (8/25/95) original release
(c) 1995 Daniel Pearce
---------------------------------------------------

     Sometimes, in life, an item or slogan can become a
philosophy and Fox Mulder found his philosophy in a Spencers one
day while hunting down a Killer.  "I want to believe."

     Over the years it had become a mantra. He chanted it in his
sleep and breathed it to anyone who had a chance at having the
truth. Many, many time the lines blurred and the clear, simple
words became cloudy and indistinct. But the idea remained. "I
want to believe."

     He stood on the mountain the night Duane Berry took Scully
away and yelled at the stars and the universe. "I want to
believe." His throat was sore and his mind exhausted and still
the spark burned in his head.

     It ruled his life and brooked no intrusion. It's consuming
desire reached out and grabbed the nearest and dearest to him. It
sucked Scully in just as surely as it engulfed and defined his
life. The only difference is that she always tried to disprove it
first. But deep inside, Scully wanted to believe.

     It had yellowed over years, drying and cracking, the tiny
holes in the corner from the numerous thumbtacks, a mute reminder
of the loss of his sister. It had really developed a life of it
own. If it could tell stories...

     When he had been forced into retirement he almost left it on
the wall. Hoping in the back of his mind that the next young
person to stride through the door would take up the banner. "I
want to believe."

     He knew it would never happen. No one seemed to believe.
Scully retired with him saying, "If agent Mulder is not good
enough for the FBI, then neither am I," and she slapped her id
wallet and gun down on AD Talbert's desk. Talbert was 20 years
her junior. He could never understand. "I want to believe."

     When he brought it down off the wall his eye's misted over
and a little something inside him died. It seemed to be more then
the end of an era. It seemed to accuse him as he tried to roll it
up for the trip home. After 40 + years hanging on the wall the
philosophy did not want to be put away, there was no room for
surrender. It crinkled and made alarming noise as he tried to
roll it into a tube. Mulder almost broke down, he finally spoke
to it, "This is only to get you home. " Then grudgingly it rolled
into a sloppy tube, apparently soothed by his promise. 

     He had no one he could give it to, to carry on the religion.
No son or daughter would stare at it and feel the power that it
conveyed, the thing that made it special. "I want to believe."

     He and Scully got into their car and Scully never let the
trunk close on the dream. She pulled the sloppy tube off the top
of the box and held it in her lap the whole way home. A place of
honor. "I want to believe

     They argued briefly about buying a frame and where to put it
and he won in the end.  He didn't want to cheapen it by adding
all the nonsense. It survived this long and it would survive till
he died. He thumbtacked it to the wall over the TV and smiled to
himself at the irony. "I want to believe."

     Retirement never stopped Him or Scully . They still had
access to things and they never stopped looking. No matter how
tired they became or how one or the others body let them down,
there was to much invested in dream. "I want to believe."

     In all the years they had lived together the blured saucer
shape and the bold, white letters had marked both of them.  It
marked them as one for all time. He and Scully had gone to the
wall thousands of time for the philosophy and were always one
step behind and still they pledged the allegiance. He was sure it
was branded on there souls. "I want believe."

     It had been strange all those many years ago. He and Scully
weren't married. They lived together as companions and roommates
for more then 30 years and it all came about because of the
philosophy. He remembered the discussion. "Frankly Mulder, I
can't see myself with anyone else." That is what she had said, it
wasn't romance but it worked for them. They became constant
companions all because of a cheap poster from Spencers.

On his dying day as he lay in their bed. She held his hand and
waited for the end with him. He only had one thing to say. "I
want to believe." Scully cried to herself.


Dan Pearce....

Revised 3/22/96



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GA is IDDG! :)
The Few, The Proud, The GATB...
But you're still alive!