Title: YES I AM Posted 8/3/02 Author: FatCat (feedback to FatCat926@msn.com) Rating: PG for fanciful, lusty images (a new category?) Category: V MSR, Scully angst, Mulder Angst Spoilers: No Requiem, season 8 or season 9 in this world Archive: As you wish, but please keep my name attached. Summary: Mulder discovers a secret side of Scully he never dreamed existed. Disclaimer: They aren't mine nor anyone's but CC, Fox, 1013, DD, and GA's. Hats off to Melissa Etheridge who inspired this story. Her works are used without permission-no infringement intended. Scullleee.... come on! Scully, I need you! I'm dying in here, Scully! Dana? Daaaannnaa? Damnit, Scully! I'm bored. Scully, quit ignoring me!" Dana Scully sighed as she closed her eyes. Mulder was finally feeling good enough to be a pain. He was healing and consequently awake enough to be bored. The only thing that kept her from taking her weapon and shooting him was the memory of him lying still and lifeless, blood pooling under him from multiple gun shot wounds. This had been a close call. A needless close call at that. Tom Colton requested them as part of the team chosen to bust a local narcotics ring. Colton swore that intel had not found any evidence of guns let alone the armament that the gang had exhibited. When the bust went down, the return of fire by semi-automatic weapons had caught the taskforce in a cross fire that had taken the lives of two agents, left Mulder, Colton and Briggs gravely wounded and a handful of others with various flesh wounds and broken bones. Thankfully, the three seriously wounded agents were on the mend. Dana Scully was at the nurses station, checking Mulder's chart. She wanted to be able to answer his 'When do I get out of here' question as truthfully as possible. He obviously was feeling much better. He saw her walk past his door and was being very vocal in his request for her attention. Scully switched the electronic chart off and smiled her thanks to the nurse. "Sorry about that," she apologized. "He's an extremely high energy, intelligent man and he bores easily. I'll try to make him understand the concept of quiet, but I can't make any promises." "That's all right, honey." the older woman smiled. "All the younger nurses on the floor are more than willing to help him stay occupied. I've never seen such a commotion over a patient before. But, even I can see he does have a way about him. You just caught him between shifts." "Is that so?" Scully was irked at the stab of jealousy that flashed through her. She picked up the large duffel bag and walked back towards his room. "Scully! Where have you been? I saw you walk right by and thought you weren't going to stop in and see me. Did you go see Colton first?" Mulder had his best pout face on. He didn't want to share Scully with anyone, especially Tom Colton. Before she could answer his question they were interrupted by the entrance of the nurse from hell. At least it was Scully's vision of hell. She was tall, brunette and built like a porn queen. She was exactly Mulder's type. "Fox! How are you feeling tonight?" She pushed by Scully and took his hand in both of hers. "Is there anything I can do for YOU?" she said as she stroked his hand clear up to his elbow. She slipped her fingers around his wrist and pulled his hand up to nestle between her mammoth breasts - in a pretense of taking his pulse. Scully had never seen quite that take on the procedure before. She was watching Mulder's face closely as the blush spread across his checks. His breathing became slightly erratic and his eyes seemed to be permanently glued to the healthy display of cleavage Nurse Ratchet was sporting. Before she could say a word another RN rushed into the room, shooting daggers at the brunette's back. "Oh, Betty. I think there's been a mistake made. I have this room on my rotation tonight. Mr. Swede's light is on. I'm sure he needs his bedpan again." The blonde nurse gloated as she walked to the far side of the bed and began to adjust Mulder's pillows. "How are you tonight, Fox?" she purred. Mulder smiled and helped her adjust his pillow, hand still firmly clasped to the breast of Nurse Ratchet. Scully watched the entire scenario with amazement. She had been worried about Mulder. She thought that he would be lonely and bored, but she could see that she had made an incorrect assumption. She hoisted up the duffel and slammed it down on the foot of the bed, garnering the attention of the two fawning nurses and Mulder. "I thought you might need some things to keep you occupied, Mulder, but I see that I was wrong." With that she turned on her heel and left the room. "Scully! Wait! Scully, come back!" She could hear Mulder's shouts all the way down the hall, only ending when the elevator doors cut them off. Dana Scully was surprised to find tears flowing down her cheeks. She quickly swiped them away and cleared her throat. She was a fool. Mulder needed her as a partner, but she would never be anything more than that to him. She filled the place in his heart that Samantha left, friend, partner, buddy. She didn't want to love him - want him with all her heart - but she did. She knew this, but every once in a while it still blindsided her. Maybe she should take a vacation while Mulder was off. Surely the end of the world would wait until they were both on duty. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed. Several days later, Fox Mulder was bored. He was still in the hospital but the glow of attention he had received from the staff was gone. Oh, they still occasionally stopped by his room during their spare time, but each time one of them entered and saw the look of disappointment that fell across his face when the visitor wasn't short, slim and redheaded, let them know he was as good as married. He wanted Scully, but she hadn't been back to see him in several days. Not since the day of the cat fight between nurses Betty and Marie. That day had been quite exciting, especially when the guys had walked in just as the slapping started. All four men had watched open-mouthed while the two beautiful women scuffled as if they were on the WWE. The head nurse broke up the fight and cleared the room after giving everyone there an earful. From that time on, other than the occasional visitor, his only contact with the outside world had been with Jeff, the day orderly, Robert the night orderly, and the head nurse of each shift dispensing his meds. To make things worse, Tom Colton was out of Intensive Care and was occupying the bed next to him. When Mulder had complained to AD Skinner during one of his brief visits, he had been told in no uncertain terms that their insurance would not allow him to have a private room, even if he offered to pay out-of-pocket for the difference. The wonders of Managed Care never failed to amaze him. Perhaps MC was an offshoot of the Consortium and when he managed to take them down he could destroy this sister evil as well. Skinner was able to put his mind at ease about Scully. He had pictured all sorts of horrible happenings for her, but found out that she was on vacation while he was in the hospital. He was stuck in purgatory and she was probably sucking on drinks with little umbrellas in them by the pool at some hot spot. His mind drifted to the prospect of Scully in a bathing suit - no scratch that - a bikini. An emerald green bikini. Nope, a royal blue thong bikini. He fell asleep with a vision of Scully, freckled and golden even while using number 45 sun block, rubbing sun tan lotion all over his body. "Mulder! Jesus, Mulder! What's going on over there?" Tom Colton's voice woke him up. "What?" he growled. "What the hell, Mulder. You were groaning like you were dying over there. Should I call the nurse?" Mulder swiped the final vestiges of sleep from his eyes and glared at the drawn curtain between their beds. He had requested the curtain stay closed at all time, effectively blocking any view of the outside, but also eliminating the need to look at Tom Colton's smirking face. "No, I'm okay." Mulder wasn't going to give him any more ammunition for the rumor mill if he could help it. "Are you sure?" Colton's voice sounded different - almost friendly. "Yeah, it happens sometimes." Mulder admitted. "Was it a nightmare?" Colton quietly asked. "Yeah, same shit, different day." Mulder replied, trying to deflect the questions. Colton responded with a grunt of affirmation. The dark room was quiet for a while. "I've been having them lately, too." Colton offered. When Mulder didn't respond negatively, he continued. "I keep reliving the bust. It's like I can see each bullet, you know like in that movie the Matrix? I watch as each agent is hit and I can't stop it. I can't wake up and I can't stop them from dying or being injured. Shit, the only one I don't see is the one that gets me. I keep asking myself what I could have done differently. What I should have checked or looked for before we went in. Has that ever happened to you Mulder?" Colton's voice shook with emotion. Mulder was sure he was crying silently. "Yeah, it has. Not so much anymore, but sometimes. It used to happen to me all the time when I was profiling. I wouldn't be able to shake the details of the deaths and I would dream about the case over and over until I was afraid to sleep anymore." "I guess that's why you're not profiling any more." "Yeah." "I . . . I don't know if I. . ." Colton was interrupted by Mulder. "You'll be okay. You need to talk to Dr. Reynolds. He specializes in Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and he'll help. He's not full of shit like most of the psychologists and psychiatrists here. He was in the Gulf War and knows PTSS up close and personal. He tried to go back to being a cop when he first came back, but had problems of his own to face. During his recovery he decided to help others with similar problems. You can trust him Colton, he's a straight shooter." "Thanks, Mulder." "Oh, and Colton?" "Yeah?" "Don't beat yourself up so much. I talked to Skinner and it looks like the gang had a mole inside the Intel team that was working on the bust. You did everything right. You followed the book and covered all your bases." A moment passed before a quiet "Thanks Mulder." came from behind the curtain. "But I still can't help wondering what else I could have done to prevent the deaths of Farley and Morse. I don't think I'll ever get over that." "I know this sounds like psychobabble, but that can be a good thing, Colton." "What? How the hell . . . " Colton started. "The memory of the dead agents will keep you on your toes in the future, Tom. I'm sure you'll never want to let this happen again." Mulder's last statement was met with silence. Mulder stared into the darkness deep in his own thoughts. Colton had been right, he was having a nightmare. His pleasant dream of a sunbathing Scully had morphed into a nightmare about her and another man falling in love and her leaving him and the X-Files. He knew he wasn't going to sleep anymore tonight. He could hear Colton snoring softly from behind the curtain. He had been able to get up and go to the bathroom by himself since yesterday. He carefully made the trip to the bathroom, using his IV pole as a cane. On his way back he spied the stack of books that Scully had packed in his duffel. He had quickly read through all the magazines, leaving only the paperbacks. He shuffled through the stack and was surprised to find a romance novel included. 'Scully, is this a hint?' he thought. But he doubted that this one was meant for him. She probably had stuffed it into the duffel in case she needed reading material during his down time. 'What kind of book does Agent Scully like to read?' he mused. He began thumbing through the book, obviously one passed on from a friend or a used book store. Reading the cover made the story line seem somewhat involved. The book was better written than some he had perused before, but the love scenes were just this side of pornography. Out of habit he set the book down on the bedside table on its spine, allowing it to flop open to the area most read by previous owners. It was a trick that he had picked up in England, a way to get to the good parts of any used book. The story, set in England during the 1500's was about the standard heroine, married against her will to the pillaging conqueror by the evil king. Though she fought valiantly against it, he won the heart and body of the fair maiden and they lived happily ever after. The pages that fell open described one of their many trysts. Mulder adjusted the light over his bed and settled down to read the juicy parts. An hour later, he had doubled back and began the book from the beginning. The juicy parts had left him with a craving to read the whole story. Well, actually the description of the heroine during the first hot sex scene had left him with a need to read more about the delectable Gabriella. He was surprised at how much she resembled Scully. The heroine was described as a petite, blue-eyed red head. She was strong-willed and intelligent. She had been trained to be the son that her father never had and could outthink and outfight all the men around her. All but the conqueror, Reynard - the irony of the name didn't escape him. The hero shared his height and coloring, but the description of his muscular build left Mulder feeling definitely puny. As soon as he was out of the hospital he was going to add lifting weights to his normal exercise of running and swimming, he decided. Perhaps he could put his new muscles to use with the delectable Scully. Well, a man could dream. It was well after dawn when he reached the best part of the book again. The scene was simple. The heroine had snuck out of the castle to roam the forest as she had done since childhood. She had bathed in the stream and was walking through the meadow studded with brilliant flowers when the dark visage of the hero/conqueror bore down on her on horseback. He swept her up into his arms and plopped her in front of him, on the horse he was riding bareback. They argued back and forth, banter not unlike that Mulder and Scully used. Then they kissed and it lead to one of the hottest sex scenes he had ever read. They made love right there, on the back of the horse as it cantered through the flower strewn meadow. The description of the sex was hot - hot enough to give him a massive boner. Just as he decided he had to do something to take care of the pleasure/pain he was experiencing, the door to his room opened and Jeff, the day orderly, backed into the room pulling a wheel chair and carrying his breakfast tray. "Morning Mr. Mulder. Just enough time for breakfast before your physical therapy session." Jeff boomed. Mulder had just enough time to hide the book and raise his knee to disguise his tenting problem. 'Nothing like facing physical therapy to dispel the mood.' he mused. Jeff left the room and returned quickly with Colton's tray. "Hey, Jeff, why don't you slide that curtain back so Mulder can see outside." Colton said. Mulder decided he would never be a friend to Tom Colton, but they seemed to have called a truce after last night's conversation. When Jeff looked to him for permission, he nodded. "Well, Mulder, when's Dana going to come visit next?" Colton didn't realize that this was a sore spot with Mulder. "She decided she needed some downtime and took a few days of vacation while I'm in the hospital." Mulder replied. Colton still knew how to irritate him, even when he wasn't trying. "No kidding? I'm surprised." Colton replied. "What surprises you about Scully taking a vacation?" Mulder growled. "Sorry, Mulder. I'm just used to thinking of you two as joined at the hip. I mean, if my girlfriend left me in the hospital and took a vacation, I would worry." "Scully is my partner, not my girlfriend." Mulder managed to say in an even tone of voice. "She can take vacation anytime she chooses." "No Shit?" Colton stared at him in disbelief. "Wow." "What do you mean by, 'Wow'?" "I mean, Wow! Dana and I went to the Academy together and I think I can say I was as close to her as anyone there. She's not the kind of woman to make a fuss about things, you know? But I've heard stories and seen her in action when you've been wounded before and I want to tell you, she acts like a woman in love, not a partner." "Well, you're wrong. Scully isn't in love with me. We have a very strong bond as partners, but she couldn't love me." "Couldn't?" Colton innocently turned the knife. Mulder stared at him for a moment. Colton didn't seem to be trying to piss him off, so he answered, "You say you know Scully. Think about the kind of man she deserves and what you know about me. Put the two thoughts together." Mulder pushed away his tray and moved towards the bathroom. Time for physical therapy. Mulder made up his mind to work as hard as he could to get back in shape and back to work. By the time his session was over, he was in agony and needed a shower. "Damn, I'm too young to need a morning nap," he grumbled as Jeff reinserted his IV into his hand. "Now, Mr. Mulder, anyone who had been as close to death as you were just a week ago has to build up his strength." Jeff placated him as he arranged his sheets and IV line. "By the way, where is that hot little redhead of yours?" Mulder gave him a murderous look then closed his eyes. "Agent Scully's not mine - she's my partner. She's on vacation." Didn't anyone mind their own business anymore? "Well, that sure surprises me, she was a real tiger when you were brought in. I thought she was going to decimate the entire ER staff when you went into arrest down there." Mulder opened his eyes and raised his brow in a silent question. "Yep, you probably owe her your life. She realized that they had given you something she had told them you were allergic to and you started to go into anaphylactic shock. I've never seen doctors so determined that a patient lived. I'm pretty new here, ya know. I hadn't heard about you two before. When the dust settled, everyone was more than willing to fill me in on all the details." "Details?" Mulder questioned. "Yeah. You two have quite the reputation among the staff. Just what kind of work do you two do to have logged as many hospital hours as you have?" Jeff teased. "Jeff, shut the fuck up." Mulder growled. "Sure thing, G-Man." Jeff laughed and spun the wheel chair around moving towards the door. "I just wanted to know if you wanted a shave before she got back." "I haven't seen her for over a week, Jeff. Give it a rest will you?" Mulder sighed. "What do you mean you haven't seen her? I saw her just this morning when I was coming on duty." "Scully was here? This morning?" Mulder was glad to hear she was back from vacation. "Sure. Now that I think of it, I've seen her a couple other times this last week. Are you sure she took a vacation? She's always at the nurses station checking your chart." Mulder nodded, but didn't answer. Scully was avoiding him. Mulder waited until Colton was taken down to x-ray to call Scully. If his partner was pissed at him he didn't want to have to grovel in front of Colton. He would do anything to make things okay with Scully. "You have reached 555-4879. Please leave a message at the tone." "Urmm, Scully it's me. I've missed you the last few days. I guess I've been sleeping when you stopped by. Ahh, give me a call when you get home." 'Good one, Mulder' he thought. 'At least you waited for Colton to leave,' was his last thought before fatigue won out and he fell asleep. Later that day, Mulder had a visitor. "Fox? Are you up for a visitor?" Maggie Scully's head peeked around the partially shut door. "Mrs. Scully! Come on in. It's good to see you." Mulder was genuinely happy and surprised to see her. "I could say the same for you, Fox. You gave all of us a scare this time." Maggie set the bag of goodies she carried down and wrapped her arms around him for a warm hug. She kissed his cheek and smiled. "I baked some cookies today and I thought you might like to have a few. Are you able to eat them yet?" "I don't know, you better ask Scully...." Mulder started to say. "Uh, yeah, sure. I just ate though and I think I'll leave them for later if you don't mind." "Of course, Fox. Well, how are you? When does Dana think you can go home?" Maggie was concerned. Fox Mulder never stayed in the hospital voluntarily. She knew he had checked himself AMA many times when he was in worse shape than he was now. "I guess they're going to cut me loose in a couple days. They're going to remove the drainage tubes this afternoon and if I respond well, I can go home day after tomorrow." Mulder hated to worry Mrs. Scully. She was one of the few people in the world that gave him unconditional love-a commodity he had received precious little of in his life. "That's good, dear." Maggie smiled at him. "How's the rest of the Scully family doing, Mrs. Scully?" Mulder asked. He didn't want to directly question her on Scully's activities. Maybe she would comment on them all on her own. Maggie proceeded to fill him in on all the Scully family gossip. Bill and Tara were expecting their second child. Charlie and his wife and kids were coming to visit next week. And, oh, yes. Dana's friends, Chris and Pat, had decided to extend their visit for another week or so. This last tidbit seemed to upset Maggie- as if she did not approve of Scully's friends. 'So that's where Dana is. Entertaining two old girlfriends.' Mulder said to himself with a great deal of relief. "And how have you been Mrs. Scully?" Mulder loved Scully's mom. He was surprised to realize that he probably loved her more than he did his own mother. She certainly had been more loving and supportive to him than Teena Mulder ever was. He tucked this thought away in the back of his mind for further contemplation later. Mrs. Scully was a combination of scolding mother: "Fox, you really should be more careful about getting shot." A proud parent: "Walter told me all about how brave you were during the drug bust. He has requested commendations for you and Dana and several of the other agents involved in the operation." And a motherly matchmaker. "Dana was worried sick about you when you were injured. I swear I have never seen her so worked up over one of your injuries." All in all the visit was a pleasant way to pass the afternoon visiting hours. As Maggie was getting ready to leave Tom Colton was wheeled back into the room. "Well, hello Tom. I haven't seen you in years." "Mrs. Scully! It has been years. It's so good to see you, too." Tom Colton was surprised to see Dana's mom visiting Mulder. "I didn't know you were sharing the room with Fox or I would have brought you some cookies too." Maggie teased, "Maybe Fox will share if you ask nicely." "No way, Colton. Get your own cookies. Maggie's are too good to share." Mulder growled. Maggie only had to smile and utter one word. "Fox." "Okay, Mom." Mulder grumbled. "We'll split them after dinner." "Thank you, Fox. You are such a good boy." Maggie teased back. Maggie chatted for a few minutes longer with the two men. She tucked her coat over her arm and moved to the side of Mulder's bed. She bid Tom Colton farewell, then turned to Mulder. She slipped her arm around his shoulders, gave him a hug, and whispered in his ear. "I'm so glad my prayers were answered and your life was spared." Aloud she said, "You might want to shave that beard before Dana gets here, Fox. You know how tender her skin is." She kissed him warmly on his cheek and left Mulder speechless and rubbing the spot. Colton cleared his throat as if preparing to speak but Mulder cut him off. "Not one word, or I don't share the cookies." Colton nodded and pulled out a book to read. Mulder closed his eyes and decided to rest-or pretend to rest- until dinner. Thoughts of Scully ran through his brain at an incredible rate. 'So Scully had two old friends visiting with her. Probably friends from medical school, he thought. Chris and Pat. Wonder what they looked like. Chris and Pat. Wait a minute. Mrs. Scully didn't say girlfriends. She said friends. Chris and Pat. Why hadn't Scully mentioned them previously? Chris? Christine or Christopher? Pat? Patricia or Patrick? Chris and Pat. Why were they visiting? Were they a couple? Christopher and Patricia? Christine and Patrick? Scully came to check up on him at 5:00 a.m.? What was she doing out so early or late? Didn't she know she shouldn't be out on the streets alone at that time? Maybe Chris and/or Pat came with her.' On and on his mind swirled went until he thought he would go crazy. Dinner was a welcomed interruption. Mulder was true to his word and shared Maggie's cookies with Colton, saving a couple for each of the orderlies. After Colton ate his share of the cookies he broke his silence. After all, Mulder was so easy to tease. "Mulder, you know it's serious when her Mom comes to visit you in the hospital." Mulder shot him a dark look. "What do you mean by that, Colton?" "Dana must care for you as more than a partner if her Mom is baking you cookies. Care to share?" Mulder sighed and decided to nip this in the bud. "Mrs. Scully and I became close friends when Scully was missing. She didn't have any of her other kids living near, so after a couple months, when she needed help making arrangements for Scully's memorial service, she asked me to assist her. She's the strongest woman I know, even stronger than Scully, but she couldn't face burying her daughter alone. We got pretty close. When Scully came home, she sort of adopted me and it's been that way ever since." That was all Mulder was willing to share with Colton. He rolled over and flipped on the miniature TV hanging over his bed to signal the conversation was over. "Geez, Mulder, I didn't know. Sorry." Colton was properly chastised. He rolled over to the opposite direction and turned on his TV. Mulder didn't consciously make up his mind to wait for Scully, but when the head nurse brought him his sleeping pill, he tongued it and stashed it in his night stand when she was gone. He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep around 11:00p.m. and eventually Colton went to sleep. Mulder pulled out a fresh pair of sweatpants and went to the bathroom to change. He left the hospital gown on over them and climbed back in bed to wait until after shift change. Around two a.m. Mulder checked out the nurses station and while they were all away, quietly moved down the hall to the visitor waiting area. Since no one was there, the lights were off and he chose a chair in the deep shadows. Mulder had no idea when Scully would be there. He didn't want to miss her. He was amazed at how empty he felt these last days without her. He was as surprised as she was about the way the two nurses had acted. He had never been treated so unprofessionally before. Oh, sure a little harmless flirting, but to actually have the two women come to blows was unheard of. He wondered if Scully knew that the fight wasn't really over him. He had heard the details from Robert the night orderly. Apparently both women had been dating the same doctor and they became rivals. The scene in his room was just an extension of their animosity. They were both incredibly beautiful women in their own ways, but neither of them was Scully. Mulder had been overwhelmed with all the attention the nurses had lavished on him. Neither he nor Scully knew it was a conspiracy perpetrated by the nursing staff to keep him from being his usual pain-in-the-parts self as soon as he was healing. Unfortunately the actions of Nurses Betty and Marie had driven a wedge between the two agents. Mulder had been told about the scheme by Jeff. Everyone seemed to find it amusing except him. Mulder dozed off and on during the early hours of the morning. The quiet conversations of the nursing staff were enough to alternately soothe and wake him. He kept his ears tuned for the sound of Scully's footstep. If he hadn't been awake and watching for her, he would have missed her. She was wearing her long black coat and soft leather flats. She seemed to appear at the nurses' station out of thin air. He couldn't see her face, but saw the answering smile of the night charge nurse. She silently perused his file, using the plastic stylus to flip back and forth in the electronic record of his care. She was still as she read the current data. Mulder rose to approach her when a sound from the hall to the elevators stopped him. Two men approached Scully from behind. The one that reached her first squeezed her shoulder and patted her. The other man engulfed Scully in a full body embrace from behind. He whispered something into her ear and Mulder died a small death as Scully glanced up and gave him her full 1000 watt smile. She nodded at something he said and kissed his lips. After conversing quietly for a moment, the two men turned and walked back toward the elevators as Scully moved towards his door. Mulder was incapable of movement or speech. This must be Chris and Pat. He numbly wondered which one kissed her-Chris or Pat? Scully quickly returned to the nurses station to report Mulder missing. She stopped and turned toward him, somehow feeling his presence. She walked toward the shadows of the waiting room and stopped in front of him. "Mulder? What are you doing here?" Mulder's eyes seemed to glow in the shadows. The tears he held in check gave his hazel eyes a shine of green fire. "Maybe I should ask you the same thing, Scully. What are you doing here?" "I wanted to make sure you were doing all right. It looks like you're going to be released tomorrow." "Yeah? Thanks, but that's old news. My doctor told me that yesterday." "Oh. What are you doing out of bed? You still need your rest." Dr. Scully took over. "I heard you were here checking on me and I wanted to see for myself if you were. I guess I saw more than I bargained for." Mulder rose and pulled the IV pole along with him. "Where did you find these two, Scully? Philadelphia-again?" He walked away from her without saying goodbye. "Mulder." He stopped but didn't turn around. "Shouldn't Nurse Ratchet help you back to bed?" Mulder straightened his shoulders and said without turning. "Which one kissed you, Scully? Chris or Pat?" Why was he being such a shit about this? "Which one is your lover?" He didn't expect an answer and started back toward his room. Scully charged up to confront him face to face. "What business is that of yours, Mulder? You have your private life and I have mine. Aren't you the one who accused me of making this whole thing personal? Well, I tried to stay out of your personal life and now you can keep the hell out of mine. I'm on vacation. I don't owe you or Skinner or the Fucking Director of the FBI any explanation for my actions while I'm on my own personal time. Is that clear?" She never raised her voice above a whisper, but her words sliced through him like a laser. "Crystal." Mulder moved to sidestep around her and go back to his room. He heard her small gasp as he reached his door. When he looked back Scully was enfolded in the arms of her lover. He could hear him soothing her as they walked down the hall. "Dane, it's all right. Everything will be all right, darlin'. Shhh." Mulder moved to his bed and somehow managed to lay down without pulling out his IV. He stared at the ceiling for so long his eyes grew dry and began to hurt. He retrieved the sleeping pill from its hiding place and dry swallowed it. Moments later the pill gave him the oblivion he was seeking. Two weeks after he left the hospital, Mulder was released to return to desk duty at work, but he decided that he wanted to take more time to heal. He spent his first week at the Vineyard, taking care of some odds and ends that needed to be dealt with in his mother's estate. He had not tried to contact Scully and she had not contacted him. He was surprised at how slowly he was regaining his health until he realized that her strong presence had been the reason he had healed so quickly in the past. Upon his return to DC, he contacted the physical therapist at the hospital and asked him for the name of a personal trainer who could help him set up an exercise program that would get him back into top physical shape. He tried to convince himself that he just wanted to go back to work in top condition, but the dreams he had nightly was his real reason. The scene from the novel Scully left at the hospital-Gabriel and Reynard making love on the back of the horse in the field of wildflowers-haunted him. In his dream it was he and Scully on the back of that horse. It was Scully's body that he kissed and touched and made wild, crazy love to. The dream became an obsession. It popped into his mind at various times of the day, especially while he was exercising. He found himself researching travel plans to France, England and Ireland on the Internet. He focused on resorts that offered privacy and a variety of services, such as stables and cottages in the country. The trainer turned out to be a beautiful young woman named Sandy, who believed in holistic training. She consulted with him and agreed to take him on as a client only if he agreed to stick to her prescribed program for at least the next twenty one days. She was sure she could break him of his greasy cheeseburger take-out habit if she had twenty one days to work with him. They met at the gym three days a week and she helped Mulder work through a progressive series of exercises that were targeted to get him back into top physical shape. The other four days a week he would run to increase his endurance. He also tried to get to the pool at least three times a week to do laps for exercise and because he enjoyed swimming. Sandy introduced him to her partner, Julia, who was a dietitian. Julia was just as beautiful as Sandy, but while Sandy was a blonde, tall and athletic, Julia was a short little brunette with huge brown eyes and a sweet smile. He was surprised that he felt nothing towards either of them but a brotherly affection. His feelings for Scully were growing and he found himself only able to admire their beauty as he would a work of art. They had worked out an eating plan for him that was surprisingly easy to follow. It did not consist of all rabbit food and tofu as were his first thoughts, but included all his favorites-even French fries-occasionally. It was also geared to his on-the-road lifestyle. Julia and Sandy had gone shopping with him and helped him stock up his refrigerator and cupboards for the first couple times. They were amazed that Mulder could remember everything they needed with out a list. Their friendship helped fill the void left by his lack of interaction with Scully. Mulder woke up on the Monday morning he was to return to work knowing that all their hard work had paid off. He was feeling better than he had since his twenties. He was heavier by about fifty pounds, but all the weight difference was in his increased bone density and the added depth to his muscular structure. He had been working out daily, eating correctly, and had even been to the shooting range. He had gradually increased his training program to include Tai Chi and Tae Bo. He had found an inner peace as he had pushed his body to regain its former strength. The Tai Chi had helped him center his inner self. While it would never become a religion for him, it had helped him quiet the pain in his mind and work through a lot of his guilt and anger. He had been a shit to Scully. She had been so loving and supportive when he first regained consciousness. They had been growing closer this past year. Ever since the kiss at New Years they had begun to spend more time together as friends. He had been happier in this past year than ever before in his life. Even the death of his mother and the discovery of Samantha's fate had not destroyed his contentment as it once would have. The reason for his new happiness was Scully. She had been with him through thick and thin for the past several years and he was beginning to allow himself to believe she just might be in love with him, too. But in the end, he had again been his own worst enemy. He panicked. When the attention of all the nurses began he used it to push Scully away. During the hours he had pounded the track and swam his laps, he had allowed himself to contemplate his relationship with Scully. He had realized he was in love with Scully when Duane Berry kidnapped her. He hadn't allowed himself to acknowledge until then how important she was to him-and in fact he only came to realize that he truly, deeply, madly loved her when he had had sex with Kristen Kilar. He had called out Scully's name when he came. The shame he felt mingled with his pain and desolation to pierce his heart with the truth. He loved his partner and would never have the chance to tell her, to kiss her, to hold her in his arms as a lover. He wanted to die. His failure to prevent her kidnapping and to find her became an added burden of guilt-to put on like a hair shirt and hide close to his skin-smoothly covering the other layers he had accumulated over the years. Layers that had names like Samantha, Mom, and Reggie Perdue. Camouflaged under his spotless shirts and sharp suits, it was easier to deal with than discussing his true feelings with her when she was returned and came out of her coma. Every loss Scully experienced, every wound, even her cancer was more justification for Mulder to hide his love. As long as he could control it, hide it, used humor to deflect all displays of emotion towards Scully except deep friendship, he could function. He knew he was hurting her with his distance, but he reasoned that his love would hurt her more. Surely if he remained just a friend she would eventually find someone to love and leave him. And at least his pride would remain in tact. That was his reasoning. It sounded logical when he thought it or said it aloud, but somehow it didn't work out that way. He forgot to include Scully in his analysis. She had never allowed him to push her away completely. She had been his partner, his friend, and his savior more times than he could count. She was as complicated a person as he was. Perhaps that was why their relationship, though slow to develop, was as strong as it was. They both had problems with commitment due to abandonment issues. But underneath all their troubles, all the issues, they were two people who were destined to be together. They were both strong, passionate, intense people. It was exhibited best in their work, but Mulder decided he was going to tell Scully how he felt and try to salvage the budding relationship he had so deftly damaged. He was determined to work as hard at winning Scully's heart again as he had at finding Sam. He knew they could be happy together. His only fear now was that he had hurt her too much and she had decided to move on. Even if she had, he would give it his best shot. No one ever said that Fox Mulder was a quitter when he set his mind and heart on something-and Dana Scully was his heart's desire. He had to report to Quantico to pass a physical to clear him for active duty and to re-qualify with his handgun and hand-to-hand combat. He was ready to return to work and he was ready to return to his partnership with Scully. He had aced all the tests they threw at him on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday was his first full day in the office and he was looking forward to seeing Scully. When she had not come in by 9:30 am, he called Kim and asked if he could have a few minutes of AD Skinner's time. He was told to come right up; Skinner had a few minutes right then. Mulder was surprised at how pleased Skinner seemed to be about his return. Their conversation had included everything from his commendation for his actions during the drug bust to his personal assistance to Tom Colton. His health and the weather on the Vineyard came up. Everything but what he wanted to know. Where was Scully? "Well, Agent, I have a meeting in a few minutes. It's good to have you back. I left a few files on your desk for you to look over. I'm sure you can find a case you would like to pursue." Skinner finished. "Uh..., Sir, will I be doing that with or without the assistance of Agent Scully?" Mulder didn't know of any other way to find out what he most dearly wanted to know. "Oh, Agent Scully will be done with her temporary assignment at Quantico on Friday. I'm surprised she didn't tell you that herself when you were there yesterday." Skinner's curiosity was peeked. "No, I was very busy re-qualifying and missed her." Mulder punted. "I'll catch up with her later." Mulder spent the rest of the day catching up on memos, clearing his in box, and e-mails. He gathered up the stack of possible case files and left right at 5:00. Thursday and Friday was spent perusing the files. He tried to call Scully several times, but was only been able to reach her machine or her voice mail. He left her an e-mail asking her to call him as he left Friday night, but didn't have much hope that she would. Mulder decided he was not going to spend his weekend worrying about Scully. When he had asked Sandy and Julia to dinner to celebrate his first week back to work he had hoped to include Scully. He wanted her to meet the pair that had done so much to help him heal. They had become friends and he was glad he had made the arrangement to meet them. Now, he could ask their advice on how to pursue Scully. They had dinner at a trendy California Cuisine restaurant that Sandy had suggested. Mulder was surprised to learn they had never been there before. They thought it was a good way to try a place they would never afford to go on their own. After all, they teased Mulder, if he had enough money to afford their services, surely he could treat them to an overpriced dinner in thanks. The three of them shared a second bottle of wine and were soon in fine spirits. Julia finally nudged Sandy once too often and Mulder caught her at it. "What's going on, Julia?" Mulder laughed. Julia blushed and glared at Sandy. Sandy cleared her throat and glared back. Mulder looked from one to the other, clueless. Finally Sandy, after Julia kicked her under the table, blurted out their question. "Did you talk to Scully yet?" "Sandiiiiieee!" Julia growled. Mulder was about to tell them that she wouldn't be back until Monday when Sandy said "Did you get to tell her how you feel?" "No, I haven't been able to get in touch with her. She's teaching at Quantico during the day and I haven't caught her in during the evenings. Why?" "Because, I think we saw her last night." Julia finally said. "Scully? How would you know what she looks like?" Mulder questioned. "Well, Duh! Mulder! You've only bent our ears for weeks now on how perfect your Scully is." Sandy laughed. "Yeah, but how would you know what she looks like?" "Well, if I saw a petite, red-haired woman with brilliant blue eyes and a beautiful smile perform, AND her name happened to be on the marquee as Dana Kate, don't you think that the possibility of there being two such women in this city unbelievable? Obviously, it had to be your Dana Scully!" "I thought you guys didn't go to clubs because you were against inhaling all that second hand smoke? Wait a minute! You said on the marquee? What kind of performance? Where?" Mulder was sure they were wrong. He dug his wallet out of his back pocket. "Did she look like this?" He showed them the picture of Scully that he carried behind his driver's license. Sandy and Julia each examined the photo. "Yep, that's her, but that photo doesn't even come close to showing how beautiful she is, Mulder." "Well, where was she?" Mulder was totally confused. "What was she doing that made you notice her?" "She was singing at a club we were at last night." Sandy said. "And it's a smoke-free club, for your information." "Well, then, it couldn't be Scully. Scully couldn't carry a tune in a bucket." Mulder laughed thinking of their night in the Florida forest. Both women turned to look at each other then at Mulder with a look of incredulity. "Mulder, we're telling you that it was her. She was dressed all in black and sang the saddest love songs we've ever heard. They were new tunes by a couple of the band members, Chris Parker and Pat Greyson. They were incredible! She was incredible!" Mulder sat there stunned. They had to be wrong about Scully singing. It must be a cousin of hers or something. But the names of the guys in the band fit with the names of Scully's visiting friends. "Mulder, if you don't believe us, why don't we all go back down there tonight and you can see for yourself?" Julia suggested. "Okay, Sandy?" "Sure," Sandy said, glancing at her watch. "We'd be glad to take you there. If we leave now we should get there before the first set starts." Mulder nodded his agreement and signaled for the waiter to bring their bill. Thirty-five minutes later they were finding a table at the club and ordering drinks. Within moments the lights dimmed and the band started. The first set was almost over before the lead singer stepped up to the microphone and began to speak. In the bright spotlight, Mulder recognized him as the man who had patted Scully on the back at the nurses station. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce a good friend that has agreed to sing with us again tonight. She was a roommate of my wife, Pat, in college and has since then done many things with her life. She's a medical doctor and a Special Agent with the FBI. Pat and I think she made the wrong career choice and should have stuck with her music, and after you hear her perform we think you will agree." A flare of laughter from the crowd preceded the applause that was already beginning. "Let's hear it for Dana Kate." And the light went out as the applause from the audience swelled. Mulder sat there dumbfounded. Scully? Sang with a band? A spot light hit the figure of Dana Katherine Scully, dressed all in black, hair held back in a pony tail so that only her beautiful face and graceful hands seemed to hover in the light. The crowd grew silent. The opening bars of a tune that Mulder had never heard before began and when Scully opened up her mouth to sing, he was blown away. Her voice was low, rich, seductive. She could never make a living singing opera, but she certainly could achieve stardom singing the blues. The words of unrequited love, the haunting melodies and rhythms from the band and Scully's voice combined to enchant every living soul in the club. When the song was over, there was a moment of silence then the room was filled with thunderous applause and whistling. "Thank you. Thank you very much. I have been asked by Chris and Pat to sing a couple more songs tonight. These are two of my favorites by a friend of ours, Melissa Etheridge." The pounding base guitar licks of 'I'm the Only One' began and Scully pushed the stool she had been sitting on back towards the band. She reached up and pulled the scrunchy off her pony tail and shook out her hair. It floated around her face in a halo of curls. She began singing the song with a deep soulful passion that let everyone in the place know that she was singing it just to them. But only one person in the room was right. Mulder stood and began walking toward the stage as if in a trance. As that song ended and Scully swung into the words of 'Come to my Window' she spotted him. Standing by the first table from the stage, slightly to her right, he was dressed all in black from head to toe, black boots, jeans, muscle tee shirt, and black leather jacket. He waited for some sign from her-some sign that he was wanted. Scully sang the final verse with tears in her eyes. I don't care what They think I don't care what They say What do they know about this love, anyway? Mulder's knees gave way and he fell to them as if in contrition. He would do anything to have this woman love him with the passion her words intimated. Scully finished the song and Mulder began to rise to go to her. She held up her hand to freeze him in place. She turned to the leader of the band and said a few words and another song started. "This next song is for you, Fox." she said as she stared into his eyes. A titter was heard through the crowd as someone said, "He certainly is!" Scully sang the words to 'Yes I am', never looking away from Mulder. In these days and these hours of fury When the darkness and answers are thin Lovers come and check out in a hurry Shallow and hollow again Come lay your body beside me To dream to sleep with the lamb To the question your eyes seem to send Am I your passion your promise your end I say I am Yes I am Your passion your promise your end Yes I am Barring divine intervention There is nothing between you and I And if I carelessly forgot to mention Your body your power can sanctify Lay it down the beast will die You can question my heart once again Am I your passion your promise your end I say I am Yes I am Your passion your promise your end Yes I am I will stand firm in the tempest I will ride destiny's trail To believe when the truth comes up empty To hold and respect without fail Come and be one in the motion A desire they cannot comprehend Never to question again For I am your passion your promise your end Oh yes I am During the final chorus of the song tears streamed down both Mulder's and Scully's faces. As the final words ended, Mulder rose and began walking towards the stage. As he neared the edge, Scully launched herself into his arms. And they kissed. This was not the desperate almost kiss in the hall of a couple years ago. This was not the friendly, world-didn't-end kiss of last New Year's. This was the kiss of a man desperate to let the woman he loved know how he felt. This was the kiss of a passionate woman committing all her love to the one man for her. The kiss as long and slow and deep and wet and had the manager of the club worried that he would be raided for Triple X rated activities any minute. The tiny redhead was wrapped around the tall dark haired man-legs locked around his waist, arms entwined with his, hands stroking and enflaming and soothing all at once. Only the sounds of the audience cheering brought them out of the haze of desire they were in. Mulder could tell the moment Scully became aware of their surroundings. She stiffened slightly in his arms and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He imagined he could feel her pulling away from him. "Scully, don't shut me out," he whispered directly in her ear. "I'll get us out of here, okay?" She didn't answer, but nodded her head. "Do you need anything from backstage?" This time she shook her head. Mulder decided that was all he needed to know. He turned to walk back toward the table, but saw his two friends were gone. He moved towards the door and carried Scully out into the night amid a shower of cat calls and well wishes. He walked down the street with Scully still clasped to his body. Mulder decided her embarrassment was abating as he felt her begin to kiss and bite his neck. "Scully, we're almost to the car. Please stop." He felt her pull away and try to get out of his arms. "No!" He gripped her firmly. "I don't want you to stop holding me, just hold off on the neck action while I'm trying to walk." He laughed. "Are you telling me you can't walk and make love at the same time, Agent Mulder?" her voice was smoky and low. "Something like that Agent Scully." Mulder chuckled. "At least while we're out on the street." They reached the car and Mulder slid her onto the hood. Not allowing their bodies to completely separate, but giving him room to look at her face, he pulled back. "Scully, look at me." He coaxed. When she did, he smiled at her. "That was so beautiful, Scully! I didn't know you could sing. I mean, after the rendition of Jeremiah was a Bullfrog in Florida, what was I to think?" "Mulder, that doesn't count. I was so cold and scared that you were going to die, I could hardly speak, let alone sing." "Well, you proved that you can sing tonight! That was incredible!" "Thank you, Mulder, but don't we have somewhere to go?" "I don't know, do we? I recognized your friend from the hospital tonight and obviously the other one is his wife Pat, but I don't know who the man was that kissed you that night. Are you involved with someone, Scully?" "Mulder, you can't be serious! Didn't you listen to my words in there? Everything I feel for you has been laid out for everyone to see tonight and you're worried about a kiss you saw two months ago?" Mulder looked at her for a long moment and answered, "Yeah, I guess I am. I love you Scully, but if you're not sure it's me you want, I need to know now. If we do this, make this commitment, I don't want to ever doubt you or to fear that I will have to share you again." Scully frowned at him. "What do you mean?" "Who was the man that kissed you in the hospital, Scully? What is he to you?" Scully scooted back a little and stared at Mulder for a long time, as if weighing how important their relationship was compared to how angry she was getting. Finally she said, "Mulder, that man was my brother, Charlie. Chris had him meet us there to surprise me." "Charlie? Your brother? The invisible Scully?" "Yeah, Charlie. He and Karen arrived too late to join us at the club, so when he called Chris, they arranged for him to meet us at the hospital and go to breakfast with the band." "But, but, your mom. She sounded like she wasn't exactly happy with Chris and Pat extending their visit with you. She sounded as if there was some dynamic in your relationship that she didn't approve of--but if Chris and Pat are married..." "Pat and Charlie were together for years before Charlie met his wife, Karen. Mom was worried that Chris and Pat were staying longer because Pat wanted to stir up trouble between Charlie and Karen. Does that satisfy your curiosity, Mulder?" Scully scooted closer to the edge of the car and used her heels to hook around the back of Mulder's legs. "Don't you want to satisfy some other unanswered questions, Fox?" "Yeah, I do, Dana. I want to make love with you, Scully, but I need to talk to you about us-things-everything." Mulder's serious expression was softened by the gentle kisses and touches he placed every where he could reach on her body. He grinned at her as he lifted her off the hood of the car and carried her to the passenger side. "I suggest we take this... Uh, where to, Scully?" "Well, Pat and Chris are still at my place." At Mulders' dejected look she was quick to assure him, "But they're leaving Sunday night for their next gig. How about your place tonight? I know we need privacy to talk, and for all the other things I want to do to and with you." She smiled and ran her hands over his body. "Mulder, is it my imagination or have you been working out? You feel incredible." She had been openly staring at him since they started driving. Mulder grinned as he drove on towards Arlington. "Scully, do you know how to ride a horse bareback?"