Ties That Bind part 1 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman

Archive: Gossamer

Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: April 16, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money.
All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created
out of my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow
force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

Note:

This story contains acts of the graphic, non-consensual sexual nature
between Mulder and another male. The scenes are extremely graphic, so if
this is not your cup of tea, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00 and
do not send flames, as they will be ignored, but sent back 10 fold.
Everyone still present, please send feedback. I'm hungry.

ALL NON ADULTS TURN BACK NOW! I TAKE NO BLAME IN CORRUPTING THE MINDS OF
THE YOUNG, HOWEVER NON-INNOCENT THEY MAY BE. I ONLY CORRUPT MINDS OF THE
ADULTS!

Now...ON WITH THE SHOW!

 

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Teaser:

**************************************************************************************


Somewhere in the D.C. Area

March 2, 1999 1:30am

It was raining, but he could hardly feel it, as the soft drops fell
lightly on his head. He was walking in a somewhat stooped manner, head
bowed. He felt like the world was going to come crashing down on him.
Everything he knew to be true, and right with the world, (or thought he
did) was disappearing, along with the only person that mattered to him
in the world.

How could she say that to me? He thought. How could she say that I don't
trust her, and then just walk away? Doesn't she know that she's
everything to me? Hell, He didn't even know what she meant to him half
the time, how on earth did he expect HER to? All he knew was that he
could feel her slipping away; and he couldn't let that happen.

"Scully..." He muttered. Damn! He knew that he was letting Diana push all
his buttons, (and she new just how to push) he thought, but Scully, she
knew Diana was bad. Why couldn't he have seen it sooner? He still wasn't
completely certain of her complicity, but he knew that Diana could no
longer be trusted, as he once had. Not after that Black lunged bastard
had let himself into her apartment with his own key.

Mulder stumbled slightly as he stepped off of the curb, getting ready to
cross the street. He was drunk. He knew it, and he knew that he
shouldn't have had that last beer that pushed him, stumbling, over the
edge, but he just wanted to dull the pain.

God, Scully had been so angry. He couldn't bear to see her so angry, let
along know that it was himself that had put her in that state. He knew
he was only succeeding in pushing her farther away, but every time he
opened his mouth lately, he couldn't help but shove his size 11's into
it. Earlier today, he'd managed to actually fit both in.

Mulder cursed, as he realized that he must have twisted his ankle when
he tripped and the pain was slowly making its way up his leg, with every
step.

"Shit!" he mumbled. "Good! I deserve it."

He was hobbling now, and suddenly Mulder realized that he was being
followed. The person was trying to match their footsteps to his own, but
being that Mulder was now limping, it made it more difficult and easier
for him to be heard in the quiet of the early morning.

Mulder quickly tried to pull his gun out from his holster, but his
actions were slowed from the alcohol, and from him being piss drunk,
that the gun went flying from his hands as his arms were grabbed, and he
was spun around to face the wall.

"What do you want?" Mulder slurred, when he caught his breath.

He could hear the smile in the mans words as he pressed himself into
Mulder. "Just you, handsome. Just you."

Mulder's last thought as he fell to the ground from sickening blow of
his own gun meeting his scull, was that there was never a cop around
when you needed one.

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Part 1 Scene 1

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Dana Scully's Apartment

Annapolis, Maryland

1:30am

Scully lay in bed, tossing and turning. She had gone to bed at around
midnight, but she couldn't prevent the thoughts that were keeping her
awake, from intruding on her peacefulness. She could hear the rain that
had started up again about an hour ago, as it slowly and methodically
rapped on the windows.

Mulder…she thought. God, he really angered her sometimes. She couldn't
understand why he would be so ready to trust *Diana* over her. She knew
that hey had a relationship with each other, the specifics of which she
didn't know, but there was no mistaking the look in his eyes. That look
that suggested that he was remembering a better time in his life. But
she also couldn't mistake what she knew to be true. That Diana was
deceiving them; or rather, Mulder.

What was hurting her most wasn't that he trusted Diana, after all, he
knew her longer and better, and they'd actually worked on the X-Files
together at some point.

It was the fact that he was ignoring all the evidence. All the proof
that the Gunmen and she had found of her actions in Europe with women
who had suffered as she had. The same as all those women in Allentown
had; and it was eating her alive that he would ignore facts such as these

Suddenly, Scully felt uneasy. She looked over at the clock on her
nightstand, and glared at the red numbers that told her it was 1:41 in
the morning. Scully wondered at the fact that Mulder hadn't called. He
always did, particularly after a rather nasty argument such as they'd
had. Either that or he stumbled to her door at 3am, half cocked. True,
it wasn't yet 3am, but she was worried. Something was nagging at the
back of her mind. She tried to push the thoughts down, as she turned
over trying to grasp at the sleep that was eluding her, but she couldn't
get rid of the fear that was slowly squeezing her heart in a vice-like
grip. Scully and Mulder were close. Closer then any other two agents in
the FBI that she knew of. They shared a bond that frequently had other
agents baffled, as well as jealous. She *knew* something was wrong. She
knew it.

Scully turned back over, and flicked the lamp by her bedside on. Dialing
the familiar number, she prayed that she'd hear a groggy voice ripped
from the peacefulness of sleep that she herself could not find. After
four rings, and the answering machine picking up, she hung up without
leaving a message. She next tried his cell phone, but when the automated
voice came on saying that the recipient of the call was either not
answering, or out of range, she hung up again, more agitated and
worried. Panic was slowly rising in her.

Somewhere in downtown D.C, Mulder's phone lie helpless on the ground,
with a few drops of blood splattered over the call display. And
somewhere, even farther away, Mulder was calling Scully's name.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Somewhere in Washington DC.

2:00am

"Scully…" came a muffled moan from somewhere in the depths of DC.

He was cold. Why was he so cold? He tried to wake up. Tried to make some
sense out of what he was feeling, and why, but it was easier said then
done. His mind was thick with a haze that seemed to have no beginning
and certainly no ending in sight.

Scattered bits of memories of the prior evening were starting to make
their way back to him, the first of which was the bitter fight between
him and Scully. Then that horrible bar, where he proceeded to get bombed
and kicked out; the twisting of his ankle, followed by the feeling as
though he were being followed. The last thought brought it all rushing
back to him with frightening clarity, and with the memories came the pain.

A dull throbbing from his right ankle, which he figured he probably
sprained, and the sharper pain from the blow he'd received to the back
of his skull. Frankly, he was wondering why he hadn't been seriously
brain damaged long ago, with all the concussions he'd received. (Or
maybe he was brain damaged. He knew Scully certainly thought so half of
the time.) Other then those two injuries though, he felt relatively
unharmed.

Finally, Mulder succeeded in opening his eyes, but what he saw made him
wish that he hadn't. The sight of where he was frightened him even more
so then when he'd realized he'd been attacked. He was in a tall, though
small cinder block room, if you could even call it that. It was barely
the size of his living room. The floor was just a dirt floor, and it was
littered with the scattered remains of clothing of past occupants. There
didn't appear to be a door, though he knew this to be impossible, being
as how he'd gotten in here somehow, even if it was against his will.
There was one solitary window, about 7' up one wall, with bars on it. No
furniture; No sink; And no toilet; and damned if he didn't have to pee.
That appeared to be the lesser of his problems at the moment though. The
first problem to solve was how on earth he was going to get out of this
mess.

He quickly checked his belongings, though knowing full well that his gun
and all other personal belongings had been removed. He was proven right.
He really knew how to fuck things up, didn't he? Mulder thought, as a
sigh escaped his mouth.

Mulder started to feel around the walls, thinking that if he looked hard
enough, maybe he'd be able to discern where there might be a doorway of
some kind, but being that there was hardly any light filtering in
through the window, it made it all the more difficult.

He was just starting to think that maybe he'd found something when he
felt, rather then heard a presence behind him. He didn't have time to
turn though, as he received his second sharp blow to the head of that
night, sending him reeling back into the comforts of the blackness that
enveloped him.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************


3:15am

"My my my, we slept long, now didn't we? Perhaps I hit you a little hard
that time huh, handsome?"

Mulder awoke to find himself lying in a fetal position. He hadn't yet
opened his eyes, but he knew that he was bound, by what felt like duck
tape, around his wrists and ankles. His arms were behind his back, and
he now had a dull throbbing pain in his shoulders to match the pain that
had now doubled in his head, from the second blow he'd received.

"Now now, handsome, none of that silent treatment! I didn't bring you
all the way here to talk to the walls."

"What the fuck do you want?" Mulder seethed? Before Mulder had the
sentence fully out of his mouth, he regretted it, for it was followed by
a swift kick to the middle of his back.

Mulder arched his back in pain, and he thought that he could literally
see stars flash behind his still closed eyelids. "Shit! Ahh I'm gonna
kill you, you bastard! Wait till I get my hands on you. Shit! I'm gonna
kill you!" Mulder screamed.

"You better watch what you say, handsome, or I may not be so easy on
you! You watch your tone of voice, and you had better watch those words
that come out of your mouth! I won't tolerate cussing!"

"Great, I got stuck with Mr. June Cleaver for an attacker…" he muttered,
barely muffling the "Mother Fucker" that escaped from his mouth.

The man quickly bent down and grabbed Mulder's hair, pulling his head
back so that he could look into his eyes and make himself clear. "I
*said* you…had…better…watch…your…language. I won't say it again. Next
time I'll make sure you don't say another word ever again."

Mulder was now completely terrified, as he looked into the eyes of his
attacker for the first time. In his eyes, he saw a bottomless pit. No
soul, and certainly no fear of dying. Just a coldness that reached into
the very depths of Mulder and made him shiver uncontrollably.

"Now I'm not going to gag you. That would take all of the fun out of
what I'm going to do to you. I want to hear you scream. I want to hear
you whimper, and I definitely want to hear you cry. I'm going to make
you so afraid that you won't be able to whip out that pretty little dick
of yours to take a piss, you'll be so afraid." Most of all, handsome,
I'm going to make you ashamed. Ashamed at yourself 'cause I'm gonna make
you come, and scream as you orgasm from me ramming my cock up your ass.
I'm gonna make you wish you were dead."

Mulder already wished he were.

 *****************************************************************************************************************************************************


End of Part 1

Continued in Part 2

******************************************************************************************************************************************************


 

 

 *_Ties That Bind_ *Part 2 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman

Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: April 18, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money.
All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created
out of my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow
force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

**************************************************************************************


9:17am

Jay Edgar Hoover Bld.

X-Files Division (Basement)

Scully knew that she should probably stop pacing. If she continued in
this manner for much longer, she would wear a hole straight through to
the dirt below the concrete floor. The only time in which she wasn't
pacing, was when she stopped to look at the clock on Mulder's desk. Then
she would compare it to the time that was on the wall in the other
section of their "office," and then she would look at her watch.

She had arrived at the office at around 7:30 this morning. Scully
finally managed to fall asleep at around 4:00, but it had been a fitful
sleep, to say the least. After finally deciding to get dressed and come
into work, she realized that she hadn't even tried the office phone to
see if maybe Mulder was at the office late last night. Sometimes he
would go there if he couldn't sleep, figuring that he'd start working on
a new case. When she phoned to find that no one was there, she decided
to go there and see for herself thinking that maybe the phone wasn't
working. She stopped on the way to check his apartment, but of course he
wasn't there. In fact, it didn't look like he'd been there since before
work the previous day.

She was now at her wits end, not knowing what to do. It was a constant
struggle between anger and fear, not knowing whether he was missing, or
whether he'd ditched her again. Although she'd be furious, she sincerely
hoped that it was the latter.

Scully was about to go upstairs to talk to Skinner, when all of a sudden
the shrill sound of the phone stopped her dead in her tracks. She
quickly spun around and ran to the phone, almost banging her hip on the
corner of the desk.

"Scully." She said quickly, but her heart quickly fell as she recognized
the voice on the other end.

"Agent Scully."

"Yes sir." She said dejectedly.

"I need to see you and Agent Mulder in my office right away." She could
hear the aggravation in AD Skinners voice, and she had an idea that he
was upset about their latest expense report, but she couldn't think
about that right now.

"Sir- Mulder's not here. In fact, I don't know where he is. Sir, I think
he may be in trouble."

"What happened Agent Scully?" AD Skinner was slightly agitated. Mulder
was always getting himself into trouble, relying on others to get him
out of the messes he got himself into. One of these times, they wouldn't
be able to help; and that would be a sad day because Fox Mulder was one
of the brightest agents that the FBI had. Fox Mulder didn't have many
friends within the bureau. In fact, aside from Agent Scully, he couldn't
think of one. He had an extreme admiration for the young agents, but he
knew that others didn't feel the same. Their nickname for the two as Mr.
and Mrs. Spooky told him as much. He did know though, that still others
were extremely jealous of his talents, and that often times manifested
itself in cruel ways. Although Agent Mulder was extremely intelligent,
he was also very stupid at times, putting himself in dangerous
situations without adequate back-up and without informing his partner of
his intentions. This was probably another such incident.

Skinner could hear his agent talking on the other line, and he quickly
pulled himself out of his mind and into the present.

"...Sir, we had an argument last night, and I haven't heard from him
since. I called his apartment several times, as well as his cell, but
he's not answering. I also called the office before I came in this
morning, but he wasn't here either, and from what I can tell, he hasn't
been since we left last night. I also went over to his apartment before
I got here this morning sir, and it doesn't look like he even went home
last night. There were two newspapers propped up against his door."
Scully paused for a moment before continuing. She had been speaking very
quickly, and now had to pause to take some much needed air into her
lungs. "Sir, I'm really worried."

"Calm down Agent Scully," Skinner said. "I'm sure he's fine, but do you
have any idea where he might have gone last night?"

"Well sir…" She hesitated in telling her boss this, but she knew she had
to in order to find Mulder. "Sometimes when he's has a particularly
tough day, he goes to a local bar to have a drink, but I can't say for
sure." She hoped that Mulder wouldn't get in trouble. Drinking in this
line of work was frowned upon, due to the fact that it is a high-risk
position; even in their off duty hours. (Not that they ever had "off
duty" hours) But it was expressly forbidden during the workweek. She
could feel it in her heart that something was wrong and no matter what
the consequences, she had to find Mulder.

She could hear the AD sigh over the phone. "Do you know which bar he
likes to frequent?"

"No sir, but I can call all the ones local to where he lives, as well as
the ones close to the office."

"Why don't you do that agent, and get back to me."

"Yes sir." Scully said, and hung up. At least now she had something to
do. "Oh Mulder…she sighed. What did you do this time?"

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Somewhere in D.C.

10:00am

"Fox William Mulder, Special Agent of the Federal Bureau of
Investigation, otherwise known as spooky Mulder, and all around fuck up
who always manages to get his ass kicked." Mulder let out a sarcastic
laugh, as he followed around the train of thought that was barreling
through his head at the moment.

He was still tied up in the corner. Same as before, and the only thing
that was keeping him sane at the moment was the hope that Scully would
some how find him and kill the son of a bitch that'd done this to him.
Scully.

"Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully, MD. And friend extraordinar." You
wouldn't find her with a name like Spooky, he thought. Oh, right; she
was Mrs. Spooky. He hated himself for giving her the reputation that she
now had. She had had a bright, promising career in front of her, and
now, thanks to him, there was just a dead end. Maybe she wouldn't come
for him after all. After their fight the other night, she was probably
glad to be rid of him.

The only comfort he took in his present state of affairs, was the fact
that that bastard had managed to leave him alone since earlier that
morning. After letting go of his grip on Mulder's hair, he slowly got up
and let himself out. But not before he so gracefully managed to pinch
him on the ass. This time as he left though, Mulder managed to be
conscious, and so he saw where the door was. It was just below the
window, but it was well hidden because it was just about 3 1/2 feet
tall. You almost had to crawl through it. If Mulder had continued
searching for it as he had been, he would have never found it. As it
was, he could hardly see the partition now, but now he knew where to
look. Not that It did any good, being that he was still tied up.

During the morning at some point, as was normal, his eyes had become
more adjusted to the dark. He thought he saw something attached to the
opposite wall from the door, but he couldn't be sure. Until now. Now
that there was more light streaming through the window, he could clearly
make out the form of shackles. They were about a foot off the floor, and
they didn't make him too happy.

He was just about to go back to reciting his mantra about what a fuck-up
he was, when the "door" started to creek open.

By how much he had to hunch over in order to get through the door,
Mulder figured that the rapist was about 5'11" tall. He was slightly
less built then he was, but not by much. He couldn't exactly tell in
this light, but he guessed that his attacker had dark blond hair,
bordering on brown, and he knew from last night that he had dark
soulless eyes. From the events of the past 9 hours, Mulder guessed that
he liked to catch people off guard. That it excited him to be witness to
someone who didn't know that they were being watched; and he definitely
liked to be in control. It was probably the only way that he could perform.

"Well well well, good morning handsome! I trust we slept well last night?"

When Mulder didn't answer, the rapist bent down and looked directly at
him. Growling, he whispered, "I expect an answer when I ask you a
question." "Now," he started in a more up beat tone. "Did you sleep well?"

"Oh just dandy." Was Mulder's reply.

"Well, then I assume that you're all rested for what's on the agenda for
us today."

"And what would that be? A stroll through the park, after a nice
leisurely breakfast?"

"You should only be so lucky, handsome." He said smiling. "Actually, it
involve a lot of fun for me, and sadly not to much fun for you. I'm sure
you remember everything I said to you earlier this morning, while you
were being quite uncooperative?"

Mulder was silent.

The man had turned around when he started talking again, but at Mulder's
silence, he whirled to face him again and delivered a swift kick to his
ribs. Mulder inhaled a sharp shuddering breath, and when he felt he
could resume breathing again without feeling the need to throw up the
beer that was in his stomach, he whispered a muffled "I remember."

"Good. Then let's start my fun, shall we?"

"I'd prefer a little more beauty sleep, actually if you don't mind." Was
Mulder's reply.

"Oh, I don't think so. I think it's time to have fun."

**************************************************************

***********************************************NC17****************************************************


*18 AND UNDER, DO NOT PASS THIS POINT!*

10:15am

Mulder willed himself not to panic, but it was a loosing battle. The man
was slowly making his way towards him, and it was all that he could do
to not start screaming the profanities he knew would only gain him more
bruises and more pain. Not that he'd escape it anyway. Maybe he'd even
pass out so that he wouldn't have to experience the rest, but he knew
that this sick bastard would never give him the satisfaction. He could
only look on in horror, as he slowly drew a knife out of his pocket,
along with a pair of keys that he assumed were for the shackles.

As the man drew closer, Mulder tried to think of all the different ways
that he could attack him, but he couldn't find one.

All of a sudden, Mulder cried out in pain as he found himself grabbed by
his hair again and being pulled roughly over towards the shackles. If he
ever got out of this, (alive) he'd have to remember to shave his hair off.

When they reached the other side of the room, the man blessedly let go,
and Mulder quickly got to his feet in an attempt to ram himself into his
assailant. He only managed to ram himself into the cinder block wall as
the man, anticipating an attack quickly sidestepped is efforts. Mulder
fell to the ground and almost found the blackness that he so longed for,
when he was grabbed roughly by his hands and chained to the wall.

"That'll teach ya." The man sneered looking down at him. "Now; let's see
what we can do about those cloths."

"I swear to God if you touch me I'm going to…"

"Your gonna what?" He hollered. Cry? Moan? Shout? Go ahead. No one will
hear you, and that'll only make me happier." There's no way you're
getting out of here. Alive, at any rate."

With that, he picked up his knife which he'd placed on the floor, and
kneeled down over Mulder's thighs.

Slowly and methodically, he began to slice the buttons off of his shirt,
taking extreme delight in watching Mulder squirm. "Trying to go
somewhere handsome?" He laughed.

Having removed all of the buttons, he sliced a clean line down his right
arm, and then his left, taking care not to cut his slave. "Wouldn't want
to mar that pretty skin, now would we?"

"WOULD WE?" he shouted into Mulder's face.

"no." he whispered.

" No, we wouldn’t" and so he proceeded to rip the torn shirt from his body.

Mulder was shaking now. He couldn't remember ever being as scared as he
was right now, and all he could think of was how he could manage to make
himself small enough so that he could crawl through one of the cracks in
the wall.

Mulder felt himself being stroked up and down his torso. The mans hands
were slowly, admiringly moving up and down, up and down, as if
memorizing it through touch. Then his hands, having moved up farther
moved towards his nipples and started to play with them, pressing them
between his fingers. Kneading them. Mulder almost gagged when he saw
that the man was starting to lower his head towards his right nipple,
getting ready to suck on it. And it took almost all of his strength not
to throw up at the feel of his hot mouth taking him in and nipping at
the small bud, like it was the nipple of a woman's breast.

Mulder pulled at the shackles trying ineffectually to tear himself
loose, and was rewarded with the rapist biting into his left nipple,
which he'd just moved on to.

Mulder cried out in pain as he felt the hot tears start to flow down his
cheeks. He had never been so helpless as he was right now. Even when his
father beat him while growing up, and then when Sam was taken away, he
still felt like he had *some* power. But now…now he was completely
unable to defend himself, and he felt truly violated and helpless.

He felt the rapist start to move farther down again and pause as he
started to remove his pants.

Mulder was in full-blown panic attack mode now and he started to scream.

"Get the fuck away from me, you bastard! I'm gonna fucking kill you I
swear to God, your going down."

"Ooooh. I think I like the sound of that. In fact; that's what I had
planned next, handsome." And with that, Mulder felt the knife sink into
his pant leg and underwear together. They were then torn from him, and
he was left completely naked, and shivering. Mulder let his head fall
back as he closed his eyes and continued to cry softly.

"No you don't handsome. I want those pretty blues open. I want you to
see everything that I'm going to do to you." When he didn't open his
eyes, The man grabbed his penis and squeezed hard.

Mulder screamed as he opened his eyes and felt them role back into the
back of his head at the pain that was coursing through is groin. He
didn't think he'd ever hurt that much before. Not even when Scully had
shot him, and he almost past out when he was brought back to reality
with a slap across his face.

"Now...open those eyes…...there ya go."

As Mulder opened his eyes, he saw rather then felt the knife making its
trail down his stomach toward his nether regions. He was completely
paralyzed with fear.

The knife continued on its course down his body, but thankfully stopped
just shy of his penis, which was lying there helpless. The knife was put
aside as the man started to lower his head and Mulder knew that there
was nothing he could do. One move; One cry, and he knew that he'd be
given the fastest sex change operation in the world.

And then he felt his penis being enveloped in the heat of this animal's
mouth. He moved his head up and down with slow, deliberate ease.
Caressing his penis with his hand, he opened his mouth and started
swirling his mouth around the tip, and Mulder started to whimper as he
felt himself start to get hard. He was so ashamed, even though he knew
it wasn't something that he could control. He still felt completely
violated by himself that he couldn't control his bodily functions.
Mulder felt the pre-cum that was on the tip of his now fully erect penis
being licked off, and the mouth tighten and start its way back down his
penis.

In out, in out, in out first slow, and then faster and faster as the
rapist started to massage himself through his pants. Mulder tried to
stop himself from thrusting into his mouth, but he couldn't help it as
he felt the onsets of his orgasm begin, and it only made him cry harder.

Faster, and then impossibly faster still, until he felt the orgasm rip
through his body with earth shattering force, and he came in the other
mans mouth.

Mulder felt his penis go limp as the man withdrew him from his mouth.

Crying and devastated, Mulder curled himself into a ball on his side,
and proceeded to vomit and pee on himself at the same time.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Jay Edgar Hoover Bld.

11:30am

X-Files division

She was back to pacing. Scully had managed to call every bar in the
downtown DC area, and she had found absolutely nothing. No one had seen
Agent Mulder the previous morning. She didn't know what to do, and that
had her more scared then anything else. The thought that there was no
way for her to help Mulder was unthinkable. She just couldn't think.

Scully started getting dizzy from her constant pacing, so she stopped to
take stock of the situation.

"OK," she started out loud. "Mulder went missing at about 10:15pm on the
night of March 1^st ."

Scully tried desperately to remember what happened that night as they
were leaving. They both had left the office together. Mulder had picked
her up that morning since the roads were still slippery from a recent
ice storm. It was on the ride back to her place when they had that
horrible fight. *Diana* had managed to build another wall in between
them. <Pacing> Scully crossed her arms in front of her and rested her
forehead in her right palm.

Scully suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. "Damn it!" she shouted. "His
car!"

"Excuse me agent?"

Scully startled and spun around, and the sound of the AD's voice behind
her.

"Sir, yes I'm sorry." She rushed. "Have you heard anything?"

"No, Agent Scully, actually that's what I came down to ask you."

"Sir, no sir, I haven't, but I just realized something. Mulder drove me
to work yesterday and I completely forgot."

"Agent, I'm not sure I follow. So he drove you to and from work."

"Sir, I never even thought to track his car. To see if it was in the
parking lot by his building or anywhere else in the DC area." She
breathed. "When we find his car, we stand a better chance of finding
him. Well have a better idea of where to start looking."

"Get on it agent" nodded Skinner. "Be sure to keep me posted."

"Yes sir. Right away.

**************************************************************************************************************************

1:05pm

Scully let out a breath that she didn't know she'd been holding. She had
finally located his car about a half-hour ago, but so far, there were no
clues as to where he'd gone, and how to proceed. His car looked
untouched since the time it had been parked. He had gone drinking the
previous night she now knew, as she was standing in front of a bar that
was just 3 blocks from his apartment. One that she never even knew
existed, and so hadn't called. She'd gone into the bar to inquire about
Mulder having been there the night before, but they couldn't tell her
either way. The shift had already changed, and the night shift had gone
home. Scully pulled out her cell and started punching in the numbers
she'd been given of the previous night's shift. She got lucky on the
third call.

Yes, a man fitting Mulder's description had been in the bar the prior
evening, and in fact had caused such a ruckus that he'd been forced out
of the bar just barely an hour after arriving. Apparently he'd been
shouting that he'd managed to "fuck" up the only relationship in his
life that mattered to him. Again.

"Oh. Mulder" she sighed. "I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere."

He had been assisted out of the bar at around 1:15am. It fit the time
parameters perfectly. It took about 40 minutes to get to her place from
work, 30 back to Mulder's place, and then about an hour at the bar. But
what the hell happened then? The man on the other line said that he'd
called a cab for Mulder, but that he hadn't taken it because shortly
there after, the cab driver came in looking for his ride. Obviously, he
hadn't taken his car, so he must have started to walk home.

Scully started the short walk to Mulder's apartment. She didn't get far
though, when she noticed something on the ground that she was hoping she
wouldn't see. Just in front of her lying a few feet from the wall was
Mulder's cellular phone. Scully pulled out a latex glove and slowly put
it on so as not to ruin any evidence that might be on the phone. As she
stooped to pick up the phone, she noticed a smear of blood on the brick
wall that she guessed was probably Mulder's, as well as the few drops
that she now saw was on the phone as well.

Frantically, Scully called Assistant Director Skinner, briefed him of
the situation and then called in a forensic team to make a sweep of the
area. Hanging up the phone, she prayed to the God that she hoped was
still listening that they would find Mulder soon.

 *************************************************NC17**************************************************************


**************************************************************************************************************************

Somewhere in Downtown DC.

1:15pm

Mulder could feel himself floating. He was somewhere drifting between
wakefulness and nothing, and he couldn't feel his body. Perhaps he was
not with his body presently, and that idea arrived in him with some
sense of relief. If he was not in his body, he could not feel the pain
that it had endured. But he knew it was there. Waiting for his return.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Mulder came to in a pool of his own vomit and piss, and for a moment he
couldn't remember where he was and what had happened. Then the
realization of his circumstances hit him full on with the force of a
runaway train and it had the effect of leaving him nearly breathless. He
nearly let himself sink back into the darkness at the bleakness of it
all when he noticed that he was "sitting" in a somewhat awkward
position, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out what was going
on. Until he felt the ties that were binding his legs to his forearms.

Sometime after he'd passed out, Mulder had been unchained and flipped
over so that he was now essentially on all fours. His hands were
re-shackled and two long ropes were tying each leg to each arm so that
his ass was in the air. Mulder looked down through his legs to notice
the upside down figure of the man that he would later come to recognize
as the devil as he was visited in his nightmares.

"Thank you for rejoining the party handsome. I was beginning to think
that I'd chosen the wrong man to be my friend. I was beginning to worry,
thinking that it would take so little to break a man of the FBI. By the
way, your parent's did right by naming you Fox. You are quite an
exceptional looking man. The best looking friend I've ever had, actually."

"Thanks for the compliment, sneered Mulder. I'm afraid I can't return
the sentiment."

Mulder knew that he probably should have kept his mouth shut, but at
this stage of the game he felt so vulnerable that he couldn't help but
fight back in the only way possible at the moment. He noticed the
conflicting emotions that washed over the mans face, but didn't have
enough time to analyze them before Mulder felt a swift kick from a metal
toed boot connect with the center of his ass. Neither did he have time
to recover from that pain before the attacker pounced on him and not so
carefully placed his knife at the junction of his scrotal sac and his
rectum.

"I don't think that you understand quite well the situation that you're
in right now. And I don't think that you want to be testing my patience
because right now you're two seconds shy of never producing children, or
for that matter having an erection ever again. Of course, you may not
live that long, but I strongly suggest that you consider what I've said
before you open that beautiful mouth of yours again, you hear?"

<Panicked silence>

"I said do you hear me?" he shouted, while pressing the point of the
knife into the base of his rectum.

Mulder let out a muffled cry in response as a few anguished tears
dropped off of the tip of his nose.

"I suppose that'll have to do. I am deeply sorry that I had to resort to
this method, my little fox, but I will if I have to. Now; I think it's
about time that the partying resume."

With that, he lay the knife down on the ground and slowly began removing
his own clothing. All the while, Mulder was wondering how he'd be able
to get a hold of that knife so that he could slit his own throat.

Mulder didn't have long to dwell on the suicidal thoughts that were now
an ever-growing solution in his mind. He felt the hand of the devil
touching him in places that no man or woman should ever be touched
unsolicited. The hands hungrily groped first his ass, and then his back
moving down and under to his mid-section and then up to his nipples as
before. Mulder closed his eyes willing the hands to stop their
ministrations, but they only continued to do their travelling around his
body. Rubbing, smoothing and poking the most intimated recesses of his
form. Pinching and twisting, and kneading.

What started out as slow, now began to quicken as did the breath of the
beast, and Mulder with horror could feel the heat radiating off of the
man's tongue as it slithered out through thick lips to taste him. Up it
ran, from the crevice of his anus, up his spine, over his shoulder
blades and farther as he continued to rub and pull at his nipples, still
massaging them as before, but with a new sense of urgency that was
building in him. And horribly, as before, Mulder was becoming aroused.
Though arousal continued in the physical sense, he was quickly
retreating into the recesses of his mind, trying to escape the tortures
of the corporeal.

Mulder had blacked out in an effort to find some comfort in the
unknowing of what nightmares were still to follow, but he wasn't allowed
his peace for long. He guessed that he'd probably begun to lilt to the
side as he passed out, and so he was rewarded with a resounding thwack
to the side of his ass in an effort to rouse him.

The devil did not speak. Just grunted a warning while piercing him with
a deadening glare to not slip again.

Mulder shivered as hands started to move back down towards his genitals
to begin again the ministrations of earlier, and what was barely
flaccid, quickly became hard. Mulder had to bite down on his lip to keep
from crying out in anger and frustration as the tears that had begun
earlier now coursed steadily down his already stained cheeks. Rubbing,
smoothing, pinching, squeezing over and over again. Then, it suddenly
stopped, and Mulder had to open his eyes with disbelief. And wished he
hadn't for now the devil was moving him into his mouth. Heat and wetness
surrounded him once more as he shivered in the moments of pre-orgasm and
humiliation. Nothing. Nothing Mulder had ever experienced, from the
abduction of Samantha to the near death of Scully had prepared him for
such torture and he sunk farther into the pits of depression. He felt
his body jerk as he climbed steadily towards another orgasm, and he was
taken farther into the mouth of the devil. All the way to the hilt, and
then almost all the way out again. A quick lick of the head of his
penis, and a swift bob up and down again and he exploded into a thousand
pieces, whimpering and racked with choking sobs. He wished the earth
would swallow him whole.

**************************************************************************************************************************

 

"My, Fox…we are tasty. I wish you could taste your sweetness. Very sweet
indeed."

Mulder didn't hear him. He hadn't fainted again, just closed himself
off. He was in a safe place. A place where he could feel no pain, no
injustice, and no fear. He was like a silent observer. Hovering
unnoticed, and unafraid. He wished he could stay there forever.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Mulder was falling. It seemed like he would fall forever, and he thought
that just maybe, the earth had swallowed him whole. He heard himself let
loose a piercing scream as he felt the white heat sear through his body,
resonating out from the point of origin of his rectum. He was entered
from behind by the hands of the devil, and was aware of himself being
slowly ripped apart from the inside out. One finger, then two, and
finally three reached in to probe him. He felt the fingers reach his
prostrate and start rubbing it. Caressing it with not so gentle kisses.
The fingers moved slowly back out and then in again as other fingers
massaged his anal sphincter, and all the while Mulder was screaming.

When Mulder thought that he couldn't possibly take anymore, the fingers
moved out once again, and were quickly replaced with the devils penis.
At that point, Mulder knew that there was no sanity left to salvage. No
hope of ever returning to the life he'd known. No hope of ever being the
somewhat confident man that he was before.

And he was silent. No tears poured forth. No cries for help. No pleas
for absolution. Nothing but the sound of flesh hitting flesh as he was
pummeled from behind. Nothing but the heavy breathing of the devil as he
climbed towards his own orgasm and released himself into Mulder. Mulder
felt himself being rocked back and forth as the devil's orgasm ripped
through his own body. He felt the devil withdraw and wipe himself off.
He felt the shackles and his legs released from bondage. And as he sank
back down into the blessed darkness, he felt nothing.

***************************************************************************************************************************************


End of part 2.

To be continued in Part 3

***************************************************************************************************************************************


*_Ties That Bind_*Part 3 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman

Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: April 20, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money.
All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created
out of my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow
force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

***************************************************************************************************************************************


Dana Scully's Apartment

Annapolis, Maryland

March 4, 1999

2:30am

Nothing. Two days and they hadn't found anything that would tell them
where Mulder had been taken.

The forensic team hadn't found anything out except what her instincts
had already told her. That the blood on the brick wall and on his cell
phone had in fact been his own. They combed the streets day and night
without turning up any leads. No hair or fiber samples, no fingerprints
and no DNA. Everything that was found at the scene belonged to Mulder,
and Scully just didn't know what to do anymore. She had been running on
pure steam for the past 2 days, and she had been ordered to go home by
AD Skinner at about midnight. Two and a half hours of doing nothing. No
one was looking for him. No one cared that one of their agents had
fallen and no one was helping him to get back up again. No one except
she seemed to care.

But in her mind she knew that that wasn't true. In her mind she knew
that there was just nothing left that she or anyone else could do. There
were no ransom notes, and there were no calls. There was just absolutely
nothing; and that was what frightened her the most. That the kidnapper
who had taken agent Mulder either didn't want, or expect anything from
his return showed that the only thing the person wanted, was Mulder.
Whether he had been the intended target or not, it didn't matter. Time
was everything now, and with no leads, they were locked in a room with
out any doors. Scully had never in all her life felt so lost.

With that last thought, eyes brimming with tears, Scully fell into a
fitful sleep; and dreamed.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Scully was in the woods; but that was all that she could discern when
she looked around her. Trees and still more trees stretched on for miles
in all directions, and there was no end in sight. Scully decided on a
direction and started walking. She noticed soon thereafter that it was
night, and It seemed that there was a path lit in front of her from the
light of the full moon. She followed the path, not knowing where it
would take her, but knowing that she had to take it where it led. Off in
the distance she noticed a small building that didn't look like it
belonged where it stood. As she got closer she saw that it was
constructed out of cinder block in approximately a 30 foot square and it
rose about 14 feet in the air. She slowly walked around the building to
the rear where she noticed a Window with bars and continuing around to
the front, nothing else. Not another window, and oddly enough no door.
She walked up closer to inspect the structure and feeling her way she
began to move around the building once more. When she got around to the
side with the window again, she noticed that there was a crack in the
cinders, roughly even with her bust line, and so she stooped just
slightly to get a better look. Suddenly she heard a noise coming up from
behind her and so she darted around a tree so as to be hidden, and still
be able to see the figure that was approaching.

From Scully's vantage point, she got a clear view of the man that was
walking up to the structure. He was about 5'11" tall, with dark blond
hair, and a strong, lean physic. She didn't know who this person was,
but she was instantly wary of him and so she remained hidden.

The figure bent down in front of the wall were Scully had been just
moments ago and lifted a string off of the ground that she herself had
not noticed was there. Pulling on the string, the bottom of the wall
gave way and in slipped the man while the door quietly closed behind him.

An hour passed and nothing happened. No noise came from the structure,
and no one came in or went out.

As Scully was about to give up and walk towards the cinders, the door
opened up again and out came the man from before. He had a gleam in his
eyes that had not been there before, and he walked off humming a tune
that she didn't recognize, and didn't care to.

When she felt that the man was out of earshot, Scully ran up to the wall
to look for the string that would let her inside the building. Her heart
was racing and she knew that it was important that she get inside to see
what was there. Finally locating the string, Scully pulled for what
seemed like forever, and it finally started to lift upwards to allow for
her entrance. Bending just slightly, she walked through and let her eyes
adjust to the sudden darkness. It was just a moment before Scully was
comfortable enough to take stock of her surroundings. There was clothing
strewn about the plain dirt floor, and nothing else. She was completely
puzzled as to why someone would spend an hour in here to do absolutely
nothing. And then her eyes adjusted farther, and she saw. Huddled in the
far corner laying in a fetal position was Mulder. As she slowly crept
forward, she almost cried out in pain as she saw the condition he was
in, but she smelled him long before she got to him. He smelled of bile
and vomit, and he didn't look much better. He was bruised and battered
over every inch of his body and he was just laying there, unmoving
except for the small shudders that coursed through him.

Tears were streaming down her face as she leaned over him. His eyes were
open, but they were unseeing. She touched him but he did not move. Just
shook and stared at what she didn't know. She sat down before him and
slowly pulled him into her lap, rocking back and forth. She stroked his
hair and laid her head upon his and just rocked him back and forth
murmuring his name over and over again. She told him that she was there.
Scully was there and she wasn't ever going to let go. He was safe. Over
and over again.

"Shhhhh." She whispered. "I've got you Mulder. I'm not going anywhere.
You're safe with me. You're sa..." Scully stopped speaking as she thought
she heard something.

"Scully………" Mulder whispered almost inaudibly. "Scully…….." he said
again, even softer.

"Mulder? I'm here Mulder, right here." She said still rocking him. She
tried to look into his eyes, but nothing had changed. There was no
recognition behind his them. He just stared as before, seeing nothing.

"Scully...." All the while she kept rocking him. And he still kept calling
her.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Scully sat up in bed. She knew that she'd been crying because her pillow
was still wet, as were her cheeks.

She sat there for a few minutes just staring off into space trying to
figure out what had just happened. She knew that it hadn't just been a
dream. Every bone in her body was telling her that she'd been with
Mulder just a few moments ago. She looked at her clock and noticed that
it was now 4:00 in the morning. An hour and a half had passed, as it had
in her dream. She was now as certain as she'd ever been that time was
short, and if they didn't find Mulder now, they wouldn’t find him at all.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Mulder was floating above his body. He was looking down on himself as
the man came in and raped him once more and then left. It was ok though.
He didn't feel it. He was in a place where nothing could hurt him
anymore. And then he felt it. Scully was with him. He couldn't see her,
but he could feel her, and he could hear her. She was rocking him and
telling him that he was ok now. That he would be safe with her, and that
she'd never leave. He tried to reach out to her. To call her name. To
tell her that he was there and that he couldn't see her. She couldn't
hear him, but she was there. And he knew he had to get back.

**************************************************************************************************************************

4:00am

Mulder was lying on the floor in a fetal position when he woke up. He
didn't know what day or what time it was, but he felt warm. For the
first time in a while he felt warm and he knew that Scully had been with
him.

He reached over to the side and under a piece of clothing where it lay
hidden. The devil had left his instrument at one point, and now it was
Mulder's. He turned it over in his hands and looked at it, and he saw it.

Slowly, he put the knife back in its hiding place, and waited.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Dana Scully's Apartment

Annapolis, Maryland

6:40am

Scully had tried uselessly to fall back to sleep after she'd woken up
from her "visit" with Mulder, but sleep would not find her. She had
hoped that in falling asleep, maybe she'd be able to once more make that
connection if only to find out where he was. But as she tossed and
turned, the only thing she managed to do was cry. Cry for the pain that
she knew Mulder to be suffering from. She knew what horrors he'd
suffered. She knew them as if they'd been done to her, and she almost
felt as if they had. Whatever happened to him happened to her. It's the
way it had always been with the two of them, and it would always be that
way.

She was aware of the fact that she loved him. She'd known it for a long
time though there never seemed to be the right moment to say it.
Especially if she didn't feel that it would be returned. But with the
dream came the realization renewed, that life was short; and she made a
vow at that moment to God, and to Mulder that when she saw him again,
she'd tell him and make him understand that she meant it. With all of
her heart, now and forever.

She picked up the phone and dialed the FBI switchboard, asking to be
patched through to Assistant Director Skinner. She wasn't sure what she
was going to say to him yet, but she had to make it clear that time was
of the utmost importance. Although she knew that the dream was real, she
couldn't very well declare to the AD of the FBI that she had received a
vision and thus knew of a way to find Mulder. He'd have her sent for a
psychiatric evaluation sooner then you could say the aliens have landed.
Either that or he'd think that she'd spent too much time with Mulder.

Instead, when she was connected to the AD, she said that she couldn't
just sit back and do nothing. She had to find Mulder and if no one was
going to help her, she'd look by herself. Knowing Skinner as she did,
she knew that even if he couldn't call anyone off of their present
duties to go look for what amounted to a needle in a haystack, he would
at least help her look himself, and that gave her a little more hope.

Skinner asked her if she had any idea where they might start to look,
and she suggested any wooded areas around Alexandria, which was where
he'd been taken from. After agreeing to meet in two hours in his office,
Scully hung up and decided to look over a map of the Alexandria area to
get a better idea of where to start.

Scully was aware of 3 parks within Alexandria but they weren't wooded
areas. They were along the river, and she knew that there hadn't been a
river in her dream. Of course, the woods didn't have to be literal, but
figurative. She didn't know of any woods within Alexandria. But she was
certain that Mulder was still close, and so she kept the search within
that area.

Scully was now carefully scanning the map of Alexandria. There was the
Potomac View, Founders Park, and Oronoco Bay Park. And then there was
the cemetery. It was the only grassy area that was away from the water.
It had more trees then any of the parks, but it also had more people,
sadly on a day to day basis. She supposed that there could be a cruel
irony in the idea of the living among the dead, the same way the
building in her dream was surrounded by life. Mulder lying helpless and
dying amongst all the life of the trees that surround him. Maybe the
trees were a metaphor for people. She tried to focus on another area of
the map, seeing if their was possibly another part of Alexandria that
Mulder could be, but her focus kept being brought back to the cemetery,
and she knew that even if it turned up nothing, she had to try.

At 7:45, map in hand, she headed for the office.

**************************************************************************************************************************

  Alexandria National Cemetery

9:00am

Mulder was waiting. He had felt the chill in the air leave as the sun
rose in the sky signaling daybreak. Just sitting and waiting not making
a sound. He was torn between the feelings of wanting to take the knife
and end it here and now, or whether to wait and attack, giving him the
chance to escape before the devil took him.

If Scully had not come to him earlier that morning, the choice might
have been easier. But he had her warmth surrounding him now. Protecting
him and making him feel loved. He knew she was looking for him. He
couldn't let her down by giving up. She hadn't given up on him, so he
couldn't give up on himself. He was still struggling to keep the wolves
at bay. To keep the night from swallowing him up in darkness. If she had
not come, perhaps he would still be floating, somewhere between
awareness and death, but now he had a purpose. He had a way out.

Mulder heard the door start to give way, and he quickly and silently
grabbed the knife and made his way over to the corner of that wall so as
to surprise the devil on his way in. The hunter was now the hunted.

**************************************************************************************************************************

9:30am

FBI headquarters

Office of the Assistant Director

"Scully, are you sure you want to check the cemetery?" Skinner asked.

"I think it's as good a place to start as any sir."

"It's a rather large cemetery agent. Are you sure you don't want to wait
until we can assign more agents to assist?"

"Honestly sir, I really don't think that we have the time to wait for
more manpower, and as I said on the phone, I will go it alone if I have
to....sir." Scully said, looking Skinner directly in the eyes.

"Then what are we waiting for agent. Let's move."

**************************************************************************************************************************

Mulder crouched in the corner, ready to attack. He was sore all over,
and it hurt to move. He was in so much pain, he doubted he'd be able to
make it far if.....once he got away. He knew he had at least two fractured
ribs, a slight concussion, and a bruised everything else. Not to mention
the sprained ankle he'd given himself. He just prayed he'd be able to
hold his own against the devil.

The devil was just about all the way through the door when Mulder jumped
on him and rammed the handle of the knife into the back of his head.
Mulder being week though and the knife not being very heavy only had the
effect of stunning him and before Mulder could get through the door he
found himself thrown up against the wall. The knife went spiraling out
of his hand as he fought to stay conscious. As he saw the devil coming
at him, he threw his knee up which connected with the devil's crotch and
he fell screaming to the floor. Mulder dove for the knife, and managed
to get it in his hands. His back was facing the devil as he lunged at
Mulder again and as Mulder turned, he swung the hand with the knife
around and sliced him full across both of his upper thighs and his groin.

Mulder dropped the knife as the devil fell and made his way out into the
harsh light of day.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Alexandria National Cemetery

10:00am

Scully and Skinner made the short drive to the cemetery in relative
silence; Scully not wanting to voice her concerns on in what condition
she knew they'd find Mulder, and Skinner not wanting to voice his
opinions on if they would find him. Before they knew it, they were there
and parked the car on the east border of the cemetery.

"Well agent, where do you want to start our search?" The AD asked

Scully made a cursory examination of the grounds, looking for an area
that resembled that which she saw in her dream, and couldn't see
anything remarkable or out of place. There weren't many trees around,
except in small individual clusters, so she couldn't imagine where the
building she'd seen Mulder in would be. She was thinking that maybe
she'd made a gross misjudgment when she turned and saw it.

There was a grey marble mausoleum towards the south side of the
cemetery. Behind it was another small clump of trees, and beyond that
still she could see stark white peeking out from behind one of the
trees. Scully made her way towards the structure with growing
anticipation and fear. Skinner just followed behind her in silence.

As Scully and Skinner got closer towards the building, making their way
around the left side of the mausoleum, Scully grew more and more
positive that it was the right place, and drawing her weapon, she broke
into a run.

"Agent Scully, what is it? Did you see something?" questioned the AD,
but he got no answer. Scully slowed her pace when she was on top of the
building and feeling her way as in her dream, she moved around to the
other side of the cinders. She saw the window with the bars, and she
felt the break in the cinders. Bending down, she felt for the string
that she knew would be there. As Skinner saw her start to pull and the
partition give, he stooped to help lift it all the way. Skinner paused
so that he could prop up the door with a log, and hunched over, guns
drawn, they made their way through. But Mulder wasn't there. What Scully
saw instead, was the man from her dream, lying passed out on the floor
in a pool of blood that was still seeping from his groin.

Scully and Skinner just looked at each other in stunned silence.

**************************************************************************************************************************

10:05am

Mulder had to squint at first when he stepped out into freedom. He
hadn't seen the sun in he didn't know how long, and it took his eyes a
while to adjust. The sun felt good on his tortured body. He was mentally
and physically exhausted, but he didn't know how badly he'd actually cut
the devil, so he kept on walking. He didn't know how but he had to get
to Scully.

Suddenly Mulder recognized where he was, and he realized that if he
hadn't gotten out when he did, he probably wouldn't have gotten out at
all. Alive, at any rate.

It was getting more and more difficult to move, and he didn't know what
to do. All he wanted was to lie down and go to sleep, and maybe never
wake up again. He didn't know if he could face what had happed to him
for the rest of his life. Go through the terror filled nights as he woke
up from the nightmares he knew would come. The horror of seeing the
awareness in Scully's eyes at what he'd gone through and her blaming
herself for not getting there in time to prevent any of it, and the ever
present shame of getting aroused from it. The fear that some part of him
had liked it. He didn't want to live that life. He wished he hadn't
dropped the knife.

Mulder was growing more and more tired with every step, and he knew he
wouldn't make it to Scully. He was making his way around the left side
of the mausoleum when he caught his foot under the trunk of a tree and
went crashing to the ground.

Everything went black.

**************************************************************************************************************************

10:20am

Scully and Skinner left the building not knowing where to go next. It
had been the right place, and the right abductor, but Mulder was no
where to be seen. They knew he'd been there, because when they were
looking around, they found his suit, (minus the jacket which had been
recovered from his car), along with a whole mess of other peoples clothing.

"Sir," started Scully, Where could he have gone?"

"I don't know Scully. In the condition he's likely to be in, I don't
think he could have gotten far, and from the condition of the man
inside, it couldn't have been too long ago."

After finding the man and the state he was in, Skinner had called in
need for back up and an ambulance. They were just heading out to the
front of the mausoleum to wait for the team when Scully noticed the
unmoving body of a naked man to the left of the marble structure. Scully
stopped dead in her tacks and nearly screamed. She shouted to her boss
to stop and dropping her gun she ran over to the figure lying in the
grass. She quickly knelt down beside him, and covering him with her
trench coat, she pulled him into her lap as she had the night before.

It was Mulder.

Skinner meanwhile, called for another ambulance.

 

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


10:30am

It seemed like it was taking forever for the ambulance to arrive. Scully
was still sitting on the ground with Mulder, rocking him back and forth
as she had in her dream. But this time it was different. She was really
there, and Mulder was even less responsive then he had been, which
wasn't saying much, but it still had her extremely worried. He was
slightly shivering as before, though he had broken out into a sweat, and
had a palled coloring to his face. His pulse was terrifyingly slow, and
his breath was shallow. To make matters worse, he had a high-grade fever
that Scully guessed to be at about 102 degrees. Mulder was in shock, and
the slight concussion that she could tell he had wasn't helping anything
either.

"Where the hell is that damn ambulance?" Scully muttered to no one.

As Scully worried her bottom lip between her teeth, she continued to
rock Mulder back and forth. She smoothed his hair off of his forehead
and laid her cheek down on top of him, whispering to him that he would
be all right. That she'd take care of him and not let anything happen.
He was still unresponsive and she could feel him slipping away.

"Come on Mulder," she spoke softly. Stay with me. Hold on just a little
longer. For me Mulder, please hold on." Two lonely tears slipped out
from under her closed eyelids.

And then came the sound of the sirens off in the distance.

**************************************************************************************************************************

The ambulances finally arrived, and as they pulled up, Skinner directed
them over to the cider building to help them take care of the other man,
while Scully stayed with Mulder. She quickly relayed Mulder's current
condition and what had happened to him. She watched while he was loaded
onto the stretcher and strapped in, then lifted into the waiting
ambulance. When he was safely inside, she told the EMT's to wait for
five minutes while she went to talk to Skinner. As she walked off, the
EMT's quickly started a Saline IV drip, and administered 10cc's of
Epinephrine to increase his heart rate. They checked his temperature,
which was found to be at 102.5 and injected him with 400 mg of Ibuprofen.

"Um, Sir..." Scully began.

"Don't worry agent Scully. Go with Agent Mulder to the Hospital. I'll
follow behind the other ambulance and meet you there."

"Thank you sir." Scully replied, and strode off to rejoin Mulder so that
they could be on their way.

Scully hopped into the waiting ambulance and as the EMT closed the
doors. She sat down next to Mulder, taking his hand and soon they were
off, sirens blaring.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Georgetown Medical Center

11:00am

Skinner had gotten to the hospital all of five minutes after Mulder's
ambulance, and he soon met up with Scully.

"Agent Scully, have you heard anything yet?"

"No sir, we just got here. He's been taken into the examination room and
then x-rays in order to determine the extent of his injuries."

But Scully already knew what his injuries were. She just couldn't say it
to Skinner, though she knew he probably suspected as much. Mulder had
been raped, beaten, and mentally tortured, and she couldn't seem to get
the word rape past the lump in her throat. If she did, she knew she'd
probably start screaming and wouldn't be able to stop.

Instead, she sought to focus on the hope that aside from the Rape,
Mulder might actually be physically o.k. In addition to the sprained
ankle they discovered in the ambulance, she suspected bruised bones,
maybe 2 broken ribs and a concussion, but aside from that....aside from
that Mulder would never be the same. He would have nightmares for months
and probably wake up screaming. He'd be afraid of everyone he comes in
contact with, especially men, and he'd most likely be suicidal, but hey.
Everything was just peachy.

Scully stifled a hysterical laugh, and Skinner looked at her. She
continued to look at her shoes.

Scully looked up as she noticed a doctor walking towards them.

"Agent Scully, Assistant Director Skinner, My name is Dr. Wiessman.
We've just finished looking over Agent Mulder, and other then the
injuries noted before, we didn't really find anything to be worried
about. There were two broken ribs as hypothesized which has been set
along with his right ankle, as well as the bruises which should heal on
their own just fine. There was some bleeding due to some tearing along
the inner walls of the rectum, which has been stitched up accordingly.
His prostate was slightly bruised as well, which is consistent with the
account of the rape but there is nothing to worry about there either,
and all of his internal organs seem to be functioning normally. We are
slightly concerned with the fever, which is holding steady at 102
degrees, but we suspect that it'll come down soon and his heart rate
seems to be back up to normal. He hasn't yet regained consciousness, and
if he doesn't by morning I would be concerned but we'll have to wait on
that. Otherwise everything seems fine. We did find traces of semen not
matching his own. We are having them tested for STD's as well as DNA
typing. We are checking Agent Mulder for STD's as well. We should know
shortly. He's stabilized right now and we have him in a private room.
Agent Scully, I know you have a medical degree, are there any questions
that I can answer for you?"

"Can we see him?"

" I don't see why not. He's in room 232."

"Thank you doctor." With that, Scully quickly rode the elevator up to
the second floor and soon she was sitting beside Mulder. She took his
hand in both of hers and let the tears flow.

 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Georgetown Medical Center

7:33pm

Scully couldn't remember ever crying as much as she had in the past 2
and a half days. It seemed like so much longer then that, with the
constant worrying, and the nonstop working towards trying to find
Mulder. She didn't realize how bone tired she really was until she had
fallen asleep clutching Mulder's still hand at around 2:30. She had
woken up with a start, realizing that she hadn't contacted his mother,
or her own. She quietly left the room to make the phone calls that she
dreaded making, but she knew that his mother had to be informed, and she
needed her mother there for the emotional support. She had always
considered herself to be a strong woman. At times, she even felt
infallible, but at that moment she couldn't hold onto the charade, and
so she had picked up the phone and dialed the numbers, almost numbly.
She knew her mother would want to be there. She considered Mulder
family, and wouldn't want to be kept in the dark about something such as
this. Maggie was shocked and horrified by what Scully had told her in
the brief conversation, and hanging up, said she'd be over immediately.
Next, she made the phone call that she least wanted to make. Tina Mulder
picked up on the third ring, and after hearing what had happened,
started to cry. The only words she had been able to utter at first were
"My poor baby." Scully told her that she felt that he would make a
complete physical recovery relatively quick. Mrs. Mulder had informed
her that she couldn't make it to the hospital to see Mulder, because her
health hadn't been to good lately and the doctors didn't want her
travel. As Scully hung up the phone, she had promised to keep her
apprised of the situation as things progressed.

Now Scully was in the chair again, still holding Mulder's hand, as her
mother sat next to her in a chair borrowed from another room. Skinner
had gone to the office to right a report on the situation, as well as to
assign two security guards to the hospital room of the perpetrator, as
well as two agents to guard agent Mulder.

"Dana honey, you should eat something. I doubt you've eaten anything in
days." Spoke Mrs. Scully.

"I'm not hungry mom. Besides, I need to be here in case Mulder wakes up.
I don't want him to be alone."

"He's not alone, Dana, I'm here. I can wait here while you eat
something. Maybe go home for a change of cloths."

She did feel kind of ripe. She hadn't showered in days, much less eaten,
and she really would love a change of cloths. Still, she couldn't bear
to leave his side. She had promised him that she wouldn't leave him, and
she intended to keep her promise.

"I promised I wouldn't leave him." She whispered.

"When honey, when did you promise Fox that?"

"When we found him. I told him that I wouldn't leave him. I said that
I'd take care of him.

"Dana, you need to take care of yourself too."

"I know mom. I just can't leave him right now."

"Dana honey, look at me." The whole time Scully and Maggie had been
talking, she'd never once looked up at her mom, but she did now, and her
mom had asked, and her mom saw the glint of fresh tears in her eyes.

"Would you like me to go pick up some cloths for you? I could also bring
something for you to eat. Maybe a sandwich and juice?" Her mom said with
kind eyes.

"Oh mom, what if he doesn't wake up? I mean, physically he should be
awake. His concussion is gone, his heart rate and brain functioning is
fine, he should be awake. What if he chooses not to come back."

"Dana, you mustn't think like that. Fox will be fine. He just needs to
find his way back, and he will. Just give him some time honey, you'll
see. He'll come back to you."

Dana released Mulder's hand briefly so she could hug her mother.

"I love you mom."

"I love you too sweetie. Now, would you like me to pick up those things
for you?"

"Please?"

"I'll be back shortly." She said smiling, and Scully and Mulder were
left alone together again.

**************************************************************************************************************************

 2:02am

She didn't know what to do with herself. She thought that maybe she
might go insane if Mulder didn't wake up soon. She had fallen asleep
again sometime around 11 when she was woken by a nurse asking if she
wanted a second bed brought in. Since it was a private room, it would be
allowed and it would be easier and more comfortable for her to sleep
that way. She agreed, even though it meant that she'd have to release
Mulder's hand. That cot just looked so inviting, and so she lie down in
it and facing Mulder quickly fell asleep. For the first time in days,
she slept soundly. She didn't even wake when her mom, tip-toeing in at
around 4:00am, sat down in the chair Scully once occupied to watch her
sleeping babies.

**************************************************************************************************************************

11:01am

Scully had woken up at around 10:30 to see her mom sitting in the chair
next to Mulder's bed, asleep. She smiled to herself and getting up
silently made her way over to cover her with a blanket. She knew that
she too was concerned for the man that she considered her adopted son,
and she wondered how late her mom had stayed up worrying about him, as
well as her. She had just started walking away after kissing her mother
on the forehead when she heard her mom speak.

"Dana honey?"

"I'm just going to the bathroom mom. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, it's alright. Any change from Fox?"

"I don't think so. I've just woken up myself. It looks as if everything
is the same," she said sadly.

Scully quickly went to the restroom, and opening the door, saw that her
mother had moved over to once again sit in the other chair. Smiling her
thanks, Scully sat down again to continue her silent vigil.

**************************************************************************************************************************

11:19am

She was praying. The last time she had really prayed like this was when
Emily was sick. It was the only other time she had felt as lost as she
did right then. She finished her prayers, and quietly took Mulder's hand
in hers once again.

"Mulder, please, if you can hear me please listen. I know that where you
are right now feels safe. You're where no one can hurt you, and I know
that you want to stay there, but you have to come home now. Please
Mulder. Please come back to me." With the next remark, she leaned in
closer to his ear and whispered, "Hey...and if you come back, maybe I'll
finally become that spokesperson for the AB-roller, like I'd said I had
years ago."

"You know, I think I'd actually pay to see that?"

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************


End of Part 3

Continued in Part 4

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************


*_Ties That Bind_ *Part 4 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman

 

Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: April 23, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money.
All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created
out of my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow
force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************


Georgetown Medical Center

11:21am

Scully started, now fully awake. When she'd sat down, she hadn't even
noticed that he'd turned his head, which was now facing the window.
Mulder had said it so softly that she didn't think he'd actually spoken.
She looked up as he turned away from the window, and with a sad smile
said "hey."

"Mulder..." Scully said breathlessly, as she jumped up to hug him.

"Oooh, you smell a bit ripe, he said, teasingly."

She pulled back to get a good look at him, and almost swatted him.

"Remind me to return the sentiment someday." She said sarcastically.

"Hi Mrs. Scully," he said shyly.

"Hello Fox, how are you feeling."

"Ok I guess," he said shrugging his shoulders.

"Why don't I step out and let you two talk?" Maggie said as she stood up
and walked out, closing the door behind her.

  Mulder looked around suddenly noticing his new surroundings. Well, not
so new. He'd been there many times in the past, but for the life of him,
he couldn't remember how he'd gotten there this time, though he
certainly knew /why/**he was there.

"Um, Scully, how'd I get here." Mulder asked.

"Skinner and I found you at the cemetery. You'd passed out trying to
escape your attacker." She wasn't about to say rapist, because she
couldn't bring herself to, and because she wasn't about to mention it to
Mulder if he wasn't ready to confront it. She didn't want to embarrass
/him/.

"Yeah he said with a sigh, I kinda figured that, but how did you /find/
me? Did he leave any clues behind, did he ask for a ransom? He figured
out I was FBI when he took my wallet. I don't think he knew that before
he took me."

"No, he didn't ask for a ransom. We never heard from him. The only clue
left behind was your car that we found at the bar, and your cell phone
that had your blood on it a few blocks away, as well as some of your
blood on the wall, but we didn't find anything else."

"Then how did you find me?" He asked confused.

Scully didn't know what to say. How could she answer that question, when
she didn't quite know herself what had led her to him, and what exactly
caused her to have that dream. She knew that when he was hurt, she felt
it to, and the same was true with Mulder, but the dream went farther
then that. She was there. She had actually been there with him, and that
scared her, because she didn't know how to explain it. This was Mulder's
area of expertise, and the feeling of not being able to explain it,
although nothing new to her, still left her feeling unsettled. She
supposed she should just tell him. After all, he'd probably believer
her, though be shocked that she'd actually admit to having a...whatever it
was that she had.

"Scully? How'd you find me?" he asked again, getting a little worried at
the strained look on her face.

"I don't actually know Mulder. I just knew."

"What do you mean you just knew?"

"I..."she started, faltering. "I kind of had a dream."

"What kind of dream," he asked getting even more nervous. Scully was
acting really strange, and he could tell that she was embarrassed about
something, but he didn't know what. He knew she knew what had been done
to him. He didn't yet know the extent of the physical damage, but it
couldn't be that bad if all that he was hooked up to was and EEG, and an
EKG. "Scully?" He asked again, when she didn't answer right away.

"I, uh, I kind of dreamed that I was there with you. No, I /was/ there
with you Mulder," she said looking up. I was walking in the woods, and I
came upon a building and I knew instantly that there was something
wrong. There was a man and he went inside. He was in there for a really
long time, and then when he came out, I went in and there you were."
Scully stopped for a moment to calm herself, and started again in a
hushed voice. "You were just lying in the corner in a ball. You weren't
moving, Mulder, except for some slight shivering, and I was so scared.
Your eyes were open, but they weren't looking at anything. Just staring,
and so I sat down and I took you in my arms and started rocking you,
trying to comfort you. To get you to wake up but you just lay there
shivering and staring. I think you called my name once or twice, but it
wasn't in recognition of the fact that I was there. You were looking for
me and I tried to tell you that I was there but you didn't know. I
tried..." Scully trailed off, as she started to cry, and she put her face
in her hands.

Mulder was just staring at her. He couldn't believe what she'd said.
She'd actually been there. He had heard her voice, but he couldn't get
to her. He had thought that it had been part of his delirium, but she
had actually been there. With him. She'd actually found away to bridge
the dreamscape and reach out to him. He was absolutely dumbstruck. Not
so much by the fact that it happened, but that she admitted it.

"Scully? Scully, look at me."

Scully slowly looked up, trying to quickly dry her eyes. She didn't want
to cry in front of him. She was supposed to be strong for /him/.

"Scully. I felt you. I heard you calling my name, but I couldn't get to
you. I was in such a cold place, but then I felt this incredible warmth
all around me, and I heard you calling my name and trying to comfort me,
but I couldn't reach out to you. I tried to call your name, but I
couldn't get back to myself. I was kind of hovering somewhere above. I
had shut myself off so completely, but then I somehow found the strength
and I got back. That's when I was able to get the knife and get away,
but then...I was so weak, I tripped on a tree trunk, and that's the last I
remember."

Now it was Scully's turn to be shocked. "You heard me?" she said surprised.

Mulder just nodded his head, and took her hand in his. "I heard your
voice and felt your warmth, a I knew that I had to get back to you. I
had been so far gone Scully. When I first discovered he'd left his knife
behind, it took all my strength not to use It on myself. After...after
what he'd done." He finished, looking down. "But then you came, and you
saved me. You gave me the strength to try and save myself."

He looked up and saw her smiling down on him. It was the most beautiful
thing he'd ever seen.

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Georgetown Medical Center

11:30am

Mulder and Scully looked up as they heard a polite knock at the door.

"Mr. Mulder, I see you've finally decided to join us?" Dr. Wiessman asked

"Hello Dr. Wiessman," Scully said smiling. "He just woke up a few
minutes ago."

Scully turned to look at Mulder, and was horrified by what she saw. He
was shaking all over, eyes wide and scared, just staring at the doctor.
She knew that this would be coming, in fact she had been surprised that
Mulder had been acting relatively calm since he'd woken up. But then
again, she was a woman, and he trusted her. The doctor was a man, whom
he'd never seen before. And he was absolutely terrified. She looked down
at their hands, which were still interwoven, and realized for the first
time just how tight his grip had become. She could also hear the
distress he was in from the EKG, as his heart rate increased.

"Mulder...this is your doctor, Dr. Wiessman."

Mulder just continued to shake and stare.

"Mr. Mulder, I understand how you must be feeling right now, but I'm not
going to hurt you. I'm just here to see how you are doing this morning.
Do a standard physical, and explain to you the extent of your injuries
as well as to see how they are doing. I promise that I will not hurt
you. The man that hurt you is not here, and I assure you that he will
not hurt you anymore.

"Can...can Scully stay here during the exam?" Mulder asked shakily.

"Of course, if you want her to."

"Scully?" Mulder looked at her with pleading eyes.

"Mulder, you know I'll stay. Of course, if you ever want me to be able
to shoot a gun again, you're going to have to loosen up on that grip of
yours." She said smiling, and trying not to grimace at the pain.

Mulder looked down at their hands. "Oh. Sorry Scully," he said, and
quickly released her hand so that she could flex it.

Scully looked over at the heart monitor again and noticed, thankfully,
that his heart rate had dropped. It was still a little high, but at
least it wasn't racing as it had been.

"Now, Mr. Mulder, how are you feeling?"

"A little stiff. My ribs and my ankle hurt, umm...my, uh, my rectum
hurts," He said almost inaudibly. "And this catheter isn't to
comfortable either." He added with a slight smirk.

"Well, we had to insert that. You're a little weak to be going to the
bathroom on your own right now. That'll have to be in for a while I'm
afraid. Until you're ready to be released, and you can make a bowl
movement on your own, that is. As for the other discomforts, you
suffered few injuries, but they were nice ones. You have two broken ribs
which have been set, and a sprained ankle, as well as bruising in other
places which should heal on their own. There was also some tearing on
the inside of your rectum, which we went in and stitched up. The sutures
will be checked in about a week to see if they're ready to come out.
That's really about the extent of the injuries. I'm going to do a quick
physical now, is that alright?"

Mulder just nodded his head as he took a hold of Scully's hand again,
though with a much looser grip.

A short while later the doctor was finished, and Mulder breathed a sigh
of relief.

"Alright, everything looks to be coming along nicely. If all goes well,
you should be out of here in about 10 days. How does that sound."

"OK, I guess," Mulder whispered.

"Good. Well then, I guess that'll be all for now. Oh, one more thing Mr.
Mulder. The Police will have to take a statement on what happened. They
have been contacted as is regulation, and they would like to know when
you will be able to speak with them."

"I uh, um I don't...can this wait? Can we do this tomorrow, I'm kind of
tired." Mulder didn't want to do this. He just wanted it all to go away.
He didn't want to talk about it, because to talk about it would be to
make it real. He didn't want it to be real. He just wanted to go to
sleep and to wake up with it having been a terrible nightmare. He didn't
want to be as scared as he was right now. Scared that he would always be
nervous anytime he was around another man. And how would he ever be able
to face Skinner again. Skinner would think he was weak. That he could no
longer do his job. And to make matters worse, now he was absolutely
terrified of the man. Hell, he was terrified of everyone. Except Scully.
Scully was there with him when he needed her. She held him, and kept him
safe. She gave him her strength and made him strong enough to escape. He
was safe with her.

The doctor broke into his thoughts as he spoke again.

"Tomorrow then. Meanwhile, I'll be in later to check up on you."

"Fine." Mulder sighed.

When the doctor left, Scully looked into Mulder's eyes and asked the
silent question.

"I'm ok Scully. I'm just tired."

"Why don't you go to sleep Mulder. You need your rest. Things will look
better when you wake up later." She said with a sympathetic smile.

"Will you stay with me? Please?"

"I'll be here Mulder. Don't worry, now close your eyes," she said in
that same tone she'd used when he had woken up after almost drowning in
the Bermuda Triangle.

"Am I supposed to say there's no place like home?" He asked smiling and
remembering.

Scully smiled.

Mulder suddenly grew serious. "Because it would be a lie," he said.
Looking into her eyes, he said, "There's no place like here."

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


2:00pm

He'd been asleep for about an hour and a half now. She still couldn't
believe that he'd said it. He'd said it so softly that she could almost
make herself believe that she'd imagined it, but the look that she'd
seen in his eyes had proven otherwise. She didn't know what he'd meant
by it thought. She knew that he loved her. What that love was though,
she had no clue. Whether it was the love of a close friend or a
brotherly love, or something more.

They were both extremely good at hiding their feelings for the other. It
was something that they'd practiced for going on six years and it had
become an art form. She realized that there were times when Mulder
touched her for no other reason then to know that she was there. The
well placed hand at the small of her back to usher her through a door,
or the light tap on her arm to get her attention. She supposed that
those touches were some sign of the feelings he had for her, but it's
something that he'd done from the beginning so she never really paid any
attention to it other then a passing acknowledgement. Then there was the
ever-present flow of innuendoes, but that went both ways.

Of course, there was that moment in his hallway when they almost kissed.
She never really knew where that would have gone if circumstances hadn't
sought to stop it. And she didn't know if it was something that had been
coming for a long time, or whether it was a means of getting her to stay
in the FBI. They never talked about it again.

A voice said in her head what she'd been trying to avoid ever since
Mulder had said those words in the hospital after being recovered in
Bermuda. "Dana, he said that he loves you." And then a voice answered
back. "But he was drugged. He didn't mean it." Scully shook her head
trying to clear the voices. She just didn't know what to do. It seemed
that there was a lot that she didn't know lately, and it was making her
extremely tired. She looked over at her bed and thought that it looked
extremely inviting at this moment. She was about to get up and go over
to it when Mulder started thrashing around on the bed. Shit she thought,
he's having a nightmare.

He was flailing out with his arms and trying to kick with his legs. She
was afraid that he was going to hurt himself farther, so she carefully
got onto the bed with him and pulled him into her lap, rocking him back
and forth trying to calm him down so he wouldn't strain his ribs or hurt
his ankle farther.

**********************************************************************************************

****************************************************NC17*********************************************************

Oh God, Mulder thought. Not again. Mulder panicked as he heard the devil
outside beginning to open the door. He was coming for him again. He
couldn't take it. Not again. It's too much, he thought. Mulder crawled
into the far corner trying to get away, but he knew that it didn't
matter. He was coming.

The devil entered and grinned his evil grin, and started making his way
over to Mulder. Mulder tried to scream, but he couldn't get the sound
past his throat. The devil was coming.

He began to whimper as he was forced over to the chains again and tied
up as before. "Please. Please don't do this. Why?" He moaned.

"Because I like you my little fox. I haven't had a friend like you in so
long. I'm having fun, aren't you?" He laughed.

When the devil saw a tear streak down Mulder's face he frowned. "Aww, I
guess not. Well no matter. I'll have enough fun for the both of us."

The devil began to strip and then as before he positioned himself over
him and started caressing him. Up his back and under towards his chest,
rubbing his nipples. Kneading them, pinching them, making the arousal
build in him until he was crying from embarrassment and shame. Rubbing
his penis up against his anus, the head poking at the opening but not
entering. Not yet. Still rubbing, but moving farther down now towards
his own penis. Hands on his penis moving up and down, Thumb rolling over
the head, swirling the pre-cum over the head and shaft. Then the mouth
slipping, wet over the head, licking, lapping, moving all the way down
to the hilt and back up again. Coming full force in his mouth as the
orgasm ripped through him. He could feel the devil grinning as he
withdrew his penis, now limp and moved over to his rear.

"Oh God, please. Please..." Mulder trailed off.

And then the groan from the devil as Mulder was entered from behind. In,
out, in, out. Over and over again.

The orgasm as it once more began to build and the humiliation as he came
all over himself...again.

Crying.

He couldn't stop crying.

And then he was unchained and left alone for the short time before he
knew the devil would come again.

So alone. So cold.

And then he felt her arms encircle him. The gentle rocking and the
whispered words of comfort that somehow helped him feel better. Tears.
He felt tears on his shoulder.

**********************************************************************************************

She had been ok for most of the nightmare. She had been able to stave
off the tears during his murmuring. Until that is, that she heard him
say please. Please don't , and then she saw the tears slip from
underneath his closed eyelids. And she couldn't hold them in anymore.
She was still rocking him. Telling him that it would be all right and
that he was safe. But she knew that it was far from what he felt, and
she couldn’t fight it anymore. She remembered the vow she'd made to
herself when he'd still been missing, and she rocked him, waiting until
the nightmare subsided. When he was still again and the tears stopped
flowing, she leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"I love you, Mulder. I've always loved you. I'll never let anyone hurt
you again. I promise."

Mulder's eyes twitched and opened. He looked at Scully and murmured, "I
love you too, Scully."

Smiling, she leaned down and placed a small kiss on his mouth, still wet
with tears. She then placed two kisses on each of his eyelids. When she
looked down at him, he was asleep again. And she just smiled.

 *************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


March 10, 1999

7:10am

Mulder and Scully were sleeping in their hospital beds when they were
awoken by a commotion a few doors down, and then a loud bang. Scully
jumped out of bed, looking over at Mulder and motioned for him to lie
still as she crept up to the door to peek out.

"Scully, what's going on?" Mulder asked worriedly.

"I don't know." She whispered back, "hold on, I'll be right back," she
added as she slipped quietly out the door.

Mulder meanwhile lie in his bed frustrated that he couldn't get up to
see for himself what was going on.

When it took to long for Scully to return, Mulder decided to take a
chance and try to get out of bed. He needed to know what happened.
Somehow he knew that it was important. The catheter had been removed
just the other day, so he didn't have to worry about that, and he was no
longer hooked up to the EKG or the EEG. It was just a matter of balance.
He hadn't really been on his feet too much, and he was a bit shaky. And
his butt was still sore.

Mulder swore under his breath as he almost fell over, but he quickly got
a hold of himself and made the agonizing walk over to the door. He was
suddenly very happy that Sully had surprised him with his PJ's the other
day, so that he didn't have to worry about flashing all the nurses with
the standard issue hospital gown.

When Mulder finally stepped out into the hall, he saw that no one was
there. He could here voices coming from around the corner in the other
corridor, so he tentatively followed them and soon found that he wished
he'd stayed in bed. About 50 paces in front of him, in the middle of a
crowd of Doctors, nurses, and Scully, was his attacker. He was dead from
a bullet wound in the back that from the looks of it went straight
through his right lung.

Mulder felt his own lungs suddenly empty of air and he collapsed onto
his knees in the middle of the hallway. Just then, Scully took that
moment to turn around and saw Mulder on the ground, eyes wide and mouth
open in disbelief, and she guessed a little fear at having to see his
attacker again.

"Mulder!" Scully cried, and running knelt by his side. "What are you
/doing/?" She cried. "I told you to stay in bed."

Mulder just shook his head. He opened his mouth to say something, but
the words wouldn't come out.

"Mulder, come on, I'm getting you back to your room. Now!"

Mulder slowly rose to his feet with Scully's assistance, and she half
carried him back to his room and got him settled in bed. He lay there
for a while just staring at the ceiling. Finally after about 10 minutes
he spoke.

"He's dead?"

"It would appear so."

"What happened?" Mulder asked.

"It looks as if he tried to escape. For some reason there was only one
officer standing guard. He hit him over the head with the water glass
from his room but before he could get away, the other officer returned
and saw him trying to run in the other direction. He yelled for him to
stop, and when he didn't, he fired and you know the rest."

Scully looked at Mulder, but he just lay there; thinking.

"Scully?"

"Yeah Mulder?"

"Um, would you think badly of me if I said that I was glad that he was
dead?" Mulder asked quietly, head bowed.

"No Mulder. I don't think that anyone would, but I think the question is
would you feel badly of me if I said that /I /was glad?"

Mulder looked up in shock. Scully rarely spoke ill of anyone. Well,
that's not true. She wasn't exactly kind when speaking of Diana, and the
syndicate didn't count as people so...

"Scully...?"

"Mulder, when you were gone, it was like I'd lost a piece of myself. I
mean, you've been missing before, but It /never/ felt like It did this
time. I was so scared Mulder. I didn't know until the dream what had
happened to you, but I knew that it was far worse then anything that
we'd been through thus far and I was absolutely terrified. Mulder, I
felt what was happening to you as if it were happening to me and I
/never/ want /anyone/ to feel like that. Mulder, I'm glad he's dead, and
maybe that makes me a bad person, but now one less scumbag is on the
streets. Now he can never hurt anyone else again. And he can never hurt
you again."

"Scully, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, I..."

"Mulder, don't you dare apologize, you did /nothing/ wrong."

"But if I hadn't defended Diana again, we wouldn't have had that fight,
and I wouldn't have gotten drunk. I wouldn't have been in that area and
this never would have happened. It's all my fault. It's always my
fault." Mulder finished with a sigh.

"Mulder," Scully gasped walking over to him and taking his hand in hers.
"This is /not /your fault. You didn't ask for this to happen, and that
fight was not all your fault. I am as much to blame as you are with
that. I know you have a past with Diana, and that you trust her. If we
were ever separated and then brought together again, I would expect you
to still trust me the way you do now. As you do Diana. I can't fault you
for that, and I don't. But that doesn't matter right now. What matters
is for you to understand that none of this is your fault. No one
deserves to have this happen to them."

"But I didn't stop him." He whispered. "I let him touch me, and I...I
came..." he trailed off.

"Mulder, you /couldn't /stop him, and you didn't /let /him touch you. He
forced you, and you know perfectly well that you can't prevent the
physiological response to sexual stimulation. /No one can/."

"No." Mulder said, shaking his head. I should have stopped him."

"Mulder, you did stop him. You protected yourself when you could. You
got the knife and you got away. Don't you know how brave you are? Don't
you know what a wonderfully brave man you are?" Scully looked at him
pleadingly.

Mulder just looked at her, with the most sorrowful eyes she had ever seen.

"Oh Mulder," she whispered as she climbed into bed with him to hold him.
"You're such a wonderful person," Scully said as she wrapped her arms
around his frail body. "I wish you could see through my eyes just what a
truly beautiful person you are."

And she comforted him as his body was wracked with tears.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


March 12, 1999

2:45am

Mulder was finally going home today. She was as happy for herself as she
was for him, because that meant that she could go home too. She hadn't
slept at home since she'd found Mulder just 7 days earlier. Seven long,
agonizing days of sleeping on a cot in a hospital. But she wasn't sorry.
She'd learned so much about herself during that time. Mostly about how
much she loved Mulder. She had sent her mom home about a day after
Mulder had woken up. Mulder was fine, and she didn't need to be there.
She had stopped by frequently to see how he was doing though, and she
was happy that he was making such a speedy physical, if not mental
recovery; but the latter was to be expected.

Mulder was happy to be going home. Truth be told, he wasn't actually
going "home." He was going with Scully to her place. She didn't want him
to be at his apartment alone. She didn't want to give him the chance to
start wallowing, because she knew that he wouldn't be able to get
himself out of the depression. Not at this stage of the game, at least.
Although Scully didn't know it, Mulder didn't exactly want to go back to
his place either. Being with Scully for so long, he didn't want to be
alone again. Plus, he felt safer with her. She kept the demons at bay,
and she helped sooth the nightmares.

Scully was sitting by his bedside on her cot, just staring at him. She
couldn't get over how peaceful he looked when he was unaware of the
world around him. When all of the worries just slipped away and he could
just be. Without worrying about the conspiracies, and the bureau, and
his sister. Although she was pretty sure that his sister occupied every
sleeping moment as well as the ones when he was awake. She felt sorry
for him. Not for the man that he was, but for the child that he was
never able to be. You could still see that child poke his head out every
once in a while, like for instance when he was sleeping, and she took
those moments to wonder about the boy that he must have been, and the
man he had become. How did such a man come out of such a tragedy? And
how would he survive this latest one?

She fell asleep wondering about these things.

And was woken up by a gentle hand on her cheek.

Mulder had been staring at her for about an hour. He couldn't turn away.
She was so beautiful; even more so in sleep then when awake, which was a
puzzle that his mind couldn't piece together at this moment, because he
couldn't imagine anything more beautiful then Scully's eyes, and you
just couldn't see her eyes when she was sleeping.

But she looked so calm and peaceful when she was sleeping, and it was
rare that he got to see it and appreciate it. Now that their feelings
were out in the open, he had no fear of her finding him staring at her,
so he just kept staring. Starting at the soft flutter of her eyelashes
as she dreamed, moving down the graceful yet strong line of her nose,
her plum red lips that fell into a soft pout even in sleep. She was so
graceful and tender. The years of sorrow and pain slipping away as she
dreamed of better times. A time when her everyday worries weren't that
of government plots and conspiracies, and what mess he was getting
himself into.

He often felt that he was to blame for her misfortunes, and for her
having gotten the reputation of Mrs. Spooky due to working with him. And
he felt selfish because he just couldn't imagine his life without her
now. Although at times he wished that she'd go back into medicine and
salvage what was left of her career, he couldn't bring himself to let
her go. Because he would miss her. He would miss her, "Mulder, you're
crazy," and "Mulder, you're not trying to tell me that..." etc. etc. etc.

And he just couldn't stand it anymore. He had to touch her. Even if it
was just to lightly brush the stray piece of hair off of her cheek. He
had to touch her, and so he did.

"Mulder?"

"Hey. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"What are you doing out of bed? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, I just couldn't sleep anymore. I've spent too much time
sleeping lately."

"How's your ankle?"

"Good. It doesn't hurt anymore. You know Scully," he said sitting on the
side of his bed. "He...didn't sprain my ankle. I mean it wasn't anything
that /he/ did."

"What do you mean?" She said giving him "the eyebrow."

"I um, kinda tripped when I was drunk. I stumbled off of the sidewalk."
He finished with an impish grin.

"Lousy drunk."

"Hey! No making fun of the lame."

"Oh you're lame alright! She said smiling.

Mulder gave her the pout.

"Oh puleeze Mulder." She sighed, and then muttered under her breath..."two
can play at that game, " and she stood up and slowly bending down,
kissed him on his lower lip that jutted out ever so slightly. Just has
he began to deepen the kiss though, she pulled away and said, "uh uh
uh...you do want to leave the hospital today don't you?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" he asked, breathlessly.

"I'm afraid that if we continue much longer, you /really/ won't be able
to walk." And as she said that, she gave him the most seductive look
that she could, bent down, and kissed him so long and hard that it left
him gasping for air.

"Um, Scully?"

"Yeah."

"When do we get to leave?"

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


End Part 4

Continued in part 5

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


*_Ties That Bind_ *Part 5 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman

 

Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: April 29, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money.
All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created
out of my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow
force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************


Annapolis Maryland

Dana Scully's Apartment

March 12, 1999

5:00pm

They had made a brief stop at Mulder's apartment in Alexandria to pick
up a few items, and it wasn't long before they were finally at Scully's
apartment. Word's couldn't describe how he felt at that moment. To be
out of the hospital and not to have to go through those humiliating
tests to see if he was "functioning properly." To be poked and prodded
like a test subject. He had had enough of that in the past few weeks to
last a lifetime. Too bad he had to go back to the doctors for a
follow-up exam in a week. If he never saw the inside of another hospital
again, it would be too soon. Of course, that would be impossible,
considering he was and FBI agent who all to frequently took up residence
at the hospital, but that didn't mean that he had to like it. Especially
this time around, under these circumstances. He was finding it more and
more difficult to keep up the façade with Scully that he was handling
this just fine. He knew that he wasn't, and he knew that she probably
knew that he wasn't, but he couldn't allow himself to feel vulnerable.
He needed desperately to feel in control of himself again, but he just
wasn't there yet. He didn't know if he'd ever be again, and that scared
him more then anything in the world. He didn't want to think of the
possibility that he'd never be able to achieve field agent status again.
He might as well of let that man kill him. Bet yet, he'd do it himself.

Scully broke into his reverie and he realized that he was just standing
inside her doorway, staring at the carpet as if there was something
extremely interesting about it. He often slipped into these moods, where
he couldn't figure out what he was supposed to do. The task of walking
became more difficult then he could manage, and so he just stood there
and stared.

But he looked up when Scully called his name, and gave her a sheepish
smile that seemed to appear more and more often these days. Muttering a
"sorry," he closed the door and moved to take his things into the spare
bedroom.

Scully entered the room about five minutes later and found him sitting
on the edge of the bed, just staring off into space again. His suitcase
was sitting next to him unopened.

"Mulder?" She spoke softly. "Are you alright?"

"Huh?" he said slowly. "Oh, yeah I'm ok Scully. I guess I'm just tired.
Long day. I didn't expect there to be as many more tests as there were.
I think I'm going to skip dinner and just go to bed. I'm sorry for being
such trouble, I know you had a good meal planned." Mulder was still
looking at the floor.

"Mulder, you don't have to apologize for anything. We can celebrate your
homecoming tomorrow. You go ahead and go to sleep. Don't worry about a
thing." Scully walked over and lightly lifted his chin so that he was
looking at her, but he still had that faraway look in his eyes and she
knew that somewhere inside he was reliving what had happened to him. It
hurt her that she couldn't take away his pain. She placed a soft kiss on
the tip of his nose, and then another one on his forehead. When she
pulled away, his eyes were closed, and she could see a tear glistening
on his cheek. She opened his suitcase for him and pulled out his yellow
pajamas. She walked over to him and went to smooth his hair out of his
face, and was surprised when he jerked away. He seemed to come to his
senses quickly though, and giving her an apologetic look, took the
pajamas and headed to the bathroom to change.

Scully stood there watching his back as he left the room and with watery
eyes turned to turn down the bed.

When Mulder returned, he looked like he'd aged ten years. She reached
out her hand to help him into bed and he gently took her hand and
climbed under the covers. Mulder rolled over onto his right side facing
the window and curled into a ball. Scully didn't think she'd ever seen
anyone curl into such a tight ball before. She was about to leave the
room when she heard Mulder speak to her.

"Scully?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Could you, um, stay here for a while? Just until I fall asleep?"

"If you want me to. No problem."

"Thank you Scully."

"For what?"

"For being here for me. For caring and not treating me like I'm defective."

"Mulder, you are anything but defective. You are the strongest person I
know and you're going to get through this. Whatever you need, I'm here
for you. Don't be afraid to ask, and please don't be afraid to tell me
when you're upset about something. I can't help if you keep me in the dark.

But he couldn't tell her. He couldn't tell her what he was afraid of. He
didn't even know half the time. He knew that they were unfounded. That
"man" would never hurt him again. He was dead. Mulder knew that, but he
was still terrified. He couldn't tell her. So he pretended he was
already asleep.

"Mulder?"

When he didn’t answer, she sighed and sat back in the chair that she'd
placed next to his bed.

She prayed that his dreams would give him a reprieve, if just for one
night.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


10:13pm

Scully was awakened by a blood-curdling scream. At first she couldn't
imagine where it had come from but then she saw Mulder thrashing around
on the bed. He was trying to get away from his attacker, but it appeared
as if he couldn't move. He was lying on his back and his arms and legs
were still, but he was bucking at the waste. He was sobbing
uncontrollably. Scully immediately jumped up out of the chair and went
to try to calm him down. She didn't want to wake him for fear of scaring
him even farther, so she just climbed into the bed and lying down next
to him so that they were facing each other, gently pulled him into her.
She calmly stroked his tear-streaked face and placed a kiss on top of
his head, murmuring softly to him trying to lull him into peaceful
slumber. When she went to sweep his hair off of his forehead again he
jerked. She made it a point to ask him about it when he was feeling better.

As Scully continued to rub Mulder's back, he seemed to calm down and so
Scully loosened her grip on him. Mulder unconsciously snuggled closer
curling into a fetal position once more and buried his head in her
abdomen. It was if he was five years old, snuggling up to his mother
after being afraid of monsters under the bed. She half expected to see
him start sucking his thumb. But he just drew up closer to her and grew
quiet. And soon, Scully followed him into dreamless sleep.

*****************************************************************************************************

March 13, 1999

5:20am

When Mulder woke up he was more then a little confused. It took him a
while to remember that he was at Scully's place, which was fine, but
then he felt an extra person in bed with him and it made him more then a
little nervous. And he started to panic. Until he looked over and
noticed that it was Scully. Which made him confused all over again
because he knew that she hadn't been in bed with him when he went to
sleep. Not that he minded, he just wished that he knew how and why she
was there now. He was lying on his back and she was curled up along his
left side. He was startled at how natural and good it felt to have her
beside him in bed. Though he wished that it were under different
circumstances, although he really didn't know what those circumstances
were.

Scully stirred in her sleep and moved closer to Mulder. He closed his
eyes simply in order to feel her next to him. He didn't want it to end,
but he felt like he was taking advantage of Scully, so he quietly, so as
not to disturb her got up. After going to the bathroom he went into the
kitchen and started a pot of coffee.

When Scully woke up the coffee was almost ready. She rolled over in bed
to find it empty and sat up looking around the room. She smelled the
coffee, which at that moment was like a thin slice of heaven, and moved
to join Mulder in the kitchen...who was staring at the coffee as it
dripped from the filter into the pot. She moved over to him so that she
was just in his line of site and stared at him with the most amusing
look that she could muster before having her coffee. It did its job
nicely. He turned, startled and burst out laughing at the look on her
face. She walked up to him and snaked her arms around his waste. He bent
down and kissed her on the top of her head.

"Hey" She said.

"Hey yourself."

Mulder pulled back to look at her and gave her a quirky look.

"So... I woke up this morning and there was an extra person in my bed, not
that I mind, being it was you and all, but might I ask how you got
there? I /seem/ to remember that you were in a chair when I went to bed."

She looked down and spoke quietly. "You um, had a nightmare. You were
crying out and I got into bed to try to comfort you."

"Oh. He said softly. Was it bad?"

"Yeah. It looked like you were trying to get away from /him/ but you
couldn't move. You just kept bucking and crying." She finished in such a
low whisper that Mulder almost didn't hear her.

"Yeah, um...he had me tied down most of the time. There were...there were
shackles and um...rope." Mulder's voice broke on the last word. Scully
hugged him around the waste again and he buried his head in her neck.
They stood like that for a while, and when they pulled away, they'd both
been crying.

"It's ok Mulder. You'll get through this. We'll get through this. We
won't let him win."

"He's already won Scully," he said bitterly.

"What do you mean?"

"Look at me. I have nightmares every night, I wake up not knowing where
I am, I'm paranoid for no good reason because the son of a bitch is dead
and I know he can't hurt me but still I'm frightened. I'm scared so
you're scared, which makes me angry because that means that he not only
got to me, but to you too. He's won!"

"Mulder...you're alive, and you're fighting. You're getting better
everyday, and as far as I'm concerned, he's lost, because the best thing
that has ever happened to me has come out of this. The fact that I can
now tell you that I love you and not be afraid is all because of him;
and I /hate/ that this had to be the means by which I came to admit it,
but damned if I'm going to let that bastard take that away from me.
Mulder, you're a fighter. You're the strongest person I have ever met.
For you to have gone through the things that you have and survived, not
only to have survived but to be the person you are; that is remarkable.
It would break anyone else, but you just keep coming back from it all,
and stronger then ever before. Are you going to let him take that away
from you? Are you going to let him take you from me? Because I'm not
going to give up so easily. I won't loose you without a fight."

Mulder just stood there in stunned silence.

"Scully?"

"Yea?"

"I love you too."

Scully just smiled. Mulder pulled her into a hug and as he smiled said,
"Hope to God I never get on /your/ bad side."

And they both laughed. The first real laugh that they'd shared in over
two weeks.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


10:30am

After they'd eaten a small breakfast, Scully had taken a long look
around the apartment. It was definitely in need of some spring-cleaning.
She had noticed when making breakfast that there was hardly anything in
the fridge, so she mentioned the need for going food shopping to Mulder.
She had offered to go alone, but he didn't want to stay in her place by
himself. It was understandable in his situation, but she was still
worried about him. She mentioned to him for the umpteenth time that he
should see a psychiatrist, but he denied it saying that he /was/ a
psychiatrist and his diagnosis was that he didn't need one. She tried to
argue with him, but he started to get angry, but that was the last thing
that she wanted, so she dropped the subject for the time being.
Meanwhile, they went food shopping, which was pretty uneventful seeing
as how Mulder had gotten himself into one of his moods again. She threw
jokes at him trying to cheer him up, trying to start their familiar
banter, but he just smiled his sad half smile and continued to stare at
nothing. She frequently had to call his name to get him to keep walking.
She wondered what was going on in his head when he was in one of those
moods. She couldn't imagine ever going through what he was going
through. She wished that there were something that she could do.

When they came upon the dessert isle, Scully got the idea that maybe a
cake would help, if just a little to ease the symptoms if not cure the
disease. She figured chocolate was probably his style, so she found the
most delectable chocolate cake she could and put it in the cart. Mulder
didn't notice.

Now the cake was safely hidden in the fully stocked fridge, and Mulder
was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels, though not
really watching anything. He had offered to help her clean, and she had
agreed, but when she found him just standing with the vacuum starring at
the wall, she gently took it from him and told him that he should
probably rest. He argued that he wanted to help, but she told him that
she appreciated it though she felt that he needed to get well first, so
she sat him in front of the TV.

She continued to clean and every so often she looked in on Mulder. He
was still the same. Still flipping channels, still staring at nothing.
She was really concerned for him. Not because he was behaving this way,
but because he was refusing to see a psychiatrist. What would he do when
Skinner required one in order for him to get his job back, as she knew
he would? Mulder would be furious and uncooperative, but she had to make
him see that it was necessary. When she finished cleaning, she put
everything away and went over to sit with Mulder. When she walked into
the room, at first she couldn't see him but when she drew closer, she
saw that he was lying down, having taken off his shoes. He was asleep
again. He looked so frail and so small. She just wanted to take him in
her arms like a little boy and make all his problems go away. But she
couldn't make /these /problems disappear. It was up to him to get
through it. She would help him, of course but he had to want to get
better himself.

She just sat down in her over-stuffed chair and watched him. Hopefully
in his sleep he would find some peace from the pain he was going through.

Soon, she found sleep herself.

**************************************************************************************************

2:17pm

When Scully woke up, Mulder wasn't on the couch. She looked around
frantically, but when she heard him in the kitchen she calmed down and
chided herself for worrying. Where would he go? She asked herself, and
gently shook her head.

She got up and went to see what he was doing.

She watched him in awe before she interrupted him. He was smiling. He
was apparently making the two of them lunch. Nothing fancy, just tuna
sandwiches and tea, but he was smiling; and humming. Mulder suddenly
turned and saw her.

"Morning sunshine." He said smiling.

"Sorry to tell you this, but it's afternoon." Scully said smiling just
as broadly.

"So?"

"So whatcha doing?" She asked, coming over to him and hugging him around
his back.

He took her hands and gently kissed both of them.

"Well I decided that I'd better cheer up and earn my keep here, so I
decided to make a nice, though rather mundane lunch for us to make up
for my rather dull attitude earlier today."

"Mulder, first of all, you don't have to /earn/ your keep. You earned it
a long time ago. Second of all, you have nothing to make up for in terms
of your moods, although I must say that this person who wants to make me
lunch and tea may come around whenever he wants." She finished with a
smile.

He turned around and looked at her with a sad smile on his face. And
then suddenly put a blob of mayonnaise on her nose with his finger.

"Mulder!" She cried.

But Mulder just bent down and taking her face in his hands, barely
touching her nose with his tongue swept the mayonnaise off again and
then kissed the area which his tongue had previously been. He then
tilted her head farther back and kissed her passionately.

She deepened the kiss farther and opened her mouth so that he may gain
entrance. She brought her arms around his back and started to move her
hands up to the nape of his neck and he jerked away.

"Mulder?" She asked.

"I'm sorry Scully."

"No. Don't apologize. Can you tell me what happened? Why can't I touch
your hair?" She asked tentatively.

"It's stupid, really." He said head bowed.

"Mulder, whatever it is, I promise you it's not stupid."

"It's just that he, uh...It's that he...would pull my hair whenever he
wanted me to move." he said shrugging his shoulders. Sighing, he
continued, "The first night, he was yelling at me. He crouched down over
me and pulled me by my hair to get me to look at him. Then
later...he...pulled me over to...to the shackles...by my hair. He did it other
times to."

Scully cursed herself for ruining his good mood. She cursed herself for
forgetting that he seemed not to like it when she touched his head.

"Mulder, I'm so sorry. I didn't know..."

"Scully no, he said taking her hands, it wasn't your fault, please don't
apologize." He said pleadingly. "I don't want you to be sad; I never
want you to be sad." He pulled her hands up to his heart and bent down
and they kissed again, hands and heart entwined.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


7:05pm

They had eaten a late lunch, so they were now sitting down to a late
dinner. It was good that tomorrow was Sunday. Scully had to go back to
work on Monday, and she dreaded leaving Mulder alone all day. He wasn't
looking forward to it either, but he wasn't up to going back to work
yet. Not even the mandatory desk duty that he'd be facing. So, he was
consigned to sit around her apartment all day. Meanwhile, they were
sitting and enjoying his celebratory dinner. Scully loved to cook, and
it was something that she rarely got to do, since she was never home.
She took sheer delight in preparing tonight's dinner, and even more joy
in watching Mulder consume it. Much like a vacuum consumes dirt. She was
just staring at him when Mulder decided to look up.

"What?" He asked smiling, mouth full of chicken and garlic couscous.

"Oh, nothing...just watching you pretend you’re a Hoover Upright. You
know, if you were so fond of vacuuming, you could have done a better job
earlier." She finished with her patented eyebrow raise.

"You think I'm a Hoover now, wait to you see what I do to that Chocolate
cake you got in the fridge." He said with a sly grin.

"Mulder, you shit, you peeked!"

"Sorry, Scully, he said impishly. I saw it when I went to get the Mayo,
earlier. Which I might add tasted better on you then it did on the tuna."

"Maybe when you're feeling more "up" to it, we can try it in other places."

Mulder looked at her stunned. "Scully, have I told you how much I love
you?"

"Not in the last five minutes." She said with a huge smile on her face.

"Well, maybe this will tell you just how much...." And he took some
couscous and flung it at her.

Scully gasped. "Mulder! After I just vacuumed! Oh, you're gonna die for
that G-man!

And they spent the next five minutes having the most hysterical food
fight ever.

*****************************************************************************************************

11:21pm

Mulder had consumed the cake pretty much in the manner that he'd
mentioned earlier. Afterwards, she has burst out laughing at the fact
that he resembled an 18-month-old child after eating cake. She directed
him to the bathroom to clean up and as she turned to clear the table,
heard distinctly "Mulder laughter" coming from the other room. She had
just grinned and continued cleaning.

Now they were sitting in front of the TV getting ready to watch a movie
that they'd picked up earlier in the day after food shopping. Scully had
picked out "Philadelphia Story, " but Mulder had wanted "Contact."
Scully won out on the basis that "Contact" was tantamount to bringing
work home, and he grudgingly agreed.

"As Cary Grant popped up on the screen, Mulder said, "Oh come on Scully,
I'm cuter then that, right?"

When Scully didn't answer, Mulder turned to her. She had the kind of
smile on her face that said, "I'm not telling," in the kind of way that
only a child could perfect.

"Scully?" Mulder prodded moving in closer.

She just crossed her arms in front of her chest and said, "Shhh, I'm
watching Cary."

"Scully, if you don't answer me, I'm going to be forced to resort to
tickling."

Scully whipped her head around. "Mulder, if you touch me so help me..."

But at that, Mulder pounced and started tickling her stomach. Scully
squealed and began kicking in the air, trying to get away. She managed
to get Mulder's hands away, but in doing so they both became unbalanced
and landed with a resounding /thud/ on the floor. Scully on top of Mulder.

Scully was so busy laughing that she didn't notice Mulder had grown
still and silent. When she looked down at him he had a panicked look on
his face. Scully quickly got off of him and moved to his side.

"Mulder, I'm sorry...are you ok?"

"Yeah..." He said quietly. "I'm fine. I just...I wasn't prepared."

"Do you need help up?" Scully asked tersely.

"No, I'm fine." Mulder said as he got up and went to the bathroom.

Scully just sat there, wondering if she'd ever be able to touch him
without worrying if he would get scared and shut himself off.

About five minutes later, Mulder came back and sat down next to Scully,
who was still sitting on the floor.

"Scully, can we talk?"

"Sure Mulder. Whatever you want. I'm here for you, and I'm not going
anywhere."

"I know." He said smiling, "and you have know idea how happy that makes
me. To know that I can rely on you after something like this. I know how
frustrating this must be for you; us finally telling each other how we
feel, and not really being able to show it. Well, in any physical sense
I mean."

"Mulder, don't worry. It'll be ok."

"Scully, I know. I know it will, but it's frustrating for me too because
I want so badly to hold you and to make love to you, but every time I
think about it I get scared. I just...I just don't know how long I can
deal with this. I'm scared all the time. When you touch me I feel /his/
hands and it's killing me that he's gotten to me like this. I know that
if you hadn't found me I'd be dead right now. He wouldn't have let me
live, Scully, and I am so thankful that I'm alive, but is this much
different? Am I just the walking dead? I feel so empty inside. Like that
bastard took everything away that was me. My sanity, my soul. I just
don't know how much more I can take."

"Mulder, I can't say that I know what you're going through, because I
don’t. All I can say is that he hasn't beaten you. What you're feeling
is normal. I mean, God, what you suffered...I could have never survived
that. I honestly don't know how you're dealing with it as well as you
are. You have to remember though, that you have so much more then you
think. You /do /have your sanity, because you're sitting here talking
with me. You are so strong Mulder; you have no idea what you've
accomplished. And please don't forget that you have me. That's one thing
that this bastard can't take from you. And the man I love...the man I have
always loved...he hasn't taken that away. He can't ever take that away, no
one can. Mulder, it's going to take time to get through this, but I will
always be here with you. Please don't forget that. But Mulder...you do
have to talk to someone if you want to get better faster."

"But I have you to talk to." Mulder said quietly.

"Mulder I know, and you have no idea how happy it makes me that you want
to talk to me about it, but I'm not a trained psychiatrist. Mulder, you
/know/ that you have to speak to a professional. It doesn't make you
weak, and it doesn't mean that you're messed up. It just gives you
someone to work out your problems with. You of all people should know
that. What would you tell someone in your situation?"

"I know. I just don't want to talk to a stranger about this. It's
embarrassing. I mean, I /know /what they're going to ask. 'How does this
make you feel.' I mean, come on, How the fuck do they think I feel?"

"How do you feel, Mulder." Scully asked quietly.

"I...I feel like this mother fucker took my heart and just stomped the
ever-loving shit out of it! I feel like he took the only thing from me
that I had any control over! I hate the fact that every time I have to
take a piss I feel like I'm going to hear him laughing at me because I
pissed all over myself when he raped me! I feel betrayed by my own body
because I got aroused, and I /know/ that it wasn't in my control, and I
hate myself for that too. And most of all, I hate the fact that I feel
so dirty, and so perverted that there's no way you'll ever want to be
with me. You know what he said to me? He said that he was going to make
me ashamed at myself, and that he was going to make me wish I were dead,
and you know what? He did! I am so ashamed at myself and so angry that I
/do/ wish I was dead! At least then I wouldn't have to look at myself in
the mirror! At what he did to me! Every time I see myself I'm repulsed
and I just want to end it all! I'm just so tired of this crap."

When Mulder was finished, he was in tears, and Scully was not far from
the breaking point either. Mulder covered his face with his hands as his
whole body began to quake with earth shattering sobs. Scully just took
him in her arms and let him cry, trying to remain calm herself so that
she could be his rock. When Mulder quieted, he gently pulled away, and
looking at Scully said, "So what's that psychiatrists number?"

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************


**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Part 5 Scene 5

All disclaimers and notes in 1^st part.

****************************************************************NC17*****************************************************************************************


March 14, 1999

3:43am

It was happening again. The hands were coming for him and he couldn't
get away. He couldn't move. He could feel the cold breeze as it swept
over him and made him shiver even more. Trapped, like a caged animal.
Hands shackled, and legs tied, ass shooting into the air, ready to be
tortured as before; and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Couldn't
stop the beast that was coming for him again and again.

He felt the over whelming humiliation as he was groped again and again.
The hands were moving all over him. Touching, prodding, poking, and
pinching. First one nipple and then the other. Then there came the
tongue that always wanted to make him vomit. Then the white searing heat
of his mouth on his penis, moving him in and out, first slowly and then
faster and faster as he became hard. The knowledge that the beast was
stroking himself as he was Mulder, mimicking the movements of his mouth
with his hands. Making him come as he screamed in agony.

Pleading. Always pleading for him to stop; to please leave him alone.
But he never listened; always touching, feeling, and tasting.

Crying. Shaking. Always so cold.

Then the pain as he was entered from behind. The horrifying feeling of
his Prostrate being massaged by the fingers. Always beginning with one,
then another finger added as his anus got used to the feeling, and then
finally three. Three fingers invading. Rubbing and massaging. Making him
hard again. The humiliation.

And ultimately, his penis. Wet and ready, entering him with a moan of
pleasure from the beast, and a cry of pain that escaped his own tortured
soul. Thrusting in and out, over and over again until his come came
spewing out at him. Always the same. Never safe. Always trapped. Never
safe.

And then the familiar warmth would come and ease away his fears,
enveloping him in safety once more. Calming his nerves. Forcing out the
demons that invaded his sleep, and his waking hours. Putting his
shattered soul back together again. His savior.

************************************************************************************************

3:43am

After Mulder had calmed down earlier, they had both decided that maybe
it was time to go to sleep. Cary Grant would have to wait until another
time. They were both exhausted from the events of the past day and they
figured all would look brighter in the morning. She and Mulder both
adjourned to their respective rooms, and Scully kept her door open, as
did Mulder in case he needed her.

But Scully was unable to find sleep. Four hours since they'd said
goodnight, and she was still tossing and turning, trying to keep her own
demons at bay. The demons that forced her to envision what Mulder must
have gone through. She didn't want to know. She felt that she possible
had enough fodder for years of nightmares.

And then she heard his strangled cries. His pleas for his captor to
leave him alone. To please not touch him /there/ and the shattering
screams that she thought might even make the angels cry. Always crying.

She quietly but swiftly entered his room to the sight of him, once more
in a fetal position, hands clasped around his knees and rocking back and
forth. She could barely hear his quiet please escape his lips.

"No...No... Please no. Please..."

Her heart went out to him. How much more must he be forced to endure?
She silently asked herself.

But without hesitation, she climbed into bed with him once more and took
him in her arms, muttering soothing words of comfort. Telling him he'd
be ok and that he was safe, and he visibly relaxed into her.

And she continued to rock him.

************************************************************************************************

Safe. He felt safe again. And then his dream shifted. The day was warm
with a cool breeze, and he felt happier then he had since the days
before Samantha had been taken. He felt the most unbelievable love in
his heart.

He was surrounded by white, and he noticed he was standing by the alter
of a church. He looked around him and saw familiar faces. His mother and
Mrs. Scully were sitting side by side, and they were beaming at him.
Father McCue was standing at the head of the Alter, and A.D Skinner was
standing beside him. And he was actually smiling.

Then the doors at the end of the church opened and Mulder's heart
soared. There was his Scully, dressed in a white flowing gown with
shimmering sequence and pearls. The white of the veil set off her hair
perfectly. She looked like an angel descended from the heavens just for
the purpose of keeping him safe and loved. And he felt loved. For the
first time in his life he felt truly loved.

And she came to him, arm in arm with her brother Bill Jr. When they
arrived at the altar, Bill released his Scully to him and shook his
hand. And he smiled.

"I love you," Mulder whispered.

"I love you too."

And the ceremony proceeded as they said their vows. Vows which they'd
been living by for years with out really noticing. And they kissed. A
kiss that made the angels sing, and they were one.

************************************************************************************************

Mulder woke up with the feeling of tender arms wrapped around his waste.
He carefully turned so as not to wake his love. He bent to place a kiss
on her forehead and as he pulled back, she murmured two words.

"I do."

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


End of Part 5

Continued in Part 6

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************


*_Ties That Bind_ *Part 6 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman

 

Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: May 3, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money.
All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created
out of my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow
force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************


March 18, 1999

5:27am

Every night for the past week He and Scully had gone to bed in their own
rooms, and every morning he woke up with her arms rapped tightly around
him. The nightmares kept coming, and he thought that if they didn't stop
soon, he might possibly go insane. (If he wasn't there already) He was
so tired, being that he hadn't received a good night sleep in almost
three weeks. He was used to nightmares, but they'd never been like this.
He'd gotten used to the dreams of Samantha's abduction years ago, and
then he'd had to get used to the ones of Scully being taken. Now he had
these to deal with. There wasn't much more of this that he could take.
He was actually looking forward to meeting with the psychiatrist today
after his first check-up at the hospital. That alone was scary enough.
That he /wanted/ to talk about it. If only so that these damned
nightmares would go away.

Scully shifted in his arms and let loose a soft sigh. Mulder smiled
despite the situation. He liked waking up with her in his arms. Or
rather, with him in /her/ arms. It felt so natural. When she was with
him, he could almost make himself believe that the events of the past
three weeks had never happened. But they had, and he had to deal with
it. He was just glad that he didn't have to deal with it alone.

Scully had been back to work for three days now and he was going stir
crazy not having anything to do. If all went well at the doctors today,
he could possibly be back at work on Monday. At this rate, he'd even be
happy to do desk duty.

Mulder was startled by the sound of the alarm going off next to him.
After two nights of moving into Mulder's room, Scully had begun to set
the alarm in there so that she would wake up in time for work. Not like
the first day where she showed up an hour late for her first day back,
because of him. 5:30; it was time for Scully to get up to go to work. He
quickly shut it off in order to give her a few more minutes of sleep.
She deserved it, having to put up with his nightly torments. She
shouldn't have to go through this too, he thought to himself. But what
would I do without her?

He gently got up to go start the coffee. It had become like ritual that
every morning he would make breakfast so that she had that little bit of
extra time to get ready. He loved doing things for her. Even little
inconsequential things like making the coffee. It made him feel almost
normal.

Who was he kidding? He'd never been normal, and he never /would/ be. He
didn't even know what normal was.

Soon the coffee was made, and Mulder cut up two bagels and smeared them
with cream cheese. (Regular, not light) Putting them on a tray he crept
back into the bedroom and sat down on the bed, placing the tray on the
floor for the time being.

He then bent down and placed a tender kiss on Scully's mouth. She slowly
deepened the kiss and carefully, so as not to touch his head brought her
arms up around his back. Mulder felt her smile against his mouth and he
pulled away so that he could look into her eyes. Her eyes were so blue
and deep that he thought that they were surely deeper then the deepest
ocean. They were so clear and beautiful, and as pure as her heart.

"Well, good morning handsome."

Mulder shivered. "Um...please don't call me that, Scully." He said in a
whisper.

"Oh...um, good morning my sweet, loveable, gorgeous, hunk of a G-man."

Mulder smiled. "Wow. Now that's better."

Mulder bent down to pick up the tray of breakfast.

"Mulder! You didn't have to do this." She sighed.

"Yea I did. I don't know of anyone who would be so understanding and
loving of someone who was going through what I'm going through, and
there's just no way to thank you. I love you so much Scully, and it's
killing me that I don't have a way to show it."

"Mulder, you show it every second of every day. When you look at me I
know. When you touch my hand I know. Every time you place your hand on
the small of my back I know. Mulder, I've always known how you feel
about me, even if I've never been able to tell you. There's no way I
could /ever/ let you go through this on your own, because it doesn't
just effect you. When you hurt, I hurt Mulder, and that's because I love
you and I /never/ want you to be in pain, whether that be physical or
emotional. You're my other half. You said a while ago that I make you a
whole person. Don't you know that without you, I wouldn't be me?

Mulder didn't know what to say. He and Scully were never one for showing
their feelings, and now that they were being so forthright in emotions,
he didn't know how to react. So instead he settled for pointing at the
bagels and saying, "Um, It's real cream cheese. Not light."

Scully broke into a broad smile and kissed him on the nose. "My hero."
She said

********************************************************************************************************

Jay Edgar Hoover Building

X-Files Division

12:13pm

Scully was working on the latest batch of paper work when she was
startled by the ringing of the phone.

"Scully."

"Agent Scully, may I see you in my office please?" Spoke AD Skinner.

"Yes sir, right away." And she hung up the phone. She had no idea what
the AD wanted to speak to her about. He sounded anxious. Well, more so
then usual.

She arrived shortly In the outer office of the AD and his secretary
informed her that she was allowed to go right in.

"Sir, you wanted to see me?" Scully inquired.

"Yes, Agent Scully. Please, have a seat." AD Skinner said, as he took
his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and
forefinger.

"Thank you sir." Scully replied as she sat, crossing her legs.

"What is your prognosis on Agent Mulder's current condition?"

"Sir?"

"When do you feel he will be up to coming back to work?"

"Well sir, I feel that he's making good progress. He's less introverted
then he was when he first left the hospital, and he's agreed to speak to
a psychiatrist. In fact, he has his first meeting with her today." I
know that he's bored having nothing to do and that he actually would
like to return to work as soon as possible."

"Do you think that he'd be able to work half days for a week starting
Monday, and then full time after that. Desk duty only, of course until
he is given the ok for field agent status by his doctors."

"I believe that he would be up to the task sir. Of course only Mulder
can tell you how he's feeling on the matter. Whether he feels he can
handle it or not. I feel that he can though."

"Would you tell him that I would like to meet with him on the issue on
Monday at 10am?"

"Yes sir, I would be happy to." She said with a small smile.

"Thank you agent, that will be all." Skinner said as he placed his
glasses back on his nose and waved her out of the office."

Scully rushed down to the basement to call Mulder. He was going to be so
happy. She knew that it was torture for him to be alone all day with
nothing to do. She thought for a moment before picking up the phone, and
then decided that she'd meet him at the hospital instead. She'd take him
out to lunch to celebrate. She couldn't wait to tell him the good news.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Georgetown Medical Center

Examination Room 2

12:59pm

Mulder was sitting on the examination table waiting for the doctor to
arrive. He was uselessly swinging his legs back and forth, and starring
at them. Left right, left right, and then left again. He just didn't
want to think about what was waiting for him. The exam, and the
questions on how he was feeling. Physically, he was fine, and he knew
that he was going to be fine. He wasn't worried about STD's, because the
tests had all come back negative when he was there a week ago. He was
nervous about being touched. By a man. And Scully wasn't there. He
wished that Scully could have come. It would have made him feel safer,
even if he knew that his fears had no grounds. He knew the doctor
wouldn't hurt him, but he was still nervous.

The door opened, and looking up from the floor, Mulder saw Dr. Wiessman
walk in, clipboard in hand. He greeted Mulder, and Mulder grunted his
hello.

"How are we feeling today, Mr. Mulder?" The doctor asked.

"Fine. I'm fine. My ribs don't hurt anymore, and everything else is good
to." Mulder replied quietly.

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. I'd like to run through the normal physical
exam. See that everything is healing properly, as I'm sure it is, and
then I'll give my recommendations for your returning to work. How does
that sound?"

"Fine I suppose."

"Good, then we'll get started."

The doctor was about to put the clipboard down when there was a nock at
the door. The door opened and Sully peeked her head in. Excuse me
doctor, is it alright if I come in?"

"Scully." Mulder breathed a sigh of relief.

The doctor took a look at Mulder and noticing his relief nodded his head
in ascent at Scully entering the examination room.

"Thank you," she said as she made her way over to Mulder. "Got some good
news for you." She whispered in his ear."

"What?"

"Tell you after." She said beaming.

Mulder couldn't believe it. She was there. Once again, the God he'd
thought he didn't believe in answered his prayers. Suddenly the doctors
visit didn't seem that bad, and he actually smiled. Just 20 minutes
later, the exam was done as if it had never even started. Everything was
fine, as Mulder had professed, and the Doctor gave the ok for him to
return to work when he wanted. But not Field status. He could only work
behind the desk until the psychiatrist gave him the thumbs up. But that
didn’t matter. He could actually get out of the house. He couldn't be
happier.

"So Scully, what did you have to tell me?"

"Well, I'm sorta bummed now, she teased. The doctor got to tell you
first." She said in mock sadness.

"Tell me what?"

"Well, Skinner called me into his office today. He said that if you were
up to it, you could come back to work on Monday."

Mulder was glowing.

"He would like to meet with you at 10am on Monday. See how you're doing."

Mulder's face fell. He hadn't thought about it. Of course he'd have to
speak with Skinner. He didn't know how he'd be able to sit there and
talk to him knowing that /he/ knew what had happened. That he'd seen him
in that condition. He was embarrassed enough as it was with Scully
having seen him like that, and now he'd have to deal with his boss.

"Mulder, what's wrong?" Scully asked noticing his change in mood.

"Nothing really...it's just...Skinner. I really don't want to have to face
him. I mean, what must he be thinking? He already had it in for me, now
this. What if he doesn't think I can handle the job anymore?"

"Mulder, come on...he seemed really eager...in his own way...to have you
coming back. Besides, he asked for you to come back, didn't he?"

"I guess..."

"Come on G-man. Cheer up. I'm gonna take you to lunch. What time is your
meeting with the psychiatrist?"

"3:30."

"Good. We have plenty of time. Do you want me to come with you to the
meeting?"

"Um, I would actually rather talk to her privately. It's just that...I
don't want you to know yet. What happened that is...I just don't want you
to have to worry anymore then you already are. Is that alright?"

"Whatever you want Mulder. I'm here for you. You know that right?"

"I know. Thanks Scully."

And so they went to eat lunch, with Scully being equally sad as she was
relieved. She didn't know yet if she was ready to hear what exactly
Mulder had been through. Her mind was already going into overdrive
thinking about it. But she was also a little taken aback that Mulder
didn't want to talk to /her/ about it. She told herself that he would in
due time, and they both continued on.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Gracie Adams Psychiatric Center

Georgetown

3:25pm

Mulder was sitting in the waiting room waiting to be told that the
psychiatrist was ready for him. He'd been so ready to talk earlier in
the day, but now he could feel himself closing off and he couldn't get
rid of the urge to just get up and walk out. He knew that he had to talk
to someone about it, but his insides were slowly starting to churn at
the thought of having to go through what had happened all over again and
with a stranger yet. He was trying to remember why he'd insisted upon
coming alone, when the door opened up and he was ushered into the inner
room.

Gracie moved away from the door and urged him to sit on the sofa chair.
Even though he himself was a psychiatrist, he couldn't get over the idea
that there should be a black leather couch upon which he was supposed to
lay down. He sat down, just as Gracie told him that should he feel the
need at any point in the session, the chair rocks back and a foot rest
comes out, so that he can get more comfortable. He said thank you, but
that it wouldn't be necessary. She just nodded her head.

"So, how are we feeling today, Agent Mulder?" Dr. Adams asked, pulling
out her notebook and writing the date at the top of the page, along with
the name of the patient.

Mulder didn't answer at first. He was sitting shoulders slumped in a
defeated manner, staring at the floor with his arms resting on his
thighs, hands clasped.

"Agent Mulder?"

"Fine. I'm fine." He said in a hushed tone. He was beginning to feel
like maybe he had switched roles with Scully. Fine had seemed to become
his favorite word as of late, but it was just a word. Something to say
so that people would leave him alone.

"Somehow I find that hard to believe. Agent Mulder, I'm here to listen,
not to dictate. You're going to have to talk to get through this. No one
can help you get better unless you /want/ to get better, and if you
don't talk that's not going to happen very quickly. If fact, it'll
probably get worse. When Agent Scully called to set up the appointment,
she mentioned nightmares you've been having. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

"'Cause."

"Agent Mulder, would you like to elaborate on that?"

He just continued to stare at his shoes.

"Agent Mulder, maybe you should come back when you're ready to talk."
Dr. Adams sighed. She wasn't really inviting him to leave. It was just a
tactic, to get him to open up. Maybe if he got angry with her, he'd
start talking without realizing it.

"Excuse me?" He said in disbelief.

"Well, you don't seem very willing to get through this. I felt that
maybe you don't /want/ to get better, and so maybe you'd better go."

"What the hell do you know about what I'm going through? He seethed,
slowly getting agitated. I happen to have a photographic memory, which
is more often then not a curse, then an advantage! I can't close my eyes
without seeing what that bastard did to me. Hell, I can't even have my
eyes open, and get rid of his face. The feel of him touching me in
places that he shouldn't have. The feeling of my body betraying me and
not being able to do anything about it but cry. Not being able to fight
because I was chained down like a /fucking/ animal. How the /hell/ do
you presume to sit there and tell me that I should go because I'm not
willing to talk? What the fucking /hell/ gives you the right to judge me?"

"I'm not trying to judge you Agent Mulder. I'm just trying to get you to
trust me. To open up so that you can begin to heal. To start to forgive
yourself for not being able to do anything. To take ownership of what
happened to you so that you can accept it and move on."

"But how do I forget what happened?"

"You don't. You learn to live with it, and it /does /get easier. I
promise it will."

"I'm not so sure." He said quietly. "The bastard is fucking dead, and I
still can't get a decent nights sleep. He's dead, and he still haunts
me. I'm scared of everyone and everything. How the hell am I supposed to
go back to work and do the job that I once did? I can't live my life in
fear of the suspects that I have to apprehend, but I can't sit behind a
desk for the rest of my life. I need my life back." He finished
desperately, finally looking up at Dr. Adams with pleading eyes. "How do
I get my life back?"

"You've made the first steps today. I know it sounds cliché, she said,
but admitting your fears, talking about what happened, that's what is
going to help you heal. And you can't just talk to me about it. You have
to admit it to yourself, and you have to talk to the people in your life
who are willing to listen and to be there for you."

"But what if them knowing will hurt them?"

"It may hurt, but it'll help them cope with what you're going through.
It'll help them help you to find a way back to yourself, and to those
who love you."

Mulder just nodded his head.

"Well, I think that that'll be all for today. Shall we meet again, this
time next week?"

"Yeah, I guess," Mulder said, in tired agreement. He felt like he'd been
through the wringer today, and he just wanted to go back to Scully's
place and sleep.

As he stood, he went to shake Dr. Adams hand. She took it warmly, and as
he left, he decided that maybe talking to her would help after all. As
he left, he was suddenly glad that he'd asked Scully if she'd pick him
up. He was all of a sudden too tired to drive.

**********************************************************************************NC17******************************************************************************


Mulder had finished emptying his stomach and was now sitting on the cold
tile floor, back up against her claw foot tub and legs wide apart just
staring hat his hands. Tears poured down his face as he tore himself
apart on the inside. He never in his wildest dreams would have thought
that he would be a personal threat to Scully. Sure, he'd blamed himself
thousands of times for her abduction, her cancer, her sister's death,
etc., but he'd never considered that he could raise his own hand against
her and that terrified him. That he could loose control so completely
and put her in harms way was unthinkable. He probably couldn't have
killed her with that letter opener, but he could have definitely done
some serious damage. He slowly pulled his knees up to his chest and
covering his face in his hands cried probably harder then he ever had
before. He didn't think that he even cried this hard that night not so
long ago in Scully's hospital room as she lay dying of cancer. He
couldn't let himself be her downfall. He wouldn't.

***************************************************************************************************

Scully sat for a while in the same spot where Mulder had left her, tears
streaking down her face. She just didn't know what to do. She could
handle just about anything she thought, except to see Mulder go through
such pain. She knew that he was currently beating himself up about what
had just transpired, but she didn't blame him. She blamed his captor,
and she couldn't even take out her anger on him. He was dead, and just
as always, there was no justice. There had been none when her sister was
killed, and there was none now that Mulder was slowly dying inside.

Scully slowly rose off of the floor and went to the bathroom where she
found Mulder crying into his hands. Sitting down next to him, back up
against her tub, she pulled him into her lap and felt his body shake as
it was wracked with even greater sobs, and she knew at that moment that
his heart was breaking.

"Shhhhh." She whispered. "It's ok...Mulder this wasn't your fault. I don't
blame you Mulder."

"How..." He trailed off.

"What?"

He slowly sat up, and looking into her eyes asked, "how can you not,
Scully? I do!"

"Mulder, I know you do, but it wasn't your fault. You were dreaming. You
thought that I was him. I know that you would never intentionally hurt
me. The fact that you are in here so visibly upset is evidence of that,
but I don't need this as evidence because I know you, and I know your
heart. You are one of the kindest and most loving people I know, Mulder.
You have such love in your heart that I /know/ that that was not you out
there, and to you, that was not me.

Mulder just sat there in silence for a few moments, thinking to himself.

"Scully?"

He had said it so softly that she almost didn’t hear him.

"Yeah Mulder?"

"I need to...I um, I need to tell you what happened. I can't hold this in
any longer, because if I do, this is going to happen again, and I can't
let it. I won't have you in danger because of me. Either this stops now,
or I go back to my own place and let whatever happens happen, but if I
keep this all inside for much longer, I'm going to go crazy and I'll end
up taking you down with me."

Scully took a hold of Mulder's hand and waited with trepidation at what
she was about to hear. She knew that it would be bad, but she had no way
to prepare for what she was about to hear. Mulder looked at her and she
nodded in ascent for him to begin.

"You already know how I was taken. I was drunk, he came up behind me and
when he'd gotten my gun, he conked be over the head with it. Not the
only time that was done, by the way, which is most likely how I received
the concussion; but anyway...When I woke up, I was in that place where you
found me. I was alone, but when I started to feel around the place
looking for a way out, he suddenly appeared out of no where, and before
I knew it I was out cold again. It was still dark when I woke up again,
and I was hog-tied. He was really weird, Scully." He said looking at
her. "I mean, he was one of the most sadistic bastards I ever had the
displeasure of meeting, but he got extremely angry whenever I was rude
to him. If I cursed at him, or refused to answer him, he'd kick me, or
pull my hair."

Mulder paused for a moment to collect his thoughts, along with his
courage and continued.

"He left after that and didn't come back until morning. When it got
light out, I noticed that there were...there were shackles attached to one
of the walls. When he returned, he untied me and started to drag me by
my hair over to them, and when he let go I tried to attack him but he
sidestepped me and I ended up head butting the wall." Mulder let out a
self-deprecating snort of laughter. "Typical Mulder, huh? He just tied
me up again by chaining my wrists to the wall. He um...he then began
to...he...he started to cut off my clothing, and he was, he was touching me
all...all over. He was rubbing me and stroking my, my...genitals and..."

Scully couldn't stop the tears as they began to fall in time with
Mulder's own tears.

"Mulder," Scully said. "You don't have to go on."

"It's ok Scully," Mulder said. "I'm ok, but yes, I do. He just kept
stroking me...everywhere. He then...then he started to um, he started to
give me a blow job. I...I was so humiliated, Scully. I didn't, I didn't
want to." He cried, "but he made me. I couldn't stop him and he just
made me and I...I, oh God, I came."

Mulder started to cry again as he hugged his knees to his chest. "I
didn't want to." He just kept mumbling.

"Mulder, I know." Scully said as she put her arm around him. "Mulder
it's ok. It'll be ok."

"I don't know for how long, but I had passed out and when I woke up I
had peed and vomited all over myself." Mulder said in an embarrassed
whisper. "I was also in a different position. He...he had unchained me and
then positioned me so that I was on all fours. My, my legs were tied to
my arms, and my...my arms were re-chained to the wall. He, he started, he
started rubbing me again like before, and he did everything that he did
before. Everything."

Mulder paused, remembering. He looked up at Scully, and she gave him the
ok to continue. In a quieter voice, almost non-existent, he went on. "He
then entered me from, from behind with his fingers. First one, and
then...then two and finally three. He, he was stroking my...he was, he...he
was touching my, my prostrate, and I, I was getting hard again, and I
just kept telling myself to stop and I couldn't. I couldn't stop him...And
then, then he withdrew and I thought it was over, but then he just
entered me again with his, his...his penis. I think that I had been
screaming...up until this point, but then I just stopped. I think I
realized that there was no turning back now. No stopping it. I just
stopped, and suddenly, it was like it wasn't happening to me anymore. I
mean, I know that it was. It was like I was watching myself from above,
and I could see what was happening and I could see that it was happening
to me, but I couldn't feel it. After he withdrew, he unchained me and
left. But he came back again. He'd always come back and do it again.
Always the same. He always did it the same. If I was out of it, he'd
rouse me by kicking me or punching me. He always wanted me coherent. If
I was screaming or crying, it made him more aroused."

Scully was cold inside. She had hated this man before, but now she
wished that he were alive so that she could kill him herself. She wanted
to be the officer that had put the bullet in his back. She wanted
revenge. Scully couldn't remember ever being as angry as she was right
now. She was seething.

Mulder lay his head in her lap once more and quietly began to weep.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?" He said weakly.

"How...how many times did he...did he do this to you?" She asked in horror.
She wasn't sure why she needed to know. She just did.

"...Um, I'm not really sure. I know that it was about 3 times a day." He
said quietly. "I remember...I think that I saw the sun 3 times, but on the
third time I got away. Six? I think it was six times." Mulder finished
in a voice as small as a child.

"Oh my God," Scully sighed. "Oh Mulder...I'm so sorry...I'm so, so sorry."
She cried, rocking him back and forth. Soon, Mulder's breathing grew
deep and even. He was asleep.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************


End of Part 6

To be continued in Part 7

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************


*_ _*

*_Ties That Bind_ *Part 7 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman

 

Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: May 11, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money.
All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created
out of my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow
force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************


Annapolis, Maryland

Dana Scully's Apartment

March 19, 1999

5:30 am

Scully woke up to the shrill sound of the alarm clock in Mulder's room.
She shook herself out of the confusion that came with realizing that you
were in a strange place. She and Mulder were still on the bathroom floor
where they'd fallen asleep just hours earlier. Mulder felt like a dead
weight on her and she gently shook him so as not to startle him out of
the few peaceful hours of sleep he'd had in weeks. He woke up with a
look of confusion that mirrored hers from just a few moments earlier,
and upon realizing that he'd fallen asleep literally "on" her, he gave
her a sheepish grin and gently rose to stretch his limbs. When Scully
got the feeling back in hers, she did the same. It was strangely
reminiscent of their time in the woods of Florida when Mulder had yet
again fallen asleep on her after being injured by a Ponce De Leon wanna
be. Scully smiled at the memory.

"What are you smiling at?" Mulder asked in confusion.

"Oh, just remembering a certain forest and talk of sleeping bags." She
said, with wry humor.

"Offer still stands Scully." Mulder said with a smile.

"Oh does it? Well I just happen to /have/ a sleeping bag this time
Mulder." Scully replied with a hint of a challenge in her voice.

"Is that right?" Mulder asked stepping closer to Scully, invading her
personal space that was becoming less personal of late.

"That's right," Scully replied in a whisper.

"I think right now I'd settle for a kiss." Mulder replied in a similar
tone.

"Pucker up G-man." She replied, and for the first time in forever it
seemed, they kissed. Scully started to move her hands up to the nape of
Mulder's neck, when she felt him stiffen, but then like a chill, he
seemed to shake it off and he deepened the kiss, while Scully moved her
hands up to ruffle his hair. She smiled into the kiss for this simple
luxury that she'd been denied thus far, and nearly cried for the
hundredth time, but she held them back and they finally broke apart.

They looked at each other for a split second before breaking into
enormous grins simultaneously. Suddenly, they both became aware that the
alarm was still beeping ear-shatteringly, and they started to laugh.

"I guess talking /does/ help, huh Scully?" Mulder asked, voice dripping
with awe.

"I prefer the kind of communication that doesn’t require words, Mulder."
Scully said with an arch of her eyebrows.

Mulder smiled, and for the first time in he didn't know how long, he
felt truly happy.

****************************************************************************************************************

Jay Edgar Hoover Building

X-Files Division

March 22, 1999

8:20am

Mulder felt wonderful, when he walked into the office early Monday
morning. He couldn't remember a time when he felt /this/ happy to go to
work. Even if it did mean that he had to face Skinner, the knowledge
that he wouldn't be consigned to Scully's apartment all day by himself
was enough to put a bounce in his step. And Mulder didn't bounce.

Mulder and Scully had spent a lazy weekend together. She had called in
sick on Friday, so it was a /long/ lazy weekend. They went to the
movies, rented movies, and played scrabble, (of which Scully, as always
won). Mulder could just never pass off on her his words symbolizing
alien technology. Of course, when Scully put down a medical term that
Mulder didn't know, she just whipped out her medical dictionary and
shoved it down his throat. Why wasn't there a dictionary on alien
technology, he wondered? But it was a wonderful weekend none the less.

Mulder now sat rocking back in his chair behind his desk, Feet up on top
of said desk, and fiddling with a pencil. He briefly looked up at the
ceiling wondering how many of them he could get up there before Scully
walked in.

Too late. He looked at the door to find her standing there, arms
crossed, and with a gleam in her eye that said, "not again."

"Mulder, you've been back here for all of five minutes and already your
throwing pencils at the ceiling." It wasn't a question. It was a matter
of fact statement. She knew him /way/ too well.

"So, what's on the agenda for today, /very /Special Agent Dana Scully?"
He asked completely avoiding her comment. (typical, she thought)

"Well, /I've /got expense reports to finish for the last case we worked
on. Why don't /you/ start looking at the stacks upon stacks of case
files piled on your desk so that when you are allowed back on the field,
we have something to investigate, Mr. let's see how many pencils can
fall on my head within five minutes?"

Mulder all of a sudden turned serious. He had been brought back to
thinking of his meeting with Skinner.

"Scully, what if I'm never allowed back in the field? What will I do?"

"Mulder, first of all there's no reason why you wouldn't be, second of
all, there's plenty that you could do, in that eventuality, Like being a
profiler for one, or opening your own practice...I know it's not your cup
of tea, but there's nothing saying you can't investigate the paranormal
from behind your desk."

"Scully, you know I can't work behind a desk. I was here for five
minutes and I was already contemplating the relationship between sharp
pencils and a ceiling. You know it's boring for me. I'd suffocate down
here."

"I know, Mulder," Scully said with a sigh. "There's nothing to worry
about anyway. You'll be allowed back in the field. I mean, look at how
much better you are after just one session with Dr. Adams, and talking
with me about what happened. You'll be fine in no time."

"I hope you're right Scully." Mulder said sadly.

They both started in on their work and before Mulder knew it, it was
time to meet with Skinner.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Mulder made slow pacing movements across the interior of the elevator as
it made its way up from the basement. He was trying to think up a way to
sit in front of the Assistant Director without destroying his chances at
returning to field agent status. He knew that it was obvious that he was
nervous. If there were others in the elevator they’d probably be worried
that he’d wear a hole through the floor.

The elevator doors opened and Mulder stopped with a start. He looked
down the corridor for a moment before continuing on, head bowed and
hands in pockets. As he got closer to the AD’s office, he could feel the
tension building in him. He feared that if anyone so much as whispered
his name, he’d probably jump sky high.

Mulder slowly entered Skinner’s outer office and nodded his hello to the
secretary.

"Go right in Agent Mulder. He’s waiting for you." She said.

"Thank you Kim." Mulder whispered, and turning the knob, he walked into
the office.

*********************************************************************************************************

AD Skinner was standing behind his desk looking out the widow. It was
almost 10 o’clock. Almost time for his meeting with Agent Mulder, and he
was just about as nervous as he expected his agent to be.

Agent Mulder had been through quite a horrible experience. One he didn’t
wish on his worst enemy, and he had absolutely no clue as to how to
handle him. How to talk to him and to assure him that he thought no less
of him as an agent, not as a man. He also knew that Mulder wouldn’t feel
comfortable in front of him due to the fact that he was a man, in a
position of power and dominance. He needed to make sure that his agent
felt safe and not threatened in anyway, which Is why he wouldn’t take
his normal seat behind his desk.

Skinner looked up suddenly as Mulder opened the door and head bowed,
walked into the room. It was a shame that it took such n event to make
him on time for a meeting with his boss.

Mulder had closed the door and was now just standing by it, hands in
pockets, and eyes averted.

"Sir, you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, Agent Mulder, thank you for coming. You may have a seat if you
wish." Skinner said uncertainly. He didn’t want it to seem as if he were
giving orders. He wanted Mulder to feel as if he had some control.
Something which he hadn’t when he’ been held against his will.

"Thank you, Sir." Mulder said as he took his familiar seat in front of
the AD’s desk. Skinner quietly moved around the desk and perched on the
edge of it in front of Mulder. Mulder flinched as Skinner got closer,
but he managed to calm himself down and when he finally looked up at his
boss, he was relieved to see the compassion that lie behind his eyes.
The kindness that the AD didn’t usually let peek through. Mulder relaxed
just slightly as he realized that maybe Skinner wasn’t a threat.

"Agent Mulder," the AD began, "The reason I called you in here today is
to find out how you’re doing. I know that you’ve been through quite...and
ordeal, and I wanted you to know that whatever you need, time wise or
whatever, you have it. Whatever you need to get back on your feet is
yours. If you feel you need more time off...-"

"Thank you sir, but I think I’ve had all the time off that I can
stomach." Mulder replied desperately. "What I really need is to get my
field agent status back; however desk duty right now is far better then
sitting at home all day doing nothing."

"Good, well as far as your field agent status goes, I’m afraid it’ll be
a while." Skinner replied, settling into his gruff AD voice. "Your
psychiatrist will be sending me weekly progress reports. While
everything that is said will remain confidential between you two, she
will keep me apprised of your well being. In about a month, I’d say I’ll
make a decision on when you may return to the field."

"Sir, so you mean to say that I /will/ be able to reclaim my status as
field agent?" Mulder asked in quiet hope.

"From what I can tell so far, there should be no problem with that. Of
course for a month after you return to active duty, will be asking Agent
Scully for her opinion on your well being.

"Yes sir. Thank you sir." Mulder said in awe. He couldn’t believe he was
being so lucky. He fully expected Skinner to tell him that he’d have to
sit behind a desk for far longer.

"You’re welcome, Agent Mulder. You may return to work now." Skinner said
settling back into his "I’m the boss" tone.

"Yes sir." Mulder said as he rose to leave. Mulder left the AD’s office
with the beginnings of a smile

spreading across his face.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Mulder and Scully's office

10:30am

Scully sat nervously in Mulder's chair, drumming her fingers on the
desk. She didn't know what would come of the meeting. She did know
however that Skinner was aware of Mulder's condition and she could only
hope that he would be more understanding of his needs. She was just
wondering why she didn't offer to go with him when he walked through the
door...with a smile on his face.

Scully looked up in surprise, and noting the smile on his face broke
into a smile herself.

"Hey! So what happened?" Scully asked getting up and perching on the
corner of his desk so Mulder could take his own seat. Mulder sat down
and leaning back put his legs up on the desk and crossing his arms, just
beamed a smile at her.

"What?! " She cried. When Mulder didn't answer, she went to swat him on
his arm. "Mulder!"

"Oh, it was pretty uneventful. Actually, Skinner was great. He acted
more like a concerned friend then a boss." Mulder said in astonishment.
"He said that I'd probably be consigned to desk work for a month or
until the psychiatrist gives him the ok. He's going to be receiving
weekly reports from her. Then for a month after I return to active duty,
he'll want reports from you to see how I'm doing, but Scully, at least
I'll be on active duty!" He said grinning like a fool.

"Mulder that's wonderful." Scully said with a sigh of relief.

"How 'bout a celebratory smooch?" He said resembling something along the
lines of a Cheshire cat.

"Mulder, were at work. What if someone has the office bugged?" She
whispered.

"They /already/ call us Mr. and Mrs. Spooky." He said as he got up and
trapped her with his arms on either side of her body, leaning into her
with his nose practically touching hers.

"Mulder..." Scully warned.

Mulder captured her lips with her own and she deepened the kiss, leaning
into /him/. When they broke, Scully was the one with the smile. "I think
we should celebrate Mulder, she said beaming. How does tonight sound?"

"Ooh Scully, you're speaking my language now." Mulder grinned.

Scully thought that if they didn't stop smiling, they might actually get
stuck that way. She thought of the lies that her brothers would tell her
while growing up of how if you made a face and someone smacked you on
the back, you'd get stuck like that. But she just couldn't wipe the
smile of her face.

**********************************************************************************************************

Scully's apartment

6:30pm

Mulder was resting in the bedroom while Scully was preparing dinner. He
had asked if he could help, but she'd declined, saying that even though
he'd only worked a half-day, that he should rest after not having worked
for so long. Truth be told, he was exhausted and he'd already nodded off
once since he'd been back at her apartment. It felt more like their
apartment now, and he couldn't help but feel like it was the most
natural thing in the world. He didn't relish having to go back to his
own apartment. He hoped that Scully wouldn't ask him to.

As he lay there, he thought of the turn that their relationship had
taken in the past weeks. He had always been attracted to her, even since
the beginning. True, at first it was physical, but the more time he
spent with her, the more he began to love her mind and eventually her.
He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment in which he fell, but he had
fallen...and hard. There was a time when he didn't want to work with
anyone. He couldn't work with anyone. Now he couldn't imagine working
without her. Or spending five minutes without her for that matter.
Having her around had always been a comfort to him. Now he needed her,
as if she was truly his other half.

Mulder thought back to that case when he remembered his past life and
how Melissa Riedel was his /soul mate/. He didn't believe it now. He
couldn't, because at this moment, he couldn't imagine ever being with
anyone other then Scully.

**************************************************************************************************************

Scully was in the kitchen making dinner. (Cornish Hens with squash and
baby carrots) By the way that Mulder had consumed the chicken the night
they had celebrated his homecoming, she knew that he'd like the hens.
She didn't know how he felt about vegetables, but she'd sautéed them in
a light olive oil and seasoned them with garlic salt and cinnamon, so
she felt that he'd probably like them. She hoped, at any rate. She was
smiling and humming softly to herself. She liked this domestic side of
her. She didn't get to let her out too often and she hoped that she
would be able to keep her around a while longer. She didn't want Mulder
to go back to his own apartment. She wanted him to stay with her. Not
only because he was vulnerable right now and because he was still having
night terrors, but because she liked having him around. It made life
less lonely, and she missed him when he wasn't around. She never knew
how much she missed him until he wasn't there. She supposed that she'd
always been attracted to him, but she supposed that she really fell in
love with him when he gave up who he thought was his sister for her
safety, when the shape shifter had taken her. She had managed to shove
those thoughts deep down inside of her until just earlier this past year
when he'd literally traveled across the world to save her from...she still
didn't know what. (Maybe she just didn't want to admit what had happened
to her.) Risking his own life, after receiving a bullet wound to the
head, he'd traveled all the way to Antarctica to find her. She figured
that that's when she first realized that he loved her too, although
maybe he hadn't yet known it himself.

She smiled at the knowledge that they loved each other, and she wouldn't
ever let anyone take him from her again.

 

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


6:45pm

Mulder was just beginning to doze off again to happy thoughts of him and
Scully when he felt the bed sag and Scully's small hand on his chest.
Mulder opened his eyes to see her smiling down on him.

"Hey." He said, smiling.

"Hey." She replied, with love in her eyes. "If you want to sleep, dinner
can wait." She whispered.

"Nope!" He said rising. I'm ready to start that celebrating G-woman!"

Scully laughed. Her laugher was pure music to his ears. He hugged her
around her waist as he had once before and briefly closed his eyes.

"I love you Scully." Mulder murmured.

Scully rubbed his hair and kissed his head without thinking, but he just
held her tighter.

"Oh Mulder." She sighed. "I love you too."

Mulder pulled away reluctantly and as his stomach started to growl, he
said "Um, Scully...I think we better go eat before my insides devour /me/."

"Now that /would/ be an X-File, wouldn't it?" Scully said with a pensive
look on her face and a tilt of her head.

"Come on G-woman!" Mulder said grabbing her hand. "Let's see how fast I
can turn into a Hoover again!"

"Mulder, I swear if you get food all over the floor and walls again...!"

But Mulder didn't hear her...he was already through the door. Scully just
sighed and shaking her head followed him out.

Scully found Mulder in the kitchen sniffing in all the pots and peeking
into the oven. She stood just in the doorway and hands on her hips
glared at him.

"Mulder! No peeking or no dinner!"

"But Scully...!" He wined. "It smells soooo good."

"Well then, if you expect to eat it, you'd better set the table and stop
snooping!"

Mulder started to walk past her, head bowed and lower lip jutting out.
As he past, Scully swung her arm and swatted him on his behind. Mulder
whirled around and starred at her stunned. He quickly recovered however,
and grinning his sly grin, he said what Scully knew was coming.

"Don't start something you don't intend to finish, Scully."

"Oh, I intend to finish, Mulder...What do you think you can get chocolate
cake every night for dessert?!?"

Mulder stood there, mouth agape.

"Mulder, unless you're attempting to catch flies for dinner..." she
trailed off as she turned to minister to her food.

As she turned around though, Mulder pinched her on /her/ behind. It was
her turn to whirl around now, but he was already gone. She heard the
bathroom door slam, and she smiled to herself. Then she noticed that the
table still wasn't set.

"Mulder!" She screamed. "Get back here and set the table!"

When he didn't respond, she looked heaven wards and shook her head. Then
she turned to get the silver ware to set the table.

***************************************************************************************************************

Dinner was now finished, and Scully was tending to the dishes. Mulder
had eaten much in the same manner as he had for their first celebratory
dinner and as she'd hoped, he'd loved the vegetables as well. He was now
seated in front of the TV looking for what she assumed was something
along the lines of sci-fi. She couldn't help but wonder at the way
things were going for them. Things just seemed to be going to well for
them, and that just didn't happen. Something was going to happen, and
she hoped that when it did, it wouldn't be as bad as she feared.

Scully loaded the last dish into the dishwasher and putting soap in the
dispenser, turned it on. She then joined Mulder on the couch and at the
invite, she snuggled into the crook of his arm. Mulder looked down at
her with a mixture of desire and tenderness in his eyes. Kissing her, he
said "I'm ready for my dessert now."

Scully pulled back and looked at him, not bothering to mask the concern
on her face. "Are you sure?" She asked. "Don't you think that it may be
too soon?"

"I don't think so Scully. I think I'm ready. God, I've been ready for 5
and 1/2 years now." Mulder then got a strange smile on his face as he
said "besides, Scully...I think Spooky has a mind of his own."

"Spooky?!?" Scully said, almost afraid to know the answer.

Mulder just nodded, and with his eyes gestured south.

Scully looked down, and sure enough, it seemed as though /Spooky/ was
ready and raring to go. Scully looked up to be met with a smile and a
shrug. "I guess I kinda got attached to the name."

"Well then, Mr. G-man...let's not keep Spooky waiting any longer."

"Yes ma'am..." Mulder replied as she took his hand and led him to the
bedroom.

*****************************************************************************NC17**************************************************************************


NO KIDDIES BEYOND THIS POINT! THIS MEANS YOU!

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


When they had gotten into the bedroom, Scully had sat Mulder down on the
bed and taking something from her bureau, went into the bathroom. Now
Mulder thought that Scully was beautiful no matter what condition she
was in. Whether she was covered in dirt after a case, or all dressed up
for work, he thought she was more beautiful then any of the women in his
video collection...extensive as it was, but when Scully emerged from the
bathroom just ten minutes later, she took his breath away. She had
scrubbed off what remained of her make-up from earlier that day and had
taken her hair down from the loose ponytail she'd sported. It had been
unseasonably warm in DC that day so her hair had a slight wave to it and
it flowed like a halo around her head. She had undressed and had slipped
on a pure white negligée that hung down almost to the floor. Hugging her
in all the right places, it managed to compliment her pale skin tone
instead of making her appear washed out. She was the very definition of
beauty, and all he could do was stare.

Mulder slowly stood and walked over to her. She just stood there like an
angel calling to him. Beckoning him home, into her waiting arms. He
looked into her eyes, which were now gazing up at him. They were the
purest shade of blue that he'd ever seen. As pure as her heart, and so
filled with love. Love for him, and he couldn't thank whoever it was
that had brought her into his life enough for blessing him with this
wonderful gift: His angel, and his savior. He gently cupped her face in
his hands and remembered a time not so long ago when they had almost
shared that first kiss. That night when she was once again taken from
him, and this time, right out from under his nose. He closed his mind
off to the flood of images that exploded into his head of her lying on
his hallway floor, confused and scared about what was happening, and
closing his eyes as well, he bent down to place a gentle kiss on her
rose petal lips. He felt her arms snake around his waist and her hands
roam up his back as she deepened the kiss. At this moment he knew that
if there was a God, he had surely made them for each other, and he
thanked him with all his heart.

The kiss ended as gently as it had begun, and when Mulder opened his
eyes, he saw that Scully was staring at him, one lonely tear trailing
down her face. Softly, and with concern, he asked "Scully, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." And she smiled.

Mulder smiled in kind and with his thumb gently wiped the tear away.
Taking her hand, he then proceeded to lead her over to the bed.

"Mulder," she said softly. "You are seriously over dressed for the
occasion."

Mulder chuckled quietly. "What are we going to do about it Scully?"

"Oh I think I can remedy the situation." Scully started to unbutton his
shirt with deft fingers, all the while not removing her eyes from his.
She wanted to remember this moment for all eternity. This moment when
their love and their lives would be sealed forever. She couldn't believe
the love that she had for this man. She had no doubt in her mind that
she loved him. It was that she could love this much and this fiercely,
and know that that love was reciprocated. It had the affect of humbling
her.

As she moved to unbutton his slacks, Mulder bent down once more and
placed a feather light kiss on her forehead, and then another one on
each of her eyes. As he did this, her task was momentarily forgotten and
a sigh escaped her ready lips. Scully leaned in as Mulder again kissed
her on the mouth and she opened her lips so that he may gain entrance.
As they continued to kiss, Mulder slipped first one and then the other
of the thin straps of the delicate negligée off her shoulders and it
pooled at her feet. Scully managed to finally unbutton Mulder's pants
and she helped him slide them off of his legs along with his boxers.

Mulder lifted her off the floor and into his arms as Scully cried out in
surprise. Laughing, he placed her on the bed. Scully wasn't used to
giving up so much control to someone else, but she had no worries as she
looked up at Mulder who was looking down at /her./ She had to be tough
at work to survive in the /boys club/ but with Mulder at last she could
be herself. There had always been this part of her that need to be cared
for and to be taken care of. Not completely, but in the matters of the
heart, and she knew that Mulder would not criticize her for it. He would
not think her weak for needing to be held and loved. She knew that he
needed to care for her, as he needed to be cared for, just as she did.

"God, Scully." Mulder began. "You're so beautiful."

Scully sat up and reached her arms out to him. He joined her on the bed
and lying next to her, perched on one arm he ran his fingers through her
hair and down the side of her face marveling at this beauty that was
before him. Again she beckoned him and slowly, positioning himself so
that he was leaning over her, legs on either side of hers, he began his
worship of her. He lay gentle kisses on practically every part of her
body, starting at her navel and ending at her lips. He then cupped her
breasts in his hands, wondering at the fact that they fit perfectly in
the palms of his hands, as if they were made for each other. It seemed
everything about them was in sync. Two different pieces that when put
together made a complete whole. They were so different, but they only
managed to compliment one another in their differences.

Mulder began to stroke her breasts and as her nipples swelled and turned
a darker shade of red, he ran his fingers over them and under the swell
of her breasts and placed sweet kisses down the middle of her abdomen,
moving lower and then lower still. Reluctantly, he released her breasts
and brought his hands down to where the red fluff that covered her most
intimate recesses began. He massaged the area where her thighs met her
outer lips and smiled as Scully sighed and arched her back, bringing his
destination closer to him. He cupped her in his hand and gently stroked
her, and then plunged two fingers inside. He briefly flashed to his
captivity, to when his captor had done the same to him, but he managed
to push the thoughts out of his head as he slowly began to circle and
kneed her clit. Scully bucked at the hips and began to moan. Mulder
moved his fingers faster and then reached deeper inside her, entering a
third finger. He could now hear soft cries coming from Scully's lips and
he noticed that her head was thrown back and beads of perspiration were
beginning to gather at her hairline. Her eyes were closed tight and she
had a look of shear pleasure on her face.

Mulder withdrew his fingers and Scully looked up in time to see him
lower his head, and throwing her head back again she felt his tongue
lapping up her juices which were flowing steadily now. His tongue
flicked at her clit, and dug deeper inside her. He caught her between
his lips and she cried out in ecstasy. Her hips were moving up and down
at a steady pace with Mulder's movements now, and she could feel herself
coming close to blissful release. Suddenly, Mulder placed two fingers
inside her again and squeezed her clit once more. Scully gasped and her
hips shot up as she hit her peak and went tumbling over the edge of the
greatest orgasm she'd ever experienced. She fell back onto the mattress
fully expended.

********************************************************************************************************************

Mulder looked up at Scully. Her eyes were closed, but there was a smile
playing across her lips. He moved up so that he was hovering over her
and kissed her on her mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck and
pulled him closer. She could feel /Spooky/ pressing into her stomach and
she smiled into Mulder's mouth.

"Mulder?" She began, "are you trying to tell me something."

"Yea," Mulder replied breathlessly. " "/Spooky/ wants to come and play
too."

"Let's get it on!" She cried, relaying Mulder's own words back to him.
Those same words he uttered when they had played husband and wife not so
long ago.

Mulder howled and captured her mouth again with his own. Then, with one
move he was inside her and it was like nothing he'd ever felt. She
completed him; he felt whole. She sighed again and he began to move
inside her, first agonizingly slow, and then faster as they found their
rhythm. It was perfect, and he could feel Scully tighten her muscles
around him. Perfect.

It was taking him longer to reach his peak, but Scully was fast
approaching another orgasm. She hit and was over the edge again,
falling. Mulder was just about to peak himself when suddenly he was
assailed with images of his rape again. Scully was gone, replaced by the
devil. It was not she who engulfed him, but the devils mouth and Mulder
shuttered and began to shake violently.

Scully noticed the change in Mulder almost immediately, and her eyes
flew open. His eyes were squeezed shut, in terror and agony, and he was
quivering. All other movement had ceased and she realized he was
reliving his nightmare. She didn't know for sure what had triggered it,
but she guessed that it was the onset of the orgasm. She had felt him
begin his own release when all of a sudden he just stopped and his
disposition changed drastically. She tried to call his name, but he was
unresponsive. She reached up and cupped his face in her hands as two
tears squeezed out from under his closed eyelids, but he was still
trapped in his terror filled mind.

Mulder began to shake even more violently. All of a sudden he released a
deafening scream and collapsed on top of her, ejaculating as he fell.

******************************************************************************************************************************************


_Ties That Bind_Part 8of 11

By Stephanie Feldman
 
 

Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: May 27, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money.
All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created
out of my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow
force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************

Scully's Apartment

March 22, 1999

 

Scully cried out as Mulder fell on top of her. He was a great deal
heavier then her petite 5'3" 110lb frame, and the impact had the affect
of knocking the wind out of her momentarily. Her own discomfort was
quickly shelved however as her concern was completely focused on Mulder.

Scully quickly but gently got out from under him and turned him over,
trying to assess his condition. She quickly felt for a pulse knowing
that he was probably fine physically. She also knew though that extreme
psychological events could affect the heart and she just had to make
sure that he was indeed ok. His pulse was strong, if a little on the
fast side, but that was to be expected. She sighed in relief, and went
to throw on her pajamas. Quietly getting back into bed, she lay down
facing Mulder and covered them with the blanket. He could easily be
mistaken for just a peaceful sleeper if it weren't for the tears that
still leaked out from beneath his closed eyelids. Scully softly brushed
them away with her thumb, letting her hand linger perhaps a little too
long on the side of Mulder's face. Mulder sighed and moved in closer to
her, and she wrapped her arms around him trying to shield him from his
nightmares. She could feel his heart beat slowing to a more normal
rhythm, and as she started to nod off to the soothing sound, she heard
him whisper something.

"Please."

"What?" She asked just as quietly, not sure whether he'd actually spoken.

"Please..."

"Scully was about to ask him what, again when he continued.

"Please...please don't let him hurt me." He pleaded, pulling his knees up
to his chest and moving still closer to her. She felt her heart
breaking. It was like listening to a child; so fragile and vulnerable.
And she felt so absolutely helpless, because there was absolutely
nothing she could do except be there for him. She couldn't fight his
demons, because this one was already dead. Mulder had to be the one to
destroy the monsters in his closet and under his bed, but she comforted
him none the less.

"Shhh...I won't let him hurt you. I promise Mulder, he'll never hurt you
again." She responded tearsly, softly smoothing his hair, and drying
still more tears from his still closed eyes.

"Please...It...it hurts so much."

"What, Mulder?" She asked worried. "Where does it hurt?" She thought
that maybe he was still sore and he hadn't told her, or maybe he hurt
himself when he collapsed. She pulled back from him slightly and saw
that he had opened his eyes and was staring back at her. There was a
haunted look behind clear hazel eyes, and it scared her.

"It hurts so much." He repeated.

"Mulder tell me, where does it hurt?" Scully pleaded herself.

"It hurts...inside." He cried, curling himself up even tighter. He wrapped
his arms around his knees and started to shake again, and Scully held
him even tighter. She could feel the tears start to sneak out from her
own eyes and she tried to wipe them away before they fell on Mulder. He
didn't need to know that she was upset. Then he'd be worried about
/her/, and she didn't want that.

She slowly rocked him and soon his breathing slowed and the shaking
subsided. He was asleep again. She hoped that things were better in the
morning, because they couldn't get much worse.

***********************************************************************************************************

When Mulder woke up it was a little past 3 in the morning. Scully was
sleeping quietly beside him, and she had one arm placed gracefully
across his stomach. He gently took her arm and moving out from under it,
placed it back down on the mattress. He pulled on his pajama bottoms and
then taking one of the pillows left her bedroom. After last night, he
didn't feel he belonged there. Grabbing the afghan that was placed over
the back of her couch, he lay down and tried to get comfortable. He
wasn't used to sleeping on couches anymore...he was so used to her bed.
No, he was used to her. Being next to her, and being held by her. He
didn't deserve it now, though. He didn't deserve her. He'd leave for his
own apartment /now/, if he knew it wouldn't make Scully angry and upset
with him, but he couldn't do that to her. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he'd go
back to his place, and she wouldn't have to worry anymore. She wouldn't
have to be inconvenienced by him and his ill-timed flashbacks. And he
wouldn't have to see her cry.

He knew that she had been crying last night, because despite her
efforts, he could feel the tears as they fell on him and he could feel
her quivering body as she tried to comfort him. He didn't want to
leave...He could almost convince himself to stay, but he wouldn't. He
couldn't watch her suffer because of him, and he couldn't let what
happened last night happen again.

It wasn't his pride that was wounded...It was his heart, because last
night had been so wonderful, and so important in their relationship...and
he'd ruined it. If he could at all help it, it wouldn't happen again.

*************************************************************************************************************

Scully woke up suddenly and looked at the clock. 3:55. She knew
immediately what it was that woke her. Mulder wasn't there. She rolled
out of bed and went to look in the bathroom but he wasn't there either.
She found him curled up on the sofa. It was obvious that he'd been
crying again. There were damp spots on the pillow and his eyes were
still lightly puffy.

Scully went back to the bedroom and called in a message to AD Skinner
saying that they wouldn't be into work today. She simply stated that
Mulder was sick and that she didn't feel right leaving him alone all
day. She noted that she'd keep him apprised of the situation. She then
went to the closet and got another afghan, and coiling her legs under
her, got herself settled on her overstuffed chair.

She sat there staring at him for a long time. She knew why he had come
out here. He was punishing himself because he felt that he'd let her
down in some way. He was probably embarrassed, and felt that he
shouldn't be with her after what had happened, but nothing could be
farther from the truth. She wanted him with her more then ever. She
wanted to comfort him and to love him, and she wanted that from him as
well. She knew as well that he wasn’t worrying about himself, but was
concerned about what he was putting her through, but she didn't care
about that. She was worried for him and that wouldn't stop just because
he stopped sleeping in her bed. She would always worry for him because
she loved him.

Tomorrow she'd have to make him understand that.

 

*************************************************************************************************************

March 23

10:13am

Scully felt a pair of eyes on her as she slowly pulled herself from the
confines of sleep. She prepared herself for a stiff neck and limbs that
would come from sleeping on the chair for a better part of the morning,
and was startled to find that she was lying down. Scully was on the
couch, where Mulder previously had been and he had taken up residence on
the chair. He must have woken at some point and moved her there. Strange
that she hadn't woken. She must have been exhausted.

She sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Mulder had taken to
staring at the floor when she looked up and he said a quiet good morning.

Before she could reply though, he continued.

"I um, thought I should tell you...I think I should go back to my own
apartment."

"Mulder..." She started, shocked.

"Don't. I know what you're going to say, and I know that last night
wasn't my fault but I can't go through that again. I can't risk having
another flashback and having to know what it's doing to you. How it's
affecting you, and you say that you don't care and that you're fine but
/I'm/ not." He said, finally looking up. "I can't watch you live through
my nightmares. I just can't. It would be better for you if I just went
home."

Mulder got up and moved towards the door. His bags were there. He'd
already packed. She sat there dumfounded. When she pulled herself
together, she went to try to stop him. To try to make him change his
mind, but he was already gone. She wondered for a moment how he planned
on getting home, since he didn't have his car here. She went to peer out
her window and she saw that he had called for a cab. She watched him get
into the car, and then he was gone.

********************************************************************************************************************

Scully was pacing the floor of her living room with frantic movements.
She didn't know what to do. She just didn't know. Mulder was wrong; it
/was /her fault. She should have told him no. Should have told him that
he wasn't ready. She's a doctor for Christ sake! Ok, so she may not be a
psychiatrist but still. She /knew/ that he wasn't ready. This was all
her fault, and now he was suffering.

She stopped just in front of her couch with a thought. She slowly smiled
to herself. Fine. He thought that he was better off at his place? Fine,
but nothing said she couldn't stay there with /him/. She knew that he
meant that he felt he was better off alone, but that's not what he'd
said. She ran to get her bag and hastily packed. He'd be upset, but she
didn't care. She didn't trust him to be by himself. She didn't think
that he was suicidal, but she wouldn't take the risk, and she wouldn't
take no for an answer. He wanted to run from her that was fine, but she
wasn't going to give up without a fight.

She phoned her mother before she left to let her know where she'd be,
and was out the door.

******************************************************************************************************************

Alexandria, Virginia

Apartment of Fox Mulder

11:21

Mulder was sitting on his couch staring at the TV. For the first time in
a long time, it wasn't on. He was just staring at a blank screen. He
felt numb all over. She was the best thing in his life and he'd just
walked away. She was upset at him no doubt...maybe even a little angry,
but he couldn't help that now. He couldn't watch her follow him down
into despair. He had seen the terrified look in her eyes when he'd
finally been able to say last night /where/ it hurt. The awareness that
seeped into her eyes at what he'd meant.

He had lied to her when he said that he thought he had been ready. He
knew that he wasn't, but he was willing to take that chance. He knew
that it was too soon, but he'd wanted to be with her so badly. And he
knew that she wanted to be with him. He had wanted to give that to her.
He had wanted to love her and to be loved but he saw that that wasn't
possible now. Maybe he didn't deserve that happiness. Every time it
seemed he had it, something took it away.

He contemplated his gun, which was sitting on the coffee table just a
few feet away. He remembered back to that night when he learned that he
might have been the reason for Scully's cancer, and how he had been so
ready to end it all. To pull the trigger and be out of her life so that
he could never do her harm again. He would have done it too, if
Kritchgau hadn't called at that moment. But he wouldn't do it now. He
wouldn't let that piece of filth win. Then he thought again about what
happened last night and how maybe he already had.

**********************************************************************************************************************

Scully stood just outside Mulder's door, not sure of how to proceed. Now
that she was here, she thought that maybe she'd made a mistake. She
wasn't sure how Mulder would react and she didn't want to upset him, but
she couldn't let him shut her out. Not now, and not ever again. She put
her suitcase on the floor and knocked confidently on the door. It
sounded more confident then she felt. She heard Mulder's slow movements
inside and stepped back as he opened the door.

"Scully, what are you doing here?" He asked tiredly.

"Well, it occurred to me that you never said that I couldn't come /here/
so I thought you might use some company for a day or two or whatever,"
She said once again picking up her suitcase and moving past him into his
apartment.

"Scully, go home. I said I wanted to be alone."

"No, actually you didn't. You said that you felt you'd be better off at
your place. You never said anything about being alone."

"Scully. I mean it...go home." Mulder said, now getting agitated.

"I don't think so Mulder." Scully said getting agitated herself. "Have
you stopped for one moment to think about what this is doing to me? How
/I/ feel about this?"

"That's /why/ I'm doing it Scully." Mulder replied desperately. "I told
you already...I can't let what's happened to me affect you. I can't watch
you follow me into my nightmares. I can't watch you cry over me, and see
this tear you apart because it's killing me inside. This bastard may
have gotten the best of me, but I'll be damned If I let him get to you
too!"

"Mulder, don't you see though? It /does/ affect me, whether you're at my
place or yours. Just because I can't see you doesn't mean I won't worry.
It means I'll worry even more, because you're alone and I don't know
what's going on in that head of yours. I don't know what you're
planning, how you're coping, /if /you're coping. I mean, obviously
you're not because of what happened last night. Mulder, not being with
you and not worrying about you is like not breathing. If I didn't
breath, I'd die, and without you, It's as if I am dead. You are so much
a part of me Mulder, that the idea of not worrying about you his
absolutely ridiculous. Mulder..." she said taking a step towards him and
taking his hands in hers. "Don't see that you're a part of me? Let me
help you, /please/."

"Scully..."

"Mulder, look at me."

Mulder just continued to look at the floor. He was starting to tear up
again, and removing his hand from hers, he stepped back.

"Scully, I'm sorry...but I can't. I just can't."

Scully shoulders drooped as Mulder walked past her and closed the door
of his bedroom behind him.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


5:30pm

It had been hours and Mulder hadn't stepped foot out of his room. After
Mulder had left her standing there yet again, she had shrugged out of
her jacket and putting it on the coat rack sat down on his couch to
think. Six hours later she still didn't have a clue as to how to reach
him. She'd knocked on his door numerous times trying to get him to open
up, or to at least listen to her, but she always ended up sitting on
that couch again, near tears. She tried to be angry with him for
shutting her out like this, but she couldn't find it in herself. He was
hurting now, and he didn't want her to hurt by suffering with him. What
he didn't seem to understand though, was that she was anyway. In fact,
she suffered more because he wouldn't talk to her.

She got up once more to try to reach him. Scully rapped lightly on his
door and called his name.

"Mulder? Mulder please talk to me."

But there was no response. She felt like everything that they had
finally achieved together was slowly slipping away. She just stood
there, her palm flat against the door, trying to touch him.

****************************************************************************************************

For hours it had been the same. He lay on his bed, staring at the
ceiling. Staring at nothing. Random thoughts kept flowing through his
head. Stupid things, like how he wanted to take down that mirror that
hung over his bed, and where the hell did it come from anyway, and for
that matter, where did this bed come from. Anything to keep from
thinking about Scully, which by the way was nearly impossible seeing as
how every time he managed to distract himself, she was there again
knocking on his door, pleading for him to listen to her.

He closed himself off. He didn't want to listen, because he knew she was
right. He just couldn't make himself go to her. He knew that she was
hurting too. That no matter where he was, whether he was with her or not
she would worry, and be upset, but that only served to make him want to
get even farther away. He wished for a moment that she didn't love him,
because then she wouldn't hurt like she is. But then he would get
selfish again and thank God that she did love him because he knew that
without her he wouldn't survive. He would have been dead long ago.

Again, he heard her knocking on his door.

"Mulder? Mulder please talk to me."

And then all was silent again. He could hear her sag against the door.
He imagined her small had pressed against the door, trying to reach out
to him. He got up, but instead of going to her he went into the bathroom
and turned on the light. He looked at himself in the mirror for the
first time since he'd been taken. He didn't recognize what he saw. He'd
lost some weight. He hadn't been eating much but what Scully made for
dinner. His eyes were sunken and bleary, both from not sleeping and from
crying; and there was nothing behind them. No life; just emptiness and
sorrow. Mulder backed away from his reflection and leaning against the
wall sank to the floor. He felt so weak and empty. He had nothing left.
All he had in the world was Scully, and now he was pushing her away too.
He had no control over anything in his life anymore, and he couldn't
seem to make himself stop crying for two seconds. He thought perhaps
that he was going insane.

Scully could hear Mulder crying on the other side of the door. She tried
to turn the knob on the door but he'd locked it.

"Mulder, let me in." Scully pleaded. "Please let me help you Mulder,
please."

When he didn't answer, she slowly sank to the floor and leaning against
it with her left side, she placed her right palm against the door again.
Quietly, and in tears, she asked "Why won't you let me help?"

*****************************************************************************************************************

10:13pm

All he wanted to do was go to sleep. He wanted to shut off his mind so
that he couldn't think about what was happening to him. But he wouldn't
sleep. To sleep would be to bring on the nightmares, and he knew that it
would be the same. The devil would come for him and he would be
powerless to stop him. He would cry out in his sleep and Scully would
come running. Granted, he'd locked the door but he knew that that
wouldn't stop her. She'd just break it down. So he didn't sleep. He did
however turn on the TV to start looking for some old sci-fi movies.
Anything to keep himself awake. Anything to keep the monsters at bay.
Slowly, he lost himself in his task, and slowly morning came.

At about 6:30am, Mulder heard Scully lightly rap on his door.

"Mulder? Mulder...I, I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving for
work. I'll be back around 5. Mulder?"

Mulder heard Scully sigh and the sound of her heels tapping on the floor
as she opened the door and left the apartment. He turned off the TV and
unlocked his door. He was starving, but as usually he had nothing to
eat. Whatever was in his fridge had certainly gone bad and he wasn't
about to go look. He settled himself instead on his couch. Lying down,
he turned on the TV and closed his eyes. He was so tired. Maybe with the
TV on, and it being day he would have more luck with keeping the dreams
away. Within a matter of minutes he was asleep.

*****************************************************************************************************************

11:21am

Scully sat at Mulder's desk staring at the computer screen, but she
wasn't seeing it. She was just staring. She didn't know why she was
there. She wasn't getting any work done because she couldn't concentrate
on anything but Mulder. She supposed that it was a way of escaping. She
couldn't stay there for another minute knowing that Mulder was so close
while still being so far. So instead, she put the physical distance
between them to match the emotional. She needed time to think, and maybe
if she were at the office, she'd be able to do that. And Mulder would be
able to take himself out of his self-imposed exile.

Scully was so lost in her own mind and thoughts that she didn't hear the
door open and the AD walk in. She was startled when she heard him clear
his throat. He stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets, a
concerned look on his face.

"Agent Scully? Are you ok...I knocked...?"

"Sir, I'm sorry." She apologized as she stood. "I guess I was just lost
in thought."

"About?" He asked, stepping inside the office and closing the door
behind him.

When Scully didn't answer, he took a step closer.

"What's going on Scully? Where is Mulder?"

"He..." Scully paused. She didn't know how to answer. She was afraid that
if she mentioned Mulder's current condition, Skinner would think that he
wasn't capable of doing his job any longer. She didn't want to
compromise Mulder's position. Then again, She knew that Skinner probably
knew what was going on, or at least had suspicions. And she needed to
talk to someone about it.

"Sir, he's not doing too well." She said with a sigh, and sat down again
in Mulder's chair. "He had a particularly strong flashback and wouldn't
stay at my place anymore. I don't know what he's thinking. He won't talk
to me. I went over to his place yesterday but he locked himself in his
bedroom and wouldn't come out. The only reason I came in today was
because I figured if I wasn't there, he'd let himself out of his
bedroom." Scully took a deep breath. "Sir, I just don't know what to do."

"Has he spoken with his psychiatrist since the last time?"

"No...I think he has an appointment for Friday."

"I think that the only thing that can be done right now Scully, is to
wait for him to figure things out for himself. Maybe after he speaks
with her he'll feel better. In the mean time Scully, tell him that he
can take whatever time he needs. I told him as much when I spoke to him,
but remind him that he has my support."

"Yes sir, thank you."

Skinner got up to leave. "Oh, and Scully?"

"Yes sir?"

"If you need some time as well, you may take it. You have two weeks of
vacation time coming."

"Thank you sir." Scully said in appreciation.

"Your welcome Agent. Let me know how things go."

"Certainly sir."

And with that, Skinner left. Scully sat back and closed her eyes. She
was so tired. She hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and she ached all
over. She has spent a good portion of the night and early morning
leaning against Mulder's door. She'd moved to the couch eventually but
that wasn't much better. She wanted to be with Mulder, but he just
wouldn't let her in.

She folded her arms on the desk and rested her head on them. Soon she
was asleep.

****************************************************NC17*****************************************************

It was happening again.

Mulder huddled in the corner trying to get away from him. He was coming
closer, and Mulder couldn't get away. He was trapped.

He cried out in pain as the devil grabbed a hold of his hair again and
tied him up. He grew cold inside as he knew what was coming. It was
always the same. He started shaking as he felt the devil start his
routine. First the hands. They were all over him; roaming his body.
Poking, prodding, caressing. Violating. He felt nauseous. He fought the
urge to vomit as he felt the mans hands reaching down and stroking his
penis.

Helpless. He felt so helpless.

He felt the devils mouth as it closed over his penis and he started to
shake even more violently. He felt the familiar onset of the orgasm and
he started to cry. He felt betrayed by his own body. How could he let
this happen? He was weak. He had no control. He was nothing.

Mulder came and was once again wracked with heavy sobs. He had never
before been so ashamed of himself.

And then the fingers entered him and he cried out in pain. They were
probing him again. Probing, touching, feeling...stroking. And then the
fingers left and once again he was entered by the man's penis. He had
never felt so much pain. It wasn't the physical pain. By now he was
almost used to it. It was more like a slight discomfort then pain. It
was the emotional pain. He could feel his heart being torn apart. He was
dying. He had nothing left. He had always had himself; his strength, and
his will to survive. Now he didn't even have that. He was dead inside.

He reached orgasm again and as he ejaculated he screamed. He felt his
soul shatter into a million pieces.

*****************************************************************************************************************

Scully heard herself cry out as she came awake. She was still in the
office, but she had been with Mulder again. It had been different this
time. It had felt so strange at first. At first she thought that it had
been the same dream as before. She had been with him in the room and he
was in the corner, huddled in a fetal position. The same way that he had
been when she'd had the vision. But then the door opened and the man
came walking in. He had a smile on his face and he'd gone over to
Mulder. She saw the terror in Mulder's eyes as he'd backed up to the
wall. Trying to become the wall. Trying with all his might to get away
from his captor. But he was trapped.

She tried to do something. She tried to stop the beast, but she couldn't
do anything. She watched in horror as Mulder was raped repeatedly. She
felt her knees give and she fell to the floor sobbing. She saw the pain
and the humiliation in his eyes and on his face and she watched him cry,
and she heard him scream. It sounded like her own soul at that moment.
That was when Scully had woken up, and she knew that she had been
sharing Mulder's nightmare.

Scully jumped out of the chair and grabbing her briefcase, she went
running out of the office to the car. She had to get to Mulder.

*****************************************************************************************************************

Mulder woke to the sound of a strangled cry leaving his own lips. He
jumped up and ran to the bathroom suddenly nauseous, but as he hunched
over the toilet, nothing would come out and he spent the next five
minutes dry heaving. He felt the tears burning his eyes and he closed
his lids. He tried to stand when he was overtaken by a dizzy spell and
blacking out went crashing to the floor.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


12:15pm

Scully was a nervous wreck. It took her about half the time it normally
took to get to Mulder's place and as she parked the car across the
street from the front door, she took a few minutes to get her breathing
under control. Mulder was no doubt more upset than she was, and Scully
didn't want to upset him farther. Taking a deep breath she opened the
door and prepared herself for what was sure to be another argument. She
was unsure as of yet as to whether or not she should tell Mulder about
her dream, but she knew that she'd have to talk to someone. If not
Mulder, then a counselor for friends of rape victims. What she had
/witnessed/ had been extremely disturbing and she didn't know if she'd
be able to handle it alone. In truth, she wasn't alone, but Mulder may
not be the right person for her to talk to.

Scully finally reached the door to Mulder's apartment, and as she turned
the key in the lock and opened the door, she called his name...and got no
answer.

*****************************************************************************************************************

"Mulder?"

Somewhere off in the distance Mulder could hear someone calling his
name. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go to it, or even if he could. It
was comfortable where he was. The darkness was all encompassing, and
safe. But he recognized the voice. It called him back, with its
familiarity, and it's own promise of safety.

"Mulder, answer me!"

Closer now and then closer still as his name was called again. He saw
the light, and it was at first blinding, but then warm. Opening his
eyes, he blinked once, and then again trying to figure out where he was.
And then it all came rushing back to him. He was lying on his back on
the bathroom floor, head by the toilet. He had the beginnings of a very
nice headache, as well as remnants of the earlier bout of nausea.

Mulder rolled over onto his left side as he tried to stand. Just at that
moment Scully came in through the door.

The sight of Mulder struggling to stand knocked the wind out of Scully
and although she wanted to help him, she knew that Mulder probably
didn't want it.

Scully took an uneasy step forward.

"Mulder...are you alri..."

"I'm fine." Came a clipped response.

Mulder came to a full standing position and as he went to walk past her
stumbled slightly.

Scully turned and grabbed a hold of his arm, placing the other hand on
his back to steady him. He pulled his arm away and continued walking.

"I said I'm fine!"

"Mulder, you are not fine! You need help!"

When she got no answer, she followed him out into the bedroom where he
was lying on the bed, facing away from her. She sat down on the edge of
the bed and tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

Scully couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't sit passively by and watch
Mulder deteriorate. She had to shake him out of it and she had to do it
fast, or else the man she loved would be gone for good. She stood up and
went to the other side of the bed so that she could look at him. She
stood there; arms crossed in front of her and with quiet sadness, asked
the question she knew would get a response.

"Mulder...you said you loved me. Was that a lie? Did you not mean it?
Because if you didn't, tell me now and I'll go."

Mulder sat up and looked at her in shock.

"How can you even ask that Scully? Of course I love you. I could never
love anyone else. I don't think that I honestly ever have!"

"Then why are you pushing me away? Mulder, you have to know how much I
love you. I believe that I've showed it in more ways then one and I've
definitely said it. Why now, when you need that love most of all, are
you rejecting it...and me?"

"I...I have to." Mulder said looking down.

"No you don't! Why are you making yourself suffer unnecessarily? Mulder,
let me help you!"

"No!" Mulder shouted looking up at her, pleading her to understand. "I
have to do this on my own!"

"Why?!"

Mulder got off the bed and started to walk away again, but Scully wasn't
going to let him get off that easily. She strode over to him and stood
blocking the door.

"Mulder, She said in a calmer voice. Why do you have to do this alone?"

He turned away and head bowed whispered something Scully couldn't
understand.

"What?" Scully asked taking a step closer.

"Because it was my fault." Mulder put his face in his hands and as he
sank to the floor, his frail body was wracked with sobs.

"Mulder..." Scully sighed as she walked around him and sitting beside him
pulled him to her. He didn't protest this time, and as he shook she
gently stroked his hair and softly rocked him. "Mulder, you are /not/ to
blame.

"But I am."

"How Mulder? How are you to blame?"

"Because I didn't fight him. I was too drunk and weak to fight him."

"Mulder, you couldn't fight him. He had a gun to your head..."

"Right! My gun! He had /my /gun to my head. And how did he get it?
Because I was drunk!"

"Well then Mulder, you might as well blame me too because it was our
argument that made you decide to get drunk!"

"Scully, you know I don't blame you."

"Mulder...I know that, but don't you see how ridiculous you're being? You
got drunk. So what? You didn't ask to be assaulted. You didn't walk
around with a big neon sign with an arrow that said 'Take Me! Please, I
want to be attacked.'" It happened. If you hadn't been there, it would
have happened to someone else, whether they were drunk or not. You are
/not/ to blame Mulder, any more then /I/ am, and since you assure me
that I'm not, I am assuring you that you're not. You don't have to do
this alone Mulder. I'm here, every step of the way, and you're not
getting rid of me. You know how stubborn I can be!"

"I plead the fifth." Mulder said with mock seriousness.

Scully smiled. "Can we get off the floor now?"

"I would very much like to get off the floor. I think I should attach a
piece of wood to my ass. That way whenever I feel the need to kiss the
floor, I don't have far too go."

"Oh, so you're going to chase your ass like a dog? Can I watch?"

"Only if I can chase yours after."

"You can kiss my ass!"

"Promise?"

"Later. Right now, I think you better go to bed."

Mulder got serious again at the mention of sleep. "Scully, I don't want
to. I...I had the dream again before you came back. That's why I was in
the bathroom. I...I got nauseous, but I couldn't throw up. I got dizzy
from the constant dry heaving and past out. That's when you walked in.
Come to think of it Scully, why did you come back so soon? You said
you'd be back around 5."

Scully didn't know how to answer. She considered telling him Skinner
said she could take time off or that she couldn't concentrate, which of
course was all true, but she knew he wouldn't believer her.

"Well talk about it later Mulder."

"No Scully, tell me. Why aren't you at work?"

"Mulder..." Scully got up off the floor and started to pace. She didn't
want to tell him right now. It would upset him greatly that she saw what
had happened to him. The fact that she had even seen his prone form when
she found him had embarrassed him greatly. How was he going to react to
this? "...I...I kind of had another dream."

"What do you mean?" Mulder said warily, getting up as well and moving to
her, making her stop her pacing. It was making him dizzy."

"I hadn't slept well last night. I fell asleep at your desk and I
dreamed...I saw...I saw what happened to you," she finished in a whisper.

"But you saw as much when I was missing. What made you come here?"

"No," she said looking down. I saw it...as it was happening. I think...I
think I shared your nightmare. That's why I left the office."

"What?" Mulder whispered backing away slightly.

"I don't know how, or why Mulder, but I was there. I saw him come in
through the door and chain you to the wall. I saw him...Oh God, Mulder. I
saw him rape you." It was Scully's turn to start crying now. "I tried. I
tried to stop him but I couldn't." She said in between sobs. "I couldn't
save you. I mean, I know it was just a dream, but...I couldn't...I couldn't
stop him. I tried..."

Mulder went over to her and hugged her fiercely. "Scully, there was
nothing you could have done. There was no way for you to know where he
had taken me. You have to know that what I said was true. I don't blame
you. You do know that, don't you?"

"I know, Mulder...but how do I stop blaming myself?"

"I guess we both have our work cut out for us, huh?"

"Yeah..." Scully chuckled. "I guess we do."

"I have an idea...how 'bout we blame Diana. After all, we were fighting
because of her."

Scully smiled. "Deal."

Mulder smiled in kind. "Scully, how about we both get some sleep."

"I think that would be a great idea. Um, Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"When did you get a bed?"

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


End part 8

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


_Ties That Bind_Part 9of 11

By Stephanie Feldman
 
 

Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R.

Date: June 3, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money.
All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created
out of my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow
force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************

Dr. Adams office

3 weeks later

"So, Mulder...How are we doing today?" Dr. Adams asked.

Mulder smiled. "Good. I'm doing well, thank you."

"Has anything new happened since we last spoke?"

"No, nothing really. Just working, trying to catch up on all the files
that were left unattended since...since I was raped." Mulder finished
quietly. He still had trouble saying it. Saying that he was raped. But
he was getting better, slowly.

"Good, good. How are you doing on the personal level? With Agent Scully,
that is."

Mulder beamed with another smile. "I think that I'm the happiest that I
have ever been in my entire life." Mulder said with wonder. "And I think
that she's happy too. We haven't tried to have sex since the first time,
because I know that I'm still not ready, but we do share the same bed. I
can't imagine being without here. I love her so much." He whispered.

"I'm so happy for you, Mulder. And how is Scully doing with what's
happened and all?"

"She seems to be doing better. It was hard for her at first. For both of
us, obviously, but we're helping each other. Whenever one his having a
bad day, the other is there to support, and I think that that is what is
helping us through this. We keep each other strong. We've always had the
friendship. We will always have that, no matter what happens. I think
that friendship is most important, because it's one of the strongest tie
that you have to another person. It's the Tie that binds us together,
and for that I will always be grateful.

*****************************************************************************************************************

Annapolis, Maryland

Mulder and Scully's apartment

April 16, 1999

About two weeks after the incident with Scully, Mulder had moved into
her place. He didn't much like his apartment anymore. It was only a
reminder of the life that he'd once had, and he didn't want that memory.
It was a life without Scully, and that just wasn't acceptable anymore.
Not for Mulder, and not for Scully. A week after moving out, he sold it.
He had always felt more at home and at ease at Scully's place anyway. It
wasn't a difficult decision to make. He trashed everything that he had
except for his files, his clothing, and of course, his fish. Even
thought he always killed them, he was kind of attached to them. Gone was
the waterbed that he never really knew where it came from. Gone was the
smelly refrigerator with the moldy food. Gone was his sadness. He was
starting a new life, a happier life...a life with Scully.

"I'm home!" Mulder called as he walked in to their apartment. Home, it
sounded so right. More importantly, it felt right.

"Hey!" Scully called from the kitchen. How did your session go with Dr.
Adams?

"Same old same old. She says hello. Actually, she'd like us to go see
her together next week. I feel that it's a really good chance that
she'll approve me for field agent status."

"Mulder that's wonderful!" Scully shouted.

Scully felt arms snake around her waste and she jumped startled. "No
need to shout Scully, I'm right here. A little deaf, but right here."

Scully giggled. God, he loved it when she giggled.

"Sorry Mulder. Didn't here you come up behind me."

"Well no wonder with all your shouting." Mulder smiled as he kissed her
on the back of her head. Scully leaned into Mulder.

"Watch it G-man, or no dinner for you tonight."

"I withdraw my comment from the court your honor."

"Ha-ha, Mr. funny man."

"So, what's on the agenda for this lovely Friday evening?"

"What do you want to do?"

"This," he said turning her around and kissing her passionately on her
mouth.

"Mmmm," Scully said. "I like that."

"Me too. Let's do it again."

"No argument here."

Mulder pulled away. "Scully, are you ok?" He said feeling her forehead.

"Yeah, why?" Scully asked puzzled.

"Because I got no argument from you."

"Ooh! One of these days Mulder!"

"Right in the kisser?"

"Not if you don't watch it!"

They both smiled

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


April 23, 1999

"Mulder...I never asked, why does Dr. Adams want to speak with me as well
as you today?"

"I don't know, Scully. She never said. I suppose she'd like to meet the
woman that occupies the majority of our conversations."

"You talk about /me/ when you're there Mulder?" Scully asked incredulously.

"Of course. I'm supposed to talk about how I'm feeling and what's
helping me to cope, and it's you. I told you before that you make me a
whole person. Without you...without you, I probably wouldn't be alive. You
saved my ass so many times Scully, If you hadn't been my partner...my
friend, I wouldn't have lived long enough to /be/ raped, and if I had,
well, I wouldn't have survived. I'm here because you are. Don't you know
that you're everything to me?

Slow tears ran down Scully's face for what she felt was the millionth
time since Mulder had been taken. But for the first time they were tears
of absolute joy.

"I love you." Scully whispered.

"I love you too, Scully. I'll love you forever.

*********************************************************************************************************************

Dr. Adam's Office

20 min. later

"Agent Scully, might I say it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Thank you, Dr. Adams, It's nice to meet you as well." Scully replied,
shaking the hand the woman offered.

"Oh please, call me Gracie." She said smiling.

"Very well then, It's nice to meet you, Gracie. I must admit, I'm a
little curious to know why you asked me here." Scully said as she sat
down on the couch next to Mulder.

"Oh, nothing to worry about," Dr. Adams said laughing. "I really just
wanted to commend you for the way you stuck by Mulder, and how you
helped him. The hardest thing to do in a rape situation, I often think
is for the friends and family members to be there for the person who has
suffered. They often times can't handle it themselves, and so the victim
ends up suffering even more because the people who are supposed to be
there for them are not. I know that this has been difficult for the both
of you, and that you and Mulder were able to help each other is truly a
wonderful thing."

Mulder and Scully, who were up until now just sitting side by side took
the opportunity to look at each other and they took one another's hand
and smiled. "Thank you." They both said simultaneously, which made them
all laugh.

"I also wanted to tell you both together, because I know how Mulder
would want to share this with you, Scully. I am going to be recommending
to AD Skinner that you be allowed to return to Active Duty effective
immediately."

"I...I don't know what to say!" Mulder gasped.

"Mulder, this is where you say thank you." Scully teased.

"Scully..." Mulder warned turning to her.

"Mulder..." Scully returned giving him the eyebrow.

"Oh wow, thank you so much Dr. Adams," Mulder finally said. "You don't
know what this means to me."

"I have an idea." She replied smiling. "Well, that will be all for
today, Agents, but I still want to see you hear next Friday Agent
Mulder. Same time, same place...you know the drill."

"Yes ma'am," Mulder replied, in mock solute.

When Mulder and Scully were back in their car, Mulder turned to Scully
and said, "I feel like celebrating, how about you?"

"Sounds great Mulder. How about a nice dinner /out/ and a movie?"

"Um, actually I was thinking of going over to see your mom. I want to
talk to her about something."

"My mother's?" Scully questioned. "You /do/ know that Bill is on leave
right now and he and Beth are visiting, right?"

"Oh, good, I need to talk to him about something to." Mulder replied
cryptically.

"Mulder...I hope this is not your idea of a celebration. You know how my
brother feels about you."

"I know."

"It's your death sentence. I'll call my mom." Scully sat back worried.
She didn't want to have to measure Mulder for a casket. She hoped he
knew what he was doing.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Scully residence

5:30pm

She felt like she was going to throw up. The whole ride over to her
mother's house she kept looking over at Mulder, trying to gauge what he
was planning. He would just look at her and give that innocent look as
if to say "What?" She couldn't imagine why on earth he would /want/ to
talk to Bill. Sure, she could think of /one/ reason, but that would be
like wearing a bulls eye that said "aim here." Bill /hated /Mulder with
a passion, and she honestly didn't think that Mulder wanted to be
pummeled to pieces. And the fact that they'd only /really/ been going
out for a month, it couldn't be that. Could it?

So it was with nervous knots that she said hello to her mother and
walked into her house, giving her a hug.

"Hi mom."

"Hello Dana. Fox, how are you?"

"Great Mrs. Scully. How are you?" He asked giving her a hug as well.

Scully looked on in surprise. She couldn't remember seeing Mulder hug
her mom. Then again, the only time that Mulder ever really saw her mom
was when she was missing, and of course when Mulder was in the hospital.
She supposed that in their mutual efforts to find her, they'd grown
close. That fact made her unbelievably happy. She loved Mulder and she
wanted her mom to lover him too. She knew that her mom already
considered him a part of the family. Then again, it would take a miracle
to get Bill to even grunt towards Mulder without a look of utter hatred
on his face. She braced herself for the inevitable.

"Where's Beth and Bill?"

"They're putting the baby down for a nap. He was getting cranky."

They moved in from the doorway and Mrs. Scully closed the door.

"Can I get you two anything to drink?"

"No thank you Mrs. Scully, I'm fine."

"Oh I'll get it mom, thanks."

As Scully went off to get herself a drink, Mulder and Mrs. Scully sat in
the living room. He was unbelievably nervous. Not about asking her
mother, he was fairly sure that she'd approve. She was always so kind to
him. He felt as if she were his mother. He felt comfortable around her,
and he knew without a doubt that Scully got her strength and her ability
to love from her mother.

Just as Mulder was about to talk to Mrs. Scully though, Scully came into
the room.

"I think I'm going to go up and say hello to Bill and Beth. I'll be back
down in a few minutes."

Perfect, Mulder thought. This was it.

"Sure, Scully, we'll be here."

As Scully went upstairs, Mulder turned his attention towards Mrs. Scully.

"Mrs. Scully, there's a reason why I asked Scully if we could come here
tonight. I want...I wanted to ask you something."

"Yes Fox, go on."

"Firstly, I think you know how I feel about Dana." He paused to collect
his thoughts. "The fact is, I love her. I suppose that I always have.
We've been the best of friends since we first met 6 1/2 years ago, and I
can't imagine where I'd be if we'd never met. I don't want to. She...your
daughter is such an unbelievable woman, Mrs. Scully. For her strength,
and her courage, her intelligence and her beauty, inside and out. What
I'm trying to say is...I want to ask Dana to marry me." Mulder took a deep
breath and finally met Mrs. Scully's eyes. She was smiling, and he felt
at ease at once. "Of course convincing Bill not to kill me is going to
be a little difficult, but it's one of the reasons I'm here tonight. I'm
prepared to talk to him, to try to explain to him what it is that Dana
and I do, and why. I'm just hoping that he'll hear me out."

"Fox...I'm so happy for you two. You know how fond I am of you, and to see
you two so happy...well, you definitely have my blessing. I know that
Melissa and Bill Sr. would be happy as well if they were here. I know
that they're smiling down on us right now. As with Bill jr....good luck."
Mrs. Scully said with a smile.

"Thanks," Mulder said. "I'll need it."

Mrs. Scully rose off the couch and went to the stairs.

"Dana honey, Beth, Bill, could you come down here a minute?"

"What are you doing?" Mulder asked.

Mrs. Scully just winked at him.

"Sure mom, what is it? Scully asked.

"Could you and Beth help me prepare dinner? And Bill, you can entertain
Fox, I'm sure." She said

"Umm, ok." Scully said nervously. Both she and Beth looked from Bill to
Mulder. Mulder just barely heard Scully whisper to Bill, "Be nice." Bill
grunted.

************************************************************************************************************

Once Beth and Scully were in the kitchen, Mulder took a deep breath and
walked over to Bill. He offered his hand, but Bill just stared at him.

"Mr. Scully," Mulder began, "I was hoping that I would get the chance to
talk to you about something."

"What is it? What's wrong with Dana now?"

"Nothing...nothing is wrong," Mulder sighed. "Can we go outside and talk
about this? I don't want Dana to hear."

"Fine."

Now that they were outside, Mulder felt a little calmer. There was less
of a chance of Scully over hearing, and he didn't feel so trapped. Being
outside meant that he could run if he needed to. Hopefully, he wouldn't
need to.

"What did you want to talk about, Mr. Mulder?"

"You asked me a while back what this quest was that I am on. I gave you
an answer, but now I want to tell you the full extent of it. I want you
to understand why it is that your sister and I get into the situations
that we get into, and why Dana is so adamant about continuing on in this
line of work."

"Go on."

"I told you how I had lost my sister as well to this thing that I am
searching for, but that isn't the whole truth. My sister is the reason
that I am on this quest."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was twelve years old she was...she was taken from our home. By who
or what, at that time I didn't know. I still don't. She was eight years
old when she went missing. We haven't seen her since. As I got older, I
followed my father into his line of work, which of course is the
government. I was a criminal profiler with a background in psychology.
It wasn't before long that I stumbled upon these files that only I was
willing to investigate. By this time I had undergone regression
hypnotherapy. I was in the room when my sister was taken, but I had
blocked it out. I wanted so desperately to know what had happened to
her, so I was regressed, and whether or not it's the truth, or these
thoughts were given to me...or of course I could just be insane, I came to
believe that she was taken by people from another planet." He looked up
to see Bill's reaction. Bill was looking at him with the "Scully look."
Wonderful, he thought, another one with the eyebrows.

"Anyway...These files, were of the paranormal type. I figured that it was
possibly a way to find out what had happened to my sister. These stories
I was reading were similar to my own, and so I began to investigate
them. About 4 years after I transferred to the X-Files division, me
being the only person in that division, Dana, your sister was assigned
to assist me. Actually, she was sent to spy on me, although she didn't
know this. She was to write reports on the validity of my
investigations. She was to debunk my findings through scientific
investigative avenues. But she didn’t' do this. Over the years, she has
truly become my partner, in every sense of the word. She has been honest
in her findings, and as I have, she has fought to find the truth of what
is going on. In our search, we have found evidence of a group of
government officials who seek to hide the truth, whatever that may be.
They are responsible for Melissa's death, and Dana's cancer, and they
are responsible for the death of my own father; because of what we have
found, Dana and I. These men too are now dead. What ever it is that is
out there, it's important, important enough for these men to want to
suppress the evidence. And that means stopping Dana and me from
investigating. Whether you believe in aliens or not, I have to believe
that Dana and I are onto something big, or else why all the bother to
stop us? Why kill my father and Melissa, who was shot by accident?"

"This is why Dana won't stop looking for the truth, and why she follows
me into danger. Because something is going on within the government,
something big, and we are trying to stop it, and to bring these men to
justice. I know that you do not disapprove of her working in this line
of work due to the fact that she's a woman. It's because she's your
sister, and you don’t want to see her get hurt. I know how you feel. I
don't ever want to see Dana get hurt again, and believe me when I say
that I would gladly put my own life on the line to save hers. But this
is her quest now too. Not because she believes in aliens, and not
because she feels she owes me anything. It's because she wants to find
out the truth, and I respect her for that; you should too."

Bill sighed. "Mr. Mulder, I appreciate your candor, and your honesty
with everything that you've told me, and you're right, I don't want to
see her get hurt, but the fact of the matter is that she does, and that
kills me inside. I know that you appreciate that."

"I do, but all I can say is that in the end, Dana is going to do what
she feels she must and neither you or I will ever have a say in that
matter. She's her own person."

"Mr. Mulder, Is there another reason you asked to speak with me?"

"Yes, there is." Here it goes, he thought.

"Umm...a little over a month ago, I was...I was attacked. I was missing for
about 3 days, and in that time I was beaten and abused...sexually." Mulder
paused to catch his breath and he cleared his throat before continuing.
"Your sister found me...she saved my life, and perhaps my sanity. I tried
to push her away because I knew that she was suffering too, but she
wouldn't go. She stuck by me and helped me through easily the worst time
of my life. I'm not telling you this out of want for sympathy. What I'm
telling you this for is because through this I let myself admit how I
feel for you sister. I have known for quite some time that I love her. I
don't know when I came to realize this, but I never told her because I
didn't think that she felt the same way about me and I didn't want to
loose her friendship. After she found me, she told me that she loves me
too, and finally I told her. I told her at one point in our relationship
that she makes me a whole person. That I wouldn't be me without her and
that's the truth. I love her with all of my heart and with everything
that I am. The reason I'm telling you this is because I want to ask Dana
to marry me. I've never loved anyone as much as I love your sister.
She's my heart and my soul, and she's the reason that I'm able to
continue on this quest of mine, of ours. It's because she loves me and
has faith in me. I wanted to ask you for your blessing, and I knew that
unless I explained these things to you I would never get it. I don't
know that I will get it now but I'm trying because I respect you and
your relationship with Dana, and I don't want to compromise it. Please
consider what I've told you, Mr. Scully. She has no idea that I'm
talking to you about this, or that I'm planning on proposing to her. I
love your sister very much, so much that I'd risk bodily harm from you
to make you understand just how much.

"Mr. Mulder, what you've told me is a lot to take in. I thank you again,
for telling me all that you have. It is evident how you feel for each
other. I've seen it in her eyes, and in yours. I don't believe that you
would intentionally put her in harms way, and I know that I can not stop
her from marrying you if that's what she wants. You're right, she is her
own person. You're a good person, and whatever it is that they are
hiding, if it is anything at all, I wish you luck in your search. I give
you my blessing because I know that to do otherwise would hurt Dana
deeply. Please watch after her because so help me if anything happens..."

"Believe me, if anything happens, you won't have the chance to do
anything because I'll be dead too."

"OK then. I think that we should get inside before the girls get
suspicious."

And with that, they shook hands and headed inside for dinner.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


8:30pm

Everyone sat around the living room heavily engrossed in conversation.
Scully couldn't believe how well things were going. Dinner had been
eaten in a comfortable silence, as it seemed her mother, Mulder, and her
brother were all busy thinking about something. Scully knew that Mulder
had talked to Bill about something, but every time she questioned Mulder
about it, he'd shrug it off as /man talk/...whatever that meant, and
anyway, when had they become so chummy? She vowed to herself that she'd
get to the bottom of it...whatever it was.

So here they were, having dessert and talking, like she always hoped it
would be, and she had to smile to herself. Mulder caught the smile and
leaned in to question.

"What's going on?"

"Oh nothing. Just thinking that this was a great idea to come here
tonight."

"Yea, I'm having a great time." Mulder agreed.

That only made Scully smile more. She wanted so much for her family to
get along with Mulder. Especially Bill, because she knew how he felt,
and she feared that Bill would never except him as a part of her life.
She hoped she was wrong.

**************************************************************************************************************

10:13pm

"Good night sweetie."

"'Night mom. I'll call you." Scully said as she hugged her mother goodbye.

"Goodnight Fox. It was great having you here."

Mulder hugged her goodbye, and he was about to pull away when she
whispered in his ear.

"Good luck."

He smiled at her, but not before he caught the look that Scully gave
him. He read it loud and clear. It said, "/What /is going /on/?" He
ignored it.

"Thanks Mrs. Scully. Dinner was wonderful."

"I'm glad you liked it. Please come over again."

"I don't think that'll be a problem. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Fox, Dana."

With that, they left. Once they were in the car, Scully turned towards
Mulder and arms crossed, face stern said, "ok...out with it. What is going
on?"

"What do you mean."

"You know what I mean Mulder. All night you and mom have been looking at
each other as if you're ten years old and you have a secret that no one
else is supposed to know about. And then there's you and Bill. You too
were practically buddies tonight, and last time you saw each other, he
wanted to rip your head off. What the heck did you two talk about?"

"Scully...I have no idea what you're talking about." Mulder replied. "I
just told him that I was sorry for past arguments and that I hoped we
could put it behind us. As for you mother, I /really/ don't know what
you're talking about."

"You're lying."

"Scully! Would I lie to you?"

"Yes."

Mulder feigned a shocked look.

"Mulder, you're not getting away with this. I want to know what's going
on."

"Well, then you're going to have a long wait, because I don't know what
to tell you."

"Fine, whatever."

Mulder glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. He smiled to himself
and just kept driving.

******************************************************************************************************************

11:00pm

"Mulder...where are we going? We should have been home 15 minutes ago."

 

"We're not going home."

"We're not. Then where might I ask are we going?"

Scully was still a little agitated by the fact that Mulder was hiding
something from her. He was up to something, and damned if she wasn't
going to find out what it was.

"You'll see."

"Mulder. I'm tired, and I just want to go home to sleep. It's been a
long day."

"But we haven't celebrated yet."

"Celebrated? What did we just do?"

"That was dinner with your family. Did we celebrate something and I
missed it?"

"Mulder, would you /please/ tell me what's going on?"

"Nope."

"No. Will you tell me where we're going?"

"Sure."

"Well?" Scully said raising her eyebrows.

"Well what?

"Where are we going?!"

"Oh...To the office."

"To the office?" Scully shouted surprised. "Why on earth are we going
there?"

"Oh, I can't tell you that."

"Why not?"

"I can't tell you that either, Scully. Don't worry. You'll see soon
enough."

"Scully sat back exasperated. She was getting even more tired by the
minute.

********************************************************************************************************

11:21pm

"OK Mulder, /now /will you tell me /please/ what we're doing here?"

"Just a second Scully. Here," he said pulling her chair out to the
middle of the room, and placing his chair so that it was facing hers.
"Sit down."

Scully looked at him warily, but sat as he asked and as she sat down, he
took a seat in his chair. He rolled his chair closer so that they were
barely separated and took her hands in his.

"Scully, I need to talk to you about something."

Oh no, Scully thought, something's wrong. He's too serious all of a sudden.

"Mulder, What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Mulder replied smiling. "Nothing is wrong Scully. I just...I
need to tell you something."

"Go on."

"When I first started on the X-Files, as you know, I worked alone. I
preferred it that way because I could come and go as I pleased, and I
didn't have anyone to tell what I was doing. Except of course, for my
superiors. Then you came a long. At first, I didn't know what to think.
I thought you were a spy."

"Mulder, I know all of this already..."

"Patience, Scully, patience."

"Sorry."

"Anyway...through the years that we've worked together Scully, I've come
to trust you more then I have ever trusted anyone in my entire life. I
trust you /with /my life and you have never let me down. You have always
been there for me, putting yourself in harms way in the process, risking
your relationship with your family, especially Bill, and loosing your
sister and a daughter. I...I don't know /anyone/ who would do that...except
you. You have fought for almost 7 years now, by my side not because you
believe in my beliefs, but because you believe that whatever the truth
is, it is out there, and you want to find it, as I do. You have no idea,
what an amazing person you are."

"Mulder..."

"Wait, please Scully, let me finish. Last year, I told you that you make
me a whole person. I told you that I didn't think that I could continue
on my quest without you. Well, that holds true still today, but it also
holds true in the sense that I can't imagine my life without you. I
don't want to. You make me a better person, a better FBI agent, and a
better man. I brought you here tonight Scully, because this is where we
first met, and that's a day that I never want to forget, and I want to
spend the rest of my life with you, starting today." Mulder paused to
take a small velvet box out of his pocket. "Scully, would you do me the
honor of becoming my wife?"

Scully just sat there in shock, tears running down her face. She knew
that Mulder love her, but she never thought that he wanted to marry her.
Not so soon after they'd finally admitted their feelings for each other.

"Mulder..." she gasped. "We just started really dating."

"Scully, I have spent at least the last five years denying how I have
felt about you, not only to you, but to myself. I don't want to do it
anymore. We've been dating for a long time. We just never admitted it.
Everyone else saw it when we didn't. I don't want to date you anymore. I
want to marry you. I want to be with you forever."

Scully took the box and opened it. Inside was the most beautiful diamond
solitaire that she'd ever seen. It was classic and classy.

"It's beautiful." Scully breathed.

"Just like you."

Scully looked up at Mulder, tears shinning in her eyes. She handed the
box back to Mulder.

"Scully...?" Mulder asked, doubt and fears swimming in his eyes.

"Mulder, I thought that maybe you'd want to put it on me."

Mulder nearly passed out. He let out the breath that he hadn't known
he'd been holding and carefully taking the ring out of the box, he
placed it on Scully's finger.

"Scully, will you marry me?"

"Yes, Mulder. I will."

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************


End of Part 9

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************


_Ties That Bind_Part 10 of 11

By Stephanie Feldman
 
 

Rating: NC17 for graphic language, and violence; Rape.

Classification: MSR, SA, MA, R

Date: June 6, 1999

Spoilers: Everything up until and including season 6 (US)

Disclaimers:

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Margaret Scully as well as any other XF
characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am merely
borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void within
myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no money.
All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are created
out of my own sick and twisted mind.

Summary:

Walking home one night, Mulder is attacked and the events that follow
force him to realize the feelings that he harbor for Scully.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************

It all had begun almost eight years ago. It had begun without them
knowing it, the events that had brought them to where they were now. It
had all begun with one decision, made by a young woman who would forever
change the life of one man, a man who would do the same for her.
Together, they would change the lives of many, but first, they had to
change their own. One thought ran through her head as she stood in the
dressing room gazing at her own image in the mirror, words that were
spoken to her in a long past moment of fear and uncertainty. "You never
know who you're going to meet at the FBI." She hadn't known the truth of
those words at that moment. That simple little sentence that hinted to
her all that was to come. So much had changed in those eight years. So
much had been lost, but still so more had been gained, friendship,
knowledge, validation, and most of all love.

Scully still looked at herself in the mirror. Imagining that she was
looking at her sister, she said a silent prayer.

"Missy...you were so right...about many things, but one in particular. You
told me often that I was closed off, that I never let anyone in. I knew
you were right then, but I couldn't admit it. Instead I'd get angry with
you because it was the only true reaction that I could have. You also
told me that the people I'd meet would change my life, and I theirs.
Sometimes I wonder if you weren't truly psychic...if such a thing exists.
I miss you so much Melissa. I wish you were here. I know you saw how
Mulder and I felt for each other. It seems it was obvious to everyone
but us. Why is that? I'm so happy right now Melissa. I know that God is
shinning down on Mulder and me. We finally found our happiness...in each
other. Two lost souls who found their way in their union."

Scully closed her eyes and smiled. She turned around at the feel of a
hand on her shoulder, but no one was there. She could smell the faint
hint of jasmine in the air; it was how Melissa always smelled. Scully
smiled.

"I love you too, Missy."

*********************************************************************************************************

Sunday, November 7, 1999

St. Mary's Church

11:00am

Scully stood just outside the doors waiting for them to tell her it was
time to walk. Each time that the doors would open, she'd peek down the
aisle to catch a glimpse of him. He looked absolutely stunning. Scully
glanced at the man standing beside Mulder. She still couldn't believe
that he'd asked him to be his best man, although he looked like he was
having the time of his life. Skinner looked dashing in his tuxedo but he
couldn't compare to Mulder, her soon to be husband. She wondered if
she'd still call him Mulder. Then she laughed. She couldn't imagine ever
calling him Fox. It didn't seem like it fit him. He was more unique then
that, and Fox was definitely unique. No. It would forever be Mulder. She
remembered back to the first time that she tried to call him Fox. He'd
laughed nervously and told her that he had even made his parents call
him Mulder. She'd never tried to call him anything else again. She also
remembered the conversation they'd had, and it played again in her mind.

"Scully...if there's and iced tea in that bag...could be love."

"Must be fate Mulder..."

Maybe it /was/ fate that had brought them together, and maybe even back
then, she had loved him.

"Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone but you."

Scully smiled.

"What are you smiling at?"

Scully looked up into warm eyes. They were eyes that mirrored her own
happiness.

"Just thinking about how happy I am."

"Seeing you happy makes me happy. I'm so proud of you Dana."

Scully was about to respond when the doors opened, and it was her turn
to walk down the aisle. She took a deep breath as he placed his arm in
hers and together, She and Bill started the walk down the aisle.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Mulder stood there waiting for the doors to open so that he could see
Scully. From his vantage-point he couldn't see her when she peeked
through though she could see him. He briefly glanced at the person
standing beside him. He could still remember the AD's reaction when they
told him that they were getting married.

"Well it's about time."

"Excuse me sir?" Mulder and Scully had asked confused. The had been
expecting to be split up. They hadn't thought that marriage between
partners would be allowed.

"Scully, Mulder...for all of the talent and knowledge that you two have
shown over the past 61/2 years in your investigations, you could never
see what was in front of your own eyes and in your hearts, that which
you let everyone else see on a day to day basis."

"But sir," Scully said. "What about the rule against Agents getting
involved with each other?"

"Scully, that rule was made too keep agents from getting so attached to
their partners that it made them careless. With you two...you've been to
hell and back on numerous occasions and you always come back stronger.
That rule doesn't apply to you two. But..." He broke off looking at each
one separately, but longer and sterner at Mulder..."That rule against
agents consorting in a motel room while on case still applies!"

At that, they all broke into hysterical laughter.

Mulder Smiled to himself. He thought about all the times they'd been in
danger, and it was true...they'd always come back stronger. The first time
he'd lost her though, he thought he'd never be able to go on. He now
knew that he wouldn't have.

November 7, 1994...It was a day that would live in his mind forever. It
was the day that she had been returned to him after Duane Barry had
taken her. The day that he knew that if she never survived, he would go
on if only to kill the people who had put her in that condition. But she
had survived, and come back to him. And that was why he had chosen this
day to get married. November 7, 1999...it was the day that they'd seal
their lives together forever. They would truly be one, one heart...and one
soul.

He only wished that Samantha were here. It was the one thing that could
make this day perfect. He missed her so much. Sometimes, he didn't know
if he believed that she was still alive, but she had to be. He'd know if
she weren't, he would feel it.

What was taking so long? Mulder looked at his watch for what must have
been the umpteenth time. He felt his heart pounding in his chest. He
couldn't wait to see her. He knew that she'd be absolutely gorgeous in
her White gown, which would offset her hair beautifully, and accent her
pail skin and blue eyes.

Finally, the doors opened. Scully stood there, arm in arm with her
brother...and she took his breath away.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


So here they both were she thought. Seven years after becoming partners,
perhaps five years after falling in love and they were finally crossing
that final bridge in their partnership and becoming truly partners,
Husband and wife. It didn't sound as strange as she had once thought.
The thought of becoming Mrs. Mulder...Mrs. Spooky only brought her smiles.

"Are you happy?" Mulder asked from beside her.

"Oh Mulder...I am so unbelievably happy." She whispered still smiling.

"I'm glad. I only want happiness for you."

"Mulder...even in the worst times over the past seven years, I was happy
because you were there. You were with me."

"I love you so much Scully."

"I love you too. Now shhh...the man's speaking." She said gesturing toward
Father McCue.

"Who gives this woman to this man?" Father McCue began.

"I do." Replied Bill and then placing a brief hand on Scully's shoulder
went to take his seat beside his mother and brother.

Knowing Scully must be thinking of her sister right now, he whispered.
"She's hear, Scully...watching over you and I believe she's happy. I can
feel her around us." And he could.

"I know," she said. "I can feel her too."

"I have known Dana for all of her life..." Father McCue continued. "I have
watched her grow from a little girl into a beautiful young woman and the
wonderful person she is. I have counseled her when she needed it and
she's helped me as well as many others in this world. I have known this
man, Fox for a shorter time but in that time I have come to see that he
is every bit as wonderful as this woman is, compassionate and loving, I
can see that he cares for this woman deeply. I've seen it since we first
met a couple of years ago, and I see it still now."

Mulder and Scully looked at each other. "I have always loved you
Scully." Mulder said. "I will always love you. I could never love anyone
else. You have my heart, and you have my soul. Scully, you are my soul
mate. I feel it, and I'm as sure of it as I am that you are standing
here with me. We'll always be together, souls mate eternal."

"Mulder...If there is reincarnation...then I believe it too. Even before I
loved you, I felt a bond between us. Even that first day when I first
met you, I felt that our partnership was right. It was true. I had never
felt that sure about anything before in my life. I was even unsure about
joining the FBI. But I've never had any doubts about us. I've never had
any doubts about you. You are my soul mate, eternally.

Smiling and with tears in their eyes they turned once more to the altar
where the father was still talking.

"So it is with pride and honor that I join together these two hearts,
and these two souls. May you two find only happiness in your life
together."

"Thank you." They said in unison.

"Well then, if there be anyone who objects to this union, speak now or
forever hold your peace."

"The ring please." Skinner stepped forward and handed Mulder the shinny
gold band. He turned to Scully and looked deep into her eyes. "Do you,
Fox William Mulder, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife to
have and to hold, to honor and to cherish, for rich or for poor, in
sickness and in heath as long as you both shall live and till death do
you part?"

"I do." He said placing the ring on her finger. He took her hands in his
and she squeezed them.

Beth stepped forward next and gave Scully the matching band for his finger.

"Do you, Dana Katherine Scully, take this man to be your lawfully wedded
husband to have and to hold, to honor and to cherish, for rich or for
poor, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live and till
death do you part?"

"I do." She said, placing the ring on his finger as he had hers. They
stared at each other for long moments, as if they were never going to
see each other again. He wanted to remember how she looked at this
moment. She was so happy right now. He never wanted this happiness to
end, and with her, he knew it never would. It was as she had said. Even
through all of the hard times they'd suffered...they were happy because
they were together. And now they'd be together forever.

"With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. I
believe you know the rest."

It was just the two of them now. They were the only two people left in
the world it seemed. All they could do was stare at each other and
slowly, never breaking eye contact, they moved in to one another. Mulder
cupped her face in his hands and as they kissed, Mulder could swear he
heard the angels singing.

 

 

The End

 

*************************************************************************************************


But don't fear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is an epilogue coming.

J

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************


 _Ties That Bind- _Epilogue

By Stephanie Feldman

 

Archive: Anywhere...just ask first

Rating: NC17 for sex, sex and more sex.

Classification: MSR, RST

Date: June 15, 1999

Spoilers: See part 1

Disclaimers:

Mulder and Scully, belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I am
merely borrowing them to toy with their emotions and to fill some void
within myself that seeks fulfillment. Please don't sue me, as I have no
money. All characters independent of The X-Files belong to me, and are
created from my own imagination.

Summary: Mulder and Scully are finally married....LET'S GET IT ON! (It's
honeymoon time!)

Note: This portion of the story contains material that is NC17 in
nature. If you are not of legal age...(17 in this case) Do not read this
part. I take no blame in corrupting young minds.

Pure mind candy follows.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************


A remote island somewhere in the world

(yes...this world) J

Scully slowly opened her eyes. She felt wonderful. She couldn't remember
a time in her life when she felt better. It was like everything was
finally falling into place. True, everything was the same as it always
had been...the conspiracies were still present and growing, it seemed, and
she and Mulder were constantly in danger, but they were together. They
were married. She turned the word over in her mind for a few minutes
letting it's meaning fully sink in, and then she turned over onto her
left side to see Mulder snuggled up close to her, a peaceful smile
playing across his face, eyelashes fluttering slightly as he dreamed.
The light streaming in through the window glanced off him playfully,
highlighting that one lock of hair that was forever hanging down over
his forehead. She gently brushed it aside and as she did so his lids
slowly opened and his eyes found hers. He looked at her tenderly and she
leaned forward and placed one long kiss on his lips. He brought his
hands up to cup her face and deepened the kiss and then easily and with
no thought moved on top of her. They hadn't made love yet since that
first night when circumstances saw fight to stop them. After their
flight the previous day they'd been too exhausted and just went to
sleep. Plus, Mulder could tell that Scully still didn't think that he
was ready. But he was. And this time he was sure about it.

But Scully stopped him. "Mulder...

"Scully...I'm ready. I'm perfectly fine." He said smiling down on her,
bending down to kiss the tip of her nose.

"But Mulder are you sure?" She asked uncertainly, remembering the last
time she asked him this same question. She couldn't bare to see him go
through that again. And she wouldn't be able to take it.

"I'm positive." Mulder assured, still smiling.

"Mulder, if it's ok...I think you should take it easy. Come on now...I'm a
doctor." Scully said rolling out from under him and standing up.

"Scully..." Mulder started tiredly. "I said I'm fine." Mulder turned
around to find Scully standing there staring at him with her hands on
her hips...and she was naked.

"Scully?"

"Mulder...now as your /personal/ doctor, I say that you need a lot of bed
rest. After all...the past few days have been incredibly stressful, what
with last minute wedding arrangements, the wedding itself, of course,
and the plain ride...very stressful." Scully finished shaking her head.
She walked over to Mulder who was just sitting there, mouth agape
staring at her. She pushed him gently back so that his head was resting
on the pillow and climbed over him. "Now just lie back..." she teased..."and
let Dr. Scully take care of everything."

"Yes Doctor." Mulder choked out. "What else to you recommend?"

"Well...I think that your muscles need to relax. You seem kind of tense
all of a sudden. I suggest, a deep muscle massage and...let's see," Scully
paused, sitting back on Mulder's upper thighs, lips pursed. "I think
that lots and lots of kisses are in order."

"Sounds like a game plan doctor. How do you propose we begin?"

"Well, it looks as if someone's begun already!" Scully replied looking
down.

Mulder followed her eyes and smiled. "Yeah, um.../Spooky /has been ready
for a while now."

"Hmmm...I see." Said Scully. "Well, we mustn't keep him waiting /too/ much
longer." She said raising her eyebrows. "I suggest we start with the
kisses and move on to the massage from there." Then, as if in slow
motion, Scully, placing her hands and legs on either side of him moved
up and started placing soft kisses on him. First his lips, and then down
slowly over his chest, curling her fingers in the light fluff of hair
growing in the middle of his chest.

Mulder groaned at the feel of her soft lips as they blazed a trail of
fire down his chest and then down farther to his stomach. He reached
down to run his hands through her hair. He had to touch her. He wanted
to taste her, and to feel himself inside her. He wanted to hear /her/
groan as the fire built inside of her.

"Scully..." he moaned.

"Mmm..." she said looking up. She had a devilish smile on her face. "Tasty."

Then she looked down again and set her sights on her next course of
action...the massage.

Mulder closed his eyes in bliss as Scully gently took hold of his penis
in her petite hands and slowly started the /massage/. Scully looked up
to see his head thrown back slightly, and Mulder biting his lower lip.
Mulder felt Scully start to run her finger tips up and down the shaft of
his penis, then up and over the head swirling the little bit of pre-cum
around. Then all movement stopped and he felt her entire hand go around
him. He opened his eyes in time to see her lowering her head as she took
him into her mouth. He through back his head again as he felt his hips
rise off of the bed, almost of their own accord, pushing farther into
heaven. He felt her tongue as it moved around the base of his penis and
then up to the tip as her fingers had before. Blinding flashes of light
shot through his head at the feel of the sandpapery texture of her
tongue. No, he thought. He was getting to the point of no return and he
didn't want it to be like this. He wanted to be inside her when he came.
He wanted her to know what she does to him. He wanted her to feel it.

"Scully...wait." He pleaded.

But before he could stop her, she moved her hand down and gently
squeezed his balls.

Mulder's hips shot up and his eyes popped open. He was hanging on by
barely a thread.

"Scully, stop!"

Scully looked up worried. Had she pushed him too far?

"What Mulder, what's wrong?"

"Not like this...inside...I want to be inside you." Mulder managed to get out.

Scully smiled. Well why didn't you say so? She joked.

Mulder just glared at her, but before she could do anything, he lunged
at her. Scully cried out as Mulder took a hold of her shoulders and
flipped her over so that he was on top.

"Mulder!" She shouted laughing.

"So, Scully...would you say that you're head over heels for me?" He asked
smiling.

"I'd say you're /heads/ above the rest."

Mulder groaned. "That was really bad, Scully."

"No worse then your usual, Mulder," Scully replied as she brushed her
stomach up against his penis.

Mulder groaned again, and with one swift movement he was inside her.
Scully sighed at the feel of him filling her. It was true. They were
made for each other. It was so right. She was complete now. For the
first time in her life, everything felt right.

She heard Mulder sigh and she looked into his eyes. He was looking at
her with so much love it was almost over-whelming.

"Scully..."

"I know Mulder. I love you too."

They smiled and then with agonizing slowness, Mulder moved out and then
back in. Then out and back in again, still at the same slow pace. They
were still looking in each other's eyes. Mulder bent down and placed a
kiss on her nose, and Scully reached up and rapped her arms around his
neck. They kissed long and hard, still keeping up the same pace. Scully
moved her hips up to meet his with each thrust and still they never
broke eye contact. He wanted to watch her face as she came, and he
wanted her to see how he saw her in his eyes, beautiful, intelligent,
strong, and passionate.

They were both breathing heavily now and it was becoming increasingly
difficult to maintain the slow pace. Mulder wanted it to last forever.
He never wanted this feeling to end. He took Scully's face in his hands
and she moved her hands around his waste, pulling him closer. Then, she
wrapped her legs around his hips, bringing him deeper inside her.

"Scully..." he groaned. He couldn't hold on any longer. He had to speed up
the pace. He felt like he was about to burst into a million pieces.

"Mulder...it's ok...let go. Just let go."

Scully gasped as Mulder thrust hard into her speeding up the rhythm, and
she sped up to meet him. Scully was climbing just as fast as Mulder was
and it was becoming harder by the second to prolong the inevitable.
Scully felt Mulder speed up even more as his body began to shudder with
the oncoming orgasm. She was not far behind.

Mulder couldn't hold out any longer. He felt the waves of the Orgasm as
rippled up through his groin. Squeezing both his eyes shut he grunted as
he thrust once more into her and he was soaring. He felt Scully come
almost immediately after him and soon they were falling together. Mulder
sank back down to the bed and as they both got their breathing under
control, he rolled both of them over so that they could be face to face
without him crushing her. They were still joined.

Mulder forced his eyes open to look at her.

There was a thin sheen of sweat covering her face and darkening her
hairline. She was glistening like fresh snow in the sunlight. There was
a look of pure pleasure on her face, and he smiled. He wrapped his arms
around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

Scully could feel him smiling into her chest. She snaked her arms around
him and pulled him closer still.

Mulder pulled away from Scully just enough so that he could look at her.
He found that she was looking at him.

"See Mulder...I told you that all you needed was some bed rest."

"Scully, that kind of bed rest could put me in traction."

Scully burst out laughing. Then they kissed again.

Scully pulled a way after a minute. "Excuse me a second Mulder. I have
to go use the little Dr.'s room."

"Scully...you're not going to put on that green shit again are you?"

Scully looked at Mulder confused. "Green...oh! The face mask?" She asked
remembering the case when they had to go undercover as a married couple.
How ironic she thought.

"Yea. The face mask." Mulder replied nervously.

"What, you didn't like it?"

Mulder shuddered.

"No Mulder," Scully laughed. "No face mask. Just going to the bathroom."

Mulder sighed relieved. Things like that would give him a heart attack
someday, he thought.

Scully came back not five minutes later and crawled back into bed. She
looked over at the clock. 11:21am.

"You know Mulder, we slept for 10 hours last night and I'm still
exhausted..." She joked yawning in the process.

"Gee, Scully...wonder why." He said laughing.

Scully smiled and turned to Mulder.

"Remember when we were on that case last year, when we had to pretend we
were married?" When Mulder nodded, she continued. "Remember what you
said to Shroeder?"

When Mulder looked at her confused, she turned over so that her back was
facing him and scooted back so that her body was curled up inside of
his. She wrapped his arms around her stomach.

"Oh...that." He said smiling. "We just spooned up like little baby cats
and fell asleep."

And they did.

 

 

JTHE END J

 

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